While you are walking home to your farm on an abandoned dirt path one night you happen to see a flying saucer land in the middle of the road, complete with flashing lights and dramatic boarding ramp that lowers to shower the road in an unholy glow of white. You are impressed. Seconds later a red-robed lizard woman who looks like an overgrown iguana in supermodel humanoid form walks out with a clipboard. Her reptilian pupils look you over and she nods as she checks her clipboard. You can’t help but stare at her cleavage. I mean, the outfit really shows it nicely.
“Uh, hi.” You say.
“Eyes are up here, pal.” The alien replies sternly. Your eyes meet hers suddenly and you cough. She crosses her arms and nods. “Better.”
“How’s it going?” You ask.
“Um,” the green skinned lizard woman says, “can’t complain I guess. Your atmosphere is a little lighter than what I’m used to, but overall nice place.”
“I suppose you’re going to abduct me and jam strange metal alien probes into my flesh now.” You state matter-of-factly, having seen at least one episode of the X-Files a long time ago.
“What?” The lizard woman says in disgust, visibly reeling. “Ick! That’s just sick! No! No!”
“Oh.” You say in embarrassment, looking sheepish.
“I’m going to abduct you and take you on an intergalactic adventure much like what you earthanoids call ‘Douglas Adams Humor’ and there’ll be lots of strange transformation stuff and lots of sex on the way.”
“Why?” you ask.
“Because it’s cool.” The alien lizard female responds, grinning. Then she looks serious. “And also because I need to take you back to my home planet and interbreed you with our queen so our species can continue.”
“Ah. Okay.” You say. “Wait, what?”
“So! Let’s go!” she says, motioning towards the flying saucer quickly.
“Did you just say-?” You ask and are cut off suddenly.
“Get in, monkey-man!” She growls. “Or it’s off to the probing table!”
“I’m sorry I’ll be good.” You say quickly.
“Please, let’s go! I have a schedule to keep!” She says, and makes her way towards the spaceship.
“Wait!” You say, “I have so many questions!”
“Well,” the lizard replies, “we can have a long overly expository conversation once we’re underway! Now come along!” she says, swaying her tail as she walks up the ramp. She turns back to you and frowns. “And quit starin’ at my ass!”
“Uh, I wasn’t!” you say, walking towards the ship.