Deep in the United States, surrounded on all sides by a thick ring of coniferous trees that all but walled it off from civilization, there's a new town developing, a town by the name of Growing Pines. This new town was being developed in the shadow of a recently constructed college, St. Butterbeans Academy, an all-women's academy dedicated to the development of growing girls. The population of this town was similarly growing, bit by bit as new citizens trickled in looking for work at the various businesses preparing to open their doors. Everyone seemed to be gearing up for the start of the first semester at the omnipresent school.
Of course, what is a school without students? The enrollment offices at St. Butterbeans have wasted no time at all scouting the country for potential candidates. One such candidate was a young lady named Dedra Dobbs, a high school graduate of but 18 years old. Having just graduated, she hoped to start entering college to pursue a higher education. Unfortunately her hopes seemed dashed when all of the other schools she applied to turned her down due to lack of vacancy. With nowhere else to turn, she was graciously scooped up by St. Butterbeans Academy for Growing Girls. She was enrolled in earnest, and provided with transportation from her hometown to the school as soon as was possible.
It was the afternoon of her ride to the developing college town of Growing Pines. She stared out the window in the spacious, popcorn-butter scented hummer the school sent to ferry her to her new life. As she teased at the drawstring on her dull yellow hoodie, she contemplated the nature of this place. It seemed somewhat serendipitous that this school out of all schools was the only one open to her when every other school she applied for turned her down. Was it really because every other option was too full up? She wasn't sure. On top of that, this new school seemed a bit too fantastical from her perspective? Instead of traditional dorm buildings, students would be paired off into their own small houses on campus and be given a $100 monthly allowance with opportunities for part-time work. The reading materials they provided boasted about their robust medical aid program, state-of-the-art educational resources, and especially their gourmet culinary facilities. For the life of her though, she couldn't figure out what the catch was.
The hummer pulled up to the main school building, and the driver informed her that orientation would be taking place inside. Dedra graciously stepped out into the crisp, clean late-August air, away from the heavy, butter-scented interior of the car. She swore that smell was being pumped through the car vents or something. Of course, when she stepped into the school, her nose was immediately assaulted by an extreme litany of appetizing aromas. Pastries, sizzling meats, buttery bread. All of them bull-rushed up her nostrils all at once at 1000 miles an hour, nearly knocking her backwards to the ground. At that moment, her stomach erupted with the loudest sound she had ever heard it make in her entire life. She realized that she hasn't had anything to eat all day.
That's when she noticed the sign pointing her towards a cafeteria where new student orientation would be taking place. Her legs moved on their own right into the dining hall where she was greeted by a gigantic buffet table, piled high with gourmet delights. Enormous roast turkeys and hams, mountains of fruits and bread rolls, miles upon miles of donuts. She was tempted to dive headfirst right into the spread when she heard a woman heartily laugh behind her. Dedra turned around, and laid eyes upon the source of the guffaws.
Here was a woman who looked like she lived on a steady diet of all-you-can-eat buffets. She was a full head or two taller than Dedra and quite possibly a foot wider than even that! Her gigantic body was wrapped in a maroon business blazer that held her inside like a tight sausage casing. The supposedly long skirt she wore was not long enough to conceal the enormous, flabby belly that poked out and dragged the floor underneath. Her face, standing out against her three chins, should have belonged to a 50 year old Hollywood starlet.
"I can tell you must be starving, dear," the largest lady alive smiled like sunshine, or perhaps freshly baked bread, "Go ahead and plate up before orientation begins. Everything will be explained then.