“I see someone’s glad to see me,” Scott grinned, looking at Jeff’s erection.
Jeff immediately grabbed his compression pants and held them over his raging hard-on.
Scott laughed. Jeff looked down, afraid if he looked into Jeff’s piercing blue eyes any longer, he would lose himself in them. The blonde quarterback was so muscular, and if Jeff allowed himself to look at how his friend had curves in all the right places, at all the right angles, a beefy hairy build that he simply couldn’t afford to think about right now... he risked losing himself. Scott reached out with a rugged grin, “It’s okay, babe, the guys are all showering.”
Jeff immediately backed away, his eyes still on the floor. The back of his legs bumped into the bench with force, he awkwardly reached back for something to grab, only finding air and dropping his compression pants. He would have fallen backwards over the bench in a heavy jumble of muscles, save for Scott quickly grabbing him first.
“Hey Jeff, take it easy man,” Scotty said with that concern back in his expression, steadying his boyfriend.
Standing naked together, Scott holding him, Jeff’s mind was reeling and he was doing all he could not to give in to the strong magnetic pull he was feeling toward the naked man embacing him. Those lips, that chin… he looked away, forcing himself away from Scott. “Let go of me,” he said weakly.
Scott released his boyfriend, confused and a little hurt. “Jeff,” he said, forcing his voice to be calm and level, even though the linebacker’s current behavior had Scott feeling uncertain and shaken. Finally he said evenly, “What’s going on?”
“I stink,” he muttered, “I’ll get you dirty.”
Scott laughed, not expecting that answer, “No problem - I stink too – that’s what showers are for. Besides, neither of us ever minded before.” Scott offered Jeff his hand.
“I… I’m feeling sick. I just need a few minutes.” Jeff actually was starting to feel sick. He was so shaken by all of this - by the unexpected attraction and clash of emotions - that he felt like he might keel over and lose his lunch right then and there.
“You want me to get the nurse?” Scott asked, his concern growing.
“No,” Jeff reassured him, only daring to look up at his eyes long enough to try to convey that everything would be fine, trying not to look too deeply into them. “I just need a few minutes to get it together.”
That’s when the flashback came, at the worse possible moment. The private tragedy he and his family had borne for several years now. The confusion of having his mind and emotions messed with left him feeling raw, and questioning if this flashback was even his, or part of this new persona that seemed to be infringing on his very being with more and more influence. But no, he knew, it went too deep. He knew it was his own – it belonged to his real self. And it was then that he choked up, suddenly remembering the horror of that night, and he let out a sob.
“Oh Jeffy - hey, no, it’s okay,” Scott said to him gently, taking the other man by the arms, putting an arm around him. Scott - big, strong beast-of-a-man Scott - was so tender and gentle that it set something off in Jeff, and his own big, beast-like body started heaving with silent sobs. Scott looked on, starting to feel like he could cry himself seeing his closest friend and lover in such pain. “Please, Jeff, talk to me.”
“I…” He grunted, trying to gain his composure. He felt so embarrassed and humiliated. He wasn’t a jock, he was an imposter trying to be the big man, and failing miserably. He heard himself babbling something about that to Jeff, and then stopped, taking a deep breath.
Scott set him down on the bench, then sat next to him, arm still around him. The strong scent of sweat nearly sent Jeff over the edge - part of him just wanted to give in to unbridled passion and kiss the jock next to him, to ignore the emotional pain and upheaval and get rough like the beast that his body told him he was, wanted to do sexual things he never even imagined before. Scott looked at Jeff calmly, then said slowly and quietly, “First, you’re not an imposter, Jeff. Everyone has feelings. Everyone. Everyone freaks out sometimes, we all have our bad moments. Just because we’re jocks doesn’t mean we don’t feel things. The bravest men do, and don't have to hide it all the time.”
Jeff willed himself to breathe slowly. Slowly in. Then, slowly out. God, Jeff’s arm felt so good around him. The scent of sweat was even growing on him, started feeling like home. But he had to continue, had to resist. “It’s not just that. Something really bad happened. And the Chronivac… it’s broken. And I don’t even belong here. This isn’t even the real me.”
“Okay,” Scott said patiently, calmly, “Let’s take this one step at a time.”
“Okay,” Jeff said, feeling so weak. Does he know how much I just want him to fuck me right now? Jeff wondered to himself.
“First, let’s go shower, get cleaned up. The guys will be out any second, so we’ll have privacy – you don’t have to worry about anyone seeing you upset. Then we can get dressed, and go someplace to talk.” Scott squeezed his shoulder with reassuring. “Okay?”
Not kissing Scott right then and there was one of the hardest things that Jeff had ever done – or in this case, not done. “Okay.”
“Good.” Jeff followed Scott to the showers, staying behind him, maneuvering so Scott would be between Jeff and any other guys, and averting his eyes to avoid anyone seeing the redness in them. He felt so big already, over 6 feet tall with broad shoulders and big muscles - in reality he was truly big… but after the display of emotions in front of the other big man, he felt so vulnerable and conspicuous. Still, he did his best to fake “normal” behavior, using sheer will not to jump Scotty’s bones or that anyone else should notice anything amiss. Jeff didn’t know how he was going to get out of this mess. He had a faint sense of someone (his sister?) saying, “’Transform for fun.’ Bad slogan.” Yeah, focusing on that thought helped take him out of this moment some, helping him to cope, and he somehow remembered it was his real sister. “Sis, you were so very right,” He said under his breath, feeling like he was walking a tightrope, “Nothing fun about this at all.”