You stare up—so far up!—at your new mom and dad. Your dad is almost thirty inches taller than you!
“Amy,” drawled your dad, “you look different.”
Your mom looked down at herself and saw her breasts, just starting their middle-aged droop, tighten up and become perkier in her dress. She looked across to the full-length mirror and watched as the hints of crow’s feet disappeared. “Buck—it’s happening to you, too!”
Your dad knocked back the rest of his tea, winked at your mom, and polished off the remainder of hers.
“Oh no!” shouted Lao Yi. “Too much!”
Your dad burped, grinned, and walked over to your mom. “What’s happening? Getting sexier and sexier?” He caressed her bottom.
“No, Buck. Look in the mirror.”
“I just see the sexiest woman I ever noticed,” he grinned as the few grey hairs in his beard turned dark brown. “You’re as beautiful as the day I met you.” He flexed in the mirror, then frowned as the fabric on his t-shirt didn’t move as he expected. “Wait—“ He stared into the mirror as his beard became less thick and the formerly tight 9Line t-shirt wrinkled over shrinking pectorals.
He looked over at your mom. “You look like a college cheerleader!”
“Yes, well, honey, you look like a college freshman,” she retorted. Your dad watched as the burly frame he’d built over fifteen years of outdoor labor melted away into the lean frame of someone in his late teens.
“Mommy! Daddy! It’s the tea,” you yell. “I was a thirteen year old boy two hours ago!”
The world ripples as the changes continue. Your dad’s build narrows as his shirt morphs into an American Fighter tee and his Stetson changes into a camo cap with a redneck rolled brim. His beard becomes patchier, his height dips a bit, his shoulders become less broad, the obscene bulge in his Wranglers melts away, and the hair on his arms retreats. “What the fUcK,” he yells as his voice cracks.
You and Lao Yi stare. Your mom has turned into a 25-year-old Southern beauty queen… and your dad, formerly a huge, muscular, 6’5” rancher, ended up as a 5’11”, lanky, 15-year-old country kid, only partway through puberty.
“No, no, no,” moans Lao Yi. “This not supposed to happen. Both supposed to be 21! Young parents keep up with active kid! Now what?”