Cars circled the parking lot as guests were ushered into the dance hall. The Lakeside choir filed out through the back door, unaware of the uninvited guests slipping in behind them.
“Can’t believe we already missed the actual marriage…” Zoya said.
“Looks like Colin missed it, too.” said Shara.
“Alright, remember the plan?” Sam asked.
“Keep an eye out for Colin, watch his date, and try to not like get in trouble or something?” Lisa asked as she adjusted her gold silk dress.
“Hit it right on the head.” Zoya smiled.
“Hit what on the head?” Lisa asked.
“Shut up, there he is, hide!” Lucy whispered as Colin stepped through the front door.
Colin awkwardly adjusted his tie as he put his phone on silent.
“Invitation?” Asked the hefty man in the distinguished suit.
Colin pulled it out of his pocket and held it right in the man’s face; right they’re in gold lettering “You’re Invited to the wedding of Steven Winters and Holly Baxter”.
“Very good sir, you will be seated at the Baxter family table.” The big man said as Colin was lead to a huge row of tables.
Colin spotted Mall Lady from a few feet away, thoughtlessly scrolling through her phone with a dissatisfied sigh. She was too busy rolling her eyes at the bride and groom to see him take a seat next to her.
“Ohhhhhhh Cici, your date’s heeeeere….” a voice called as her hazel eyes finally turned to face him.
“It’s not a date, mom….” the blonde sighed.
“It really isn’t…” Colin said to her mother as a member of the catering crew came up to him, “Huh? Oh, water please.”
“Oh relax, have some Chardonnay.” The bride’s mother said as she handed him a glass.
“I don’t drink…” Colin lied.
She saw right through it with “Not even one glass?”
“If he doesn’t want wine, he doesn’t want wine.” Cici sighed. “I don’t feel like having any either…”
“It’s better than chugging a bottle of Jack with your cat in your apartment, Celeste.” The bride interjected.
Colin sat there awkwardly as Celeste walked away from the table and awkwardly sipped his water.
Her mother followed her away from the table.
“Ah there he is!!!!” A clean shaven man with slicked hair said as he pulled Colin into a sudden hug out of nowhere.
“Daddy, give him some space.” The bride said.
Colin straightened his tie as the catering guy came back speaking quietly in his ear, “Huh? Oh, Caesar dressing.”
“It’s good to see Cici actually seeing someone.” Mr Baxter grinned. “Mister….”
“Colin. Colin Greys.” He awkwardly responded, oblivious to his girlfriends watching him from a table in the far corner of the room.
“Where’d she go?” Lucy whispered.
“Over there.” Lisa said as she pointed to Celeste getting a stern talking to from her mom.
“Excuse me, are you with the bride or groom?” Asked a catering lady.
“Ummm… groom?” Lisa said.
Speaking of the groom, Mr Winters’ jumped into the conversation over at Colin’s table.
“So when did you two meet exactly?” He asked the sister of the bride’s date as he noshed on his salad.
“A couple days ago, actually.” Colin said as he took a sip of water.
“Come on, I know Cici’s been spending all that time at her place with somebody…” Mr Baxter said with a wagging finger. “My Ma saw you at that mall yah sly dog you.”
“Would you like some more bread, ma’am?” The catering man asked.
“Why of course, young lady…” Celeste’s grandma smiled.
Colin awkwardly sat there as Mr Baxter and Mr Winters sat there chatting it up. He finished his salad right as the catering crew came with his steak and salmon. Celeste sat back down with a heavy sigh as she sat there shoveling rice pilaf into her frowning maw.
“Slow down there, I’m sure your boyfriend isn’t gonna like seeing you bloated up like a beachball.” Holly remarked.
“I’m not her boyfriend.” Colin said as he took a big bite of rich buttery beef.
“Come on, I just want my sis to have fun with her man.” The bride said.
“He’s not my boyfriend…” Celeste repeated with a stern frown.
“Who knows, we might be seeing TWO weddings this year!” The bride’s mom laughed.
