Scott needn’t even glance over at the other boys to feel their curious, bemused stares surveying his smallness. From his vantage point, it was abundantly evident that he was not only the youngest of the boys, but also the puniest, all thanks to his once coveted early pubertal growth. He put forth a silent prayer, wishing fervently for this to be the only spectacle of the day, no more trials or tests to abash him further before the ravenous eyes of the virtual world. Looking over at the other regressed men, what caught Scott’s attention was Kai’s subtle, satisfied smirk. The kid had at least a half foot on the scrawny spy, and his expression made perfectly clear that he knew it, reveled in it even.
“ALRIGHT, LADS! WE’RE ALL SET FOR OUR FIRST CHALLENGE NOW THAT WE’VE GOT NOT A PINCH OF PUBERTY BETWEEN THE LOT OF YA!” Barrie’s announcement promptly dashed any of Scott’s hope that the rest of his day would be any less high key than giving up three decades worth of his physical development.
Barrie pushed on. “LET’S PUT YOU LOT TO THE TEST… IN A BOUT OF STRENGTH!”
“Oh, fuck yeah, dude! I’m all in for this!” Jackson, a tad too gung-ho and ever sure of his physical talent even in boyhood, had excitedly and unwittingly broken what should’ve seemed an obvious rule.
“UH-UH, THAT DIDN’T SOUND QUITE RIGHT, LITTLE GUY!” Barrie chastised. “I DON’T THINK THE “F” WORD IS PROPER LANGUAGE FOR A BOY YOUR AGE! LET THIS BE A FAIR WARNING FOR YOU ALL.”
“Oops, sorry!” Jackson was quick to apologize, neither he nor the other boys entirely sure if even a first trip-up would warrant any punishment, age-based or otherwise. “Frick yeah, I meant... Sorry…”
“NO WORRIES FOR NOW, JACKSON! WE’VE GOT OUR FIRST LITTLE GAME FOR YOU BOYS: THE DAD CLOTHES DUEL!” Following Barrie’s announcement, a frantic flurry of emoji reactions flooded the TV screen, seemingly the audience’s means of communicating their rapt excitement for the test to come.
“THAT’S RIGHT! YOU FOLKS AT HOME VOTED ON THIS ONE BEFORE THIS SEASON EVEN STARTED, AND NOW YOU GET TO SEE IT LIVE!” Barrie spurred on another rich collection of remote reactions, before explaining the predicament the boys were to soon find themselves in. “SO, ‘WHAT’S THE DAD CLOTHES DUEL?’ YOU ASK! WELL, LADS, YOU’VE ALREADY GOT THE DAD CLOTHES!”
The foursome each inspected their oversized, adult attire, realizing that they did look remarkably like curious boys playing dress-up in daddy’s clothes in his absence.
“NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE DUEL! YOU BOYS’LL BE WRESTLING FOR A SPECIAL FIRST PLACE PRIZE AND TO AVOID THE LAST PLACE PENALTY!” The electronic voice echoed harshly off the living room walls.
Wrestling, huh? Despite his unfortunate disadvantage in dimensions, Scott could feel his confidence returning to him in spades! He had trained for many types of physical altercations, a seldom practiced but wholly necessary tool in his secret agent arsenal. He was sure he could take Ernesto, whose only real experience seemed to be his appearance on a few fighting-based shows over the years, and Jackson’s bullheaded, rash approach to life could probably be used against him. Of course, Kai was the variable of interest, a black box thus far in many regards. Nothing in his file suggested that he’d have any hope of winning a fight like this, but his substantial supremacy in stature could prove troublesome.
“TO GET STARTED, EACH CONTESTANT HAS ONE OF TWO GOALS. HE MUST EITHER PIN THE OTHER BOY FOR 5 SECONDS… OR MANAGE TO UNVEIL THE BOY HIDDEN BENEATH DEAR OLD DAD’S DUDS BY YANKING OFF HIS TOP AND TROUSERS. NO NEED TO GO FOR DAD’S UNDERGARMENTS, BUT WE WON’T PENALIZE YOU IF IT HAPPENS!”
Scott’s confidence grew as he sized up the competition. Removal of the other boys’ shirts and pants could prove a fantastic demoralizing measure, instilling fear in them for future competitions, and, if that didn’t work out, he need only pin them for a meager 5 seconds… His training had landed him this job for a reason. The country was counting on him here. Countless lives were at stake. Winning this first game would bring him that much closer to securing NGA’s tech for the American people.
“AND, OF COURSE, WE’VE GOT JUST ONE MORE RULE FOR YOU! HE WHO LEAVES THE BOUNDS OF THE ARENA, the living room,” Barrie coughed. “WILL INCUR THE WRATH OF THE AUDIENCE, WHO SHALL DOLE OUT A PENALTY AS THEY SEE FIT!” The audience responded in kind with a mischievous melody of devil, imp, and smirking emojis.
“NOW, FIRST UP, WE HAVE…” He paused dramatically, milking the adorable, eager looks of anticipation on the boys’ faces. “KAI VS. SCOTT!”
Kai got up from the couch, preempting Barrie’s instructions and tightening his belt after hiking up his boxer-briefs and chinos an awkward height above his thin waist. He looked even more so now like a kid playing dress-up than before. “OKAY BOYS, GET THOSE BELTS NICE AND TIGHT BECAUSE WE START IN 10 SECONDS!”
