“Good morning, Mr. Johnson. I’m Dr. Patel. What seems to be the trouble?”
“I hurt. Every bone in my body seems like it hurts, but especially my legs. It’s not just exercise soreness or the usual old man complaints. It’s starting to become debilitating.”
“I see. Anything else?”
“This is going to sound weird, but… I have been waking up with erections every day. Really obvious ones that go away. Sometimes they happen during the day.”
“I see,” said the doctor. “Anything else?”
“I’ve lost some weight. Not that that’s a bad thing, but I expected to gain weight, I have been eating like crazy.”
“Okay,” she said. “I have your vitals here. Two hundred and six pounds. What were you when you weighed yourself last?”
“Two hundred twenty.”
“And how tall are you?”
“Five feet ten inches.”
She looked me up and down. “Would you mind stepping on this scale?” She fidgeted with the height stick, laying it in my head, and asked me to step off the scale.
“This says you are five eleven,” she said.
“I can’t be, I’ve been five-ten for my entire adult life. In fact I may have been five-nine, since we shrink as we get older and I’m 47.”
“Nevertheless,” said Dr. Patel, “I have just measured you and you are 181 cm in fact, so slightly more.” I stared at her.
“Any medication changes? New supplements?” she asked.
“My psychiatrist changed my anxiety medication. She is weaning me off of Xanax and onto something new, a trial medicine called Kiss something.”
“Kisspeptin?” asked the doctor.
“Yes, that’s it.”
“And how is it working?”
“For the most part great. I’m not afraid to try new things, I’ve got a ton more energy. But I do notice I get upset more easily, especially if I feel like I was mistreated somehow.”
“Very interesting,” said the doctor. “I will give you a small prescription for something to manage the pain. The sexual side effects aren’t so bad, I take it?”
“No,” I laughed. “My partner is younger, he’s 28, and he is loving it.”
“Good,” said Dr. Patel. “I should like to see you again in four to six weeks. I will call the prescription in to your pharmacy… Duane Reade? But if you find the prescription is not managing the pain, please call the office. And report the pain and the erections to the medicine trial, of course.” She shook my hand and left.