Derek was inexplicably drawn to a pink necktie he'd found and was dangerously close to trying it on when Jake shouted to him from a few shelves back. "Hey, check THIS out!"
It was a waist-high stone fountain right in the middle of the aisle. It looked like it was built directly into the foundation of the building. There was no way it was actually for sale; it was immovable.
"That's nothing, dude." Derek said. "It's just a dried-up old fountain."
"Well, I wanna hear about it. Maybe it's DANK."
"Oh, it is most assuredly dank." The shopkeeper said from just behind the teens, startling them both.
"Woah… Uh. Then what is it?" Derek asked, dropping the lame-ass tie onto a low shelf beside him.
"This 'dried-up old fountain' is a Utopia Basin. It can create a perfect society tailored to your own personal interests and desires. A secluded compound away from the world where you can live out your wildest fantasies…"
"Can it make, like, a skate park?!"
"It can create the grandest skate park anyone has ever imagined." The shopkeeper assured them. "A park so fantastic that no true skater would ever want to leave. All you have to do is place your hands on the side of the basin and speak the name of your paradise. Then you will be instantly transported far far away to your secluded Utopia where you can skate and slack off for all eternity, never tiring, knowing neither hunger nor thirst. Your only bodily need will be the Utopian elixir."
"What's that?" Jake asked.
"An energy drink." Derek cut in. "I think I've tried it before; it's good!"
"Oh, the Utopian elixir is beyond any store-bought caffeine high you may have experienced, my boys… The elixir can only be found within the Utopia basin itself. Its flavor transcends beyond all other beverages; the energy it grants is boundless, and it is so madly addictive, that once you've tried it twice, perhaps even only once, you could not hope to survive without partaking of it daily for as long as you live."
"So there's no way back? You're just stuck there forever, chilling out and drinking orgasmo-sauce?" Jake asked.
"What possible reason would you have to leave paradise, Jake? You two have the skater shoes. You already feel the endless need to spread your gift and create a massive following of skater sluts. Why not grow your cult in paradise?"
"That's true... but you said this place is in the middle of nowhere, right? So how are we supposed to find a bunch of dudes to change?" Derek asked.
"All societies grow in their own way and in their own time, but if you need dudes, they will surely be provided."
"Nice." Jake said with a satisfied nod… "But no chicks!"
"Of course not. If that is your desire…" The shopkeeper assured them. "Do you have a name?"
The two skaters looked knowingly at each other and nodded eagerly.
"Then place your hands on the basin and speak the name together."
Jake and Derek both slowly laid their hands on the cold stony edges of the basin and looked into each other's eyes, only pausing briefly, barely giving any consideration to what they were about to do.
"SKATEOPIA"