Scott, feeling the brisk air on his legs, realized he’d been standing without his slacks for the entirety of Barrie’s preamble. As both Barrie and the obnoxious, red, Impact-font timer on the TV counted down, Scott scrambled to pull up his pants and briefs, a touch apprehensive that he not only had to go first, but against Kai no less. His slacks hoisted up above his belly button and belt fastened at the tightest notch it could be—perhaps even that would still not be enough—Scott collected himself and steadied his breathing in the remaining few seconds. Despite inhabiting this weaker, less coordinated form, he was surely the more adept competitor between the two. In this moment, locking eyes with the taller boy on the other side of the couch, Scott yearned for nothing more than to see that sly smugness wiped clean off the oldest boy’s face, for that unmerited arrogance to be rewarded with a trip back to training pants.
“AND ONE! GO GET ‘EM, BOYS!”
In a fraction of a second, Kai deftly and athletically vaulted over the couch, meeting the much tinier boy face to face, deftly grappling him to the floor. It was as if Scott’s reflexes in this body had been severely dulled or even that Kai’s unnerving presence was enough to diminish his capabilities through intimidation alone. The smallest boy found himself suddenly overwhelmed both physically and emotionally, and, as an embarrassing consequence, on the brink of tears. How had he been outmaneuvered so quickly and easily? There’s no way a guy moves like that without some kind of training!
Kai planted a forearm squarely atop Scott’s chest, pinning him to the floor effortlessly. “Hey, man, that looked kinda rough. You all good?”
The bigger boy’s mockery of their earlier exchange was enough to spur Scott on as he propelled every ounce of his strength into toppling Kai off him in a less-than-coordinated, floundering shift of his weight. “Get off me!” Scott hoped his shouting would somehow bolster his meager showing of strength and maybe even put Kai on edge, but it had seemingly only served to entertain the older boy.
“You know, brotha, you were actually kinda scary before, walking in here looking like some grizzled war veteran…” Kai laughed. “Not really the case now, though, pipsqueak”
The two each got to their feet, circling each other carefully as Scott pulled himself together; he’d been trained to maintain a metered control of his emotions in circumstances far more arduous than some kid’s wrestling match. “You think I can’t take you because you’re bigger than me?”
“I know you can’t!” Kai pounced forward, gripping the hem of Scott’s white button-down before spontaneously yanking upwards on the garment.
Scott’s hands were quick enough to hold onto the cuffs of the shirt as Kai managed to pull most of it off the boy’s diminutive frame. He was not agile enough, however, to intercept one of Kai’s hands swooping down for a volley of tummy tickles.
“NOOHAHAHA STOP, KAAHAHHAHAHIII!” It was all Scott could do to endure the oppressive barrage whilst maintaining a firm grip with both hands onto the shirt’s now inside-out cuffs. The garment had effectively been pulled off him, but as long as he could hold on, there was hope he could wrangle it back onto his puny body.
“Awfully ticklish, aren’t you, little Scottie?” Kai’s hand switched back and forth between the boy’s belly and smooth armpits, attempting to discern if either location might yield a better reaction.
Kai’s torment had gone on long enough, Scott decided, instinctually and innately. Requiring an immediate respite from this assault before he passed out from laughing, Scott forcefully shoved the 12-year-old into the back of the couch. In doing so, of course, Scott was left completely shirtless for both Kai and the many onlookers to gawk at. He caught a glimpse of the TV, noting how his quarter of the screen had lit up with laughing and heart emojis. Kai’s was similarly inundated with miscellaneous symbols of the audience’s seeming approval. At least they all seemed to be enjoying this humiliating brawl. For their part, Jackosn and Ernesto watched on attentively and silently, neither wanting to influence the outcome of the fight with unsolicited cheers and jeers; though, the two traded a somber, knowing glance, both anticipating a certain outcome.
“Missing something, Scottie?” Kai snobbishly flourished the oversized shirt before unceremoniously tossing it across the boundary into the hall.
Scott knew in his rational, adult mind that he need not let this rattle him, that Kai was engaged in a very calculated war of provocation and wits, but god damn it was he pissed! Kai was just some self-satisfied, asshole islander with no business being this sure of himself. Overcome by his irritation, the carefully crafted and practiced playbook of moves he’d been trained to perform time and time again had seeped deeper into his subconscious thought, taking a backseat to the righteous, boyish anger that bubbled up within him.
The riled-up agent leapt forward, aiming to level the playing field and strip Kai of some of his clothes. How would he like being exposed to an international audience? Scott gripped at the baggy cloth of the chinos around Kai’s thighs, yanking downward as hard as he could… but to no avail. Foreseeing such an obvious gambit, Kai had cemented a heavy grip on the waistband of his pants, fully countering any downward trajectory initiated by his desperate opponent.
“Not happening, buddy.” Kai swiftly brought a knee up into the boy’s stomach, causing him to stumble backward. Capitalizing off this counterattack, Kai rammed his shoulder into the boy, steering him into the hallway.
Scott had managed to maintain his breathing, despite the hard abdominal blow, but he had been completely caught off guard by Kai’s quick thinking, and as his body flew backward, he felt a discomforting chill over his entire body, namely his lower half. He landed a bit harder than he’d have preferred, even for a carpeted area, so he needed a moment to get his bearings again, as a lot had just happened in the last 5 seconds. Scott steadied his gaze on the boy standing rather triumphantly near his feet: in one raised hand, he teased a pair of khaki slacks, while a pair of black men’s briefs adorned the other.
“I wonder how young they’re gonna make you, man! The crowd’s loving this.” Kai tried and failed to contain his laughter. He had, after all, completely trounced the once toughest-looking contestant to walk into the house.