“Are you guys even listening?” Colin asked as he took a huge bite of sweet potato.
“They never listen….” Celeste grumbled.
“Maybe he really can say no….” Zoya said as she dipped her chicken tender in honey mustard.
“You know, I thought it’d be her at the kid’s table.” Lucy said as she pointed to Lisa balancing a spoon on her lip.
“I don’t like sweet potatoes or steak.” Zoya said as she took a sip of Fanta.
They turned to face the clinking of a glass as Mr Baxter started his toast. Lucy couldn’t hear the start of it over the crunching of onion rings.
“At least give me one!” Lucy whispered.
“And to my son-in-law….” Mr Baxter declared, looking over at Colin adding “and future son-in-law….”
Celeste rolled her eyes and jammed some asparagus in her mouth.
“I wish you the happiest life, and many wonderful memories to come, cheers!!!”
Colin suddenly felt Mr Baxter sticking something in his pocket.
“Just a little something something for later…” he winked.
Colin walked away from the table as Sam watched from the open bar; he reached in and pulled a condom out of his pocket, immediately chucking it in the garbage.
“Alright everybody it’s time for the dance, all dates follow us to the dance floor!!!” Mrs Baxter said over the loud speakers.
“Alright, let’s get this over with….” Colin sighed.
The dance with Celeste was very unenthusiastic, robotic, done with all the intimacy you would find in two strangers that didn’t even want to be there at that very moment. Mrs Baxter motioned for her daughter to smile and only got a blank stare in return.
They gave a half hearted bow at the end and immediately went their separate ways. Colin was practically booking it to the catering table to stuff his pockets with shrimp and go.
“Aren’t you gonna stay for pictures?” Mrs Winters asked.
“No can do, I’ve got work in the morning.” Colin lied bluntly.
“Not even one with your girlfri- huh?” Mrs Winters said.
Colin looked over to the kids table to see someone stuck in the seat.
“Zoya?” Colin said.
The doctor jumped and nearly smashed her nose on the floor.
“Oh Colin!!! Hi there…” she awkwardly chuckled.
“You know her?” Mrs Winters asked.
“A doctor at Lakeside Hospital… why she’s stuck in a kid’s chair right in front of me is the real question…” Colin said.
“Oh! I was invited byyyyyy…. the groom’s uncle’s cousin, twice removed, and I lost my invite and-“ Zoya stammered.
“I don’t wanna know why or how, I just want to go back to my place….” Colin sighed.
“Dr. McAllen?” Celeste asked in surprise.
“Oh hey there Celeste!” Zoya grinned like a dork. “While I’m here… would you remind Catherine that her breast cancer screening is Friday?”
“Catherine?” Mrs Winters and Colin asked in sync.
“Yeah, that’s Celeste’s-” Zoya said as Celeste frantically shook her hands and head while her family stared at the whole thing.
Celeste could practically hear Zoya’s voice letting out a slow-mo
“GIIIIIIIIIIIRLFRIEEEEEEEEEND.”
Colin ran out of the dancehall carrying Zoya by the folding chair she was stuck in as the atom bomb of Mr and Gramma Baxter’s “different era” attitude turned the wedding into a massive screaming match.
“Where are you parked?!” Colin asked.
“I don’t remember!!!” Zoya said.
He watched Lisa’s corvette pull up, the blonde motioning them to hop in as a raging Mr Baxter barreled towards him.
“Floor it!!!!” Colin shouted as Lisa left the distraught dad in a cloud of smoke.
———————————————————————
“And that’s why they’re rubbing olive oil on my butt, Jamie.” Zoya sighed as Sam finally pulled her free. “Lesson learned; Colin can control himself and there’s no need to worry about a new member of our little ‘friendship’ circle….”
“Unbelievable.” Wendy groaned, “You’re seriously unbelievable, you know that?”
“Who’d he bring home this time?” Lucy asked as she washed the olive oil off her hands.
“See for yourself!” Wendy snapped.