// im so fucking high
John felt... deeply disturbed. Whatever happened between him and Scott wasn't something that he felt like he had much agency over, in a way, since the wizard costume made it's way into his mind as well. His desires, knowledge, personality, were changed. And it felt good, too, to do that to somebody else.
Looking at Scott, John wanted... well, he wanted to start over. These costumes WERE incredible. But it didn't feel right to do so right now. Not like this, not with what just happened, not with the fire burning in his friend's mind.
Hunched over, John put his hand at the other arm's elbow, looking away from Scott. Eye contact was out of the menu. He didn't like it in the first place, though he forced himself to do it sometimes to appear 'earnest'.
"You, um... wanna get the fuck out of here?"
"Yeah." Scott replied, heading out. The two of them kept the costumes storaged up.
John was woken up by sunlight filling the room. As the seasons marched on, the dawns grew later and later, so... it's probably later in the morning than when he would usually wake up. He didn't want to get out of bed, memories of the previous day still weighing on his consciousness. Groggily, he shoved away the blanket above him, letting a wave of fresh air wash over his body. Moving around, he felt a cold pool of sweat staining the sheets... might as well get out, bed is gross right now.
Making his way to the bathroom, he walked by Scott's room. Scott was in the mid of his own bed wamblings.
His heart felt like it dissociated itself from his body. It's called... sinking, I think. A sinking feeling. Frankly, it felt more like pulling, like his heart was suddenly dragged elsewhere. Or like the world suddenly got much bigger, and now the proportionately-small heart is in shock of the scale and distance that it now finds itself in in relation to everything else.
Breakfast was fine. John didn't bother making any, neither did Scott, so they just helped themselves to whatever was leftover in the fridge. It was uncomfortable for them to sit next to one another right now, but they WERE friends, and they knew they had to work it through, so they went through the routine as usual. Sooner or later one of them would break the ice and they would begin healing.
Biting into a piece of bread, John thought about the costumes. That was the only thing he could think of besides Scott, so... he had a chance to do some introspection. Why was he so drawn to the costumes?
Is it about Halloween? Were it about the holiday, that'd simply roll the ball down the line. The explanation could be a simple pursuit of entertainment, where the ball would inevitably come to a halt. But it could be about something more meaningful. Was there a spiritual reason behind it?
Was it an escape? Yes. In a way. Going from one life to another, it's like... You've left everything behind. You're not attached to that anymore. You can be perceived in a new way, make something new of yourself, BE something new.
"Why do you call it escape?" a thought emerged in his head, spoken by somebody else.
John always had some problems with his mental health. He'd experience mood swings, lose passion for things he used to love, he'd curl up in bed for hours until he managed to stabilise himself. And... he wasn't really alone in his head.
"Because my life fucking sucks, I guess. I realize that some people do fine. Most people are getting by. Most people would probably prefer to trudge on with their routine, because they're all building towards something, because they don't want to leave that progress behind," he replied to another him.
Best way to describe his mind would be, like... saying his mind ran multiple programs. Personalities. They ran simultaneously, all draining his energy, but all producing results. Sometimes some were closed, sometimes some could be launched at will. He was very efficient at work, but he was quick to burn out.
Sometimes he hallucinated. Sometimes he didn't feel like he was the one controlling his flesh. But it was something he'd gotten used to.
"Makes sense, yeah. Is it about more than just leaving your old life behind, though? Is there any curiosity in what it would feel like if you were... normal?"
He was normal. This was studied, categorized, diagnosed. This didn't make him inferior. It made him incompatible with society's expectations, yes, but he was a human being.
"Sorry for saying that, yeah, poor choice of words... What if you weren't mentally ill, I meant." Thoughts blended together. It was a stream of consciousness. The outside world doesn't matter right now. Our attention is focused here.
"I don't fucking know. Does it matter? I'm talking to myself, meanwhile I should be apologizing to my friend."
"It matters to some degree. Yes, we need to apologize, but we have to figure out what we want to do with the costumes, too. Do you want to try them out again?"
Yes. He did. He didn't like his life. He didn't like his body. He didn't like himself all that much.
They were snapped out of his deliberation by the waving of a hand in front of their eyes.
"Ground control to Major Tom?" Scott said, smirk on his face. "Stop doing that, it feels like you're ignoring me. Been trying to get you to say something for the last minute."
He was still here, physically, even if they felt like he occupied a different space when he was deep in thought like that. There was still food on the plate. His friend was still there. He needed to pull his soul back into the flesh, tether his thoughts to the conversation at hand.
"S-sorry, got lost in my thoughts, haha..." John laughed meekly, grabbing at the back of his head.
"You figure anything out, Mister Hivemind?"
John told Scott about his brain at some point in the past, trying to explain as well as he could. Scott took it well, saying that he got multiple friends for the price of one. That... That felt good. Acceptance was so fucking comforting.
"Yeah, um... I apologize?" John smiled.
- Good going, idiot, - a thought slipped through.
"It took you five minutes of stupor to figure that out? On top of all the thinking you've done since we got away from the blasted costumes?" Scott leaned in with a grin, hands crossed beneath his chin.
"Oh, shut up..." John leaned back into the seat, arms fallen at his sides.
Scott's face got serious as he looked John in the eyes. Scott knew it made John uncomfortable, so he felt like it had to be done to get the point driven in.
"What are you sorry for, John?"
Crossing his arms, John looked away, mumbling out:
"I'm sorry I didn't warn you about what the costumes were going to do... and I'm sorry for mindfucking you without consent."
Scott nodded. This probably makes it stick, then. Hopefully John learned his lesson.
They finished breakfast, but neither wanted to move. The conversation wasn't finished. The question was on both of their minds.
"What do we do with the costumes?" Scott said, leaning his head on an arm as he spun a fork with the other hand.
"We use em, obviously. We... set clear boundaries of what we are and aren't allowed to do, and then we put on whatever costumes we want and have fun. It's the weekend." The costumes weren't bad. The users were. If they both know what they want, then they can use the suits correctly.
"I'm not letting you in the wizard robe." Scott pointed the fork accusingly.
"Shouldn't one of us wear it, though? It gives all sorts of knowledge about how to use the costumes. It's like being a handler." John raised a fork of his own, playfully pointing it at Scott's. A fork duel could happen at any moment. Tensions were high.
"Then I must wear this burden." Scott's fork drew close to John's. With a flick of a wrist, the ringing noise of clashing blades signalled the beginning of a fight to the death. Forks swung at one another, keen to disarm the opponent.
"So that you can mindfuck me?" John's blade landed a firm blow on the opponent's fork.
"I think you'd like that, anyways. Or I'd make you like it. "Enjoy being a dog"." Scott struck a low blow. The clashing of the silverware stopped abruptly and was followed by clanging as Scott hit John's fork hard enough to blow it out of his hand and throw it to the floor. "That's why we set boundaries, John, right? So that unconsenual mindfucking doesn't happen."
"Right, that's... true." Fuck. John really loved fucking around with Scott, the two of them acted like they never grew up.
"So, let's figure out what we want, then grab some costumes... and I'll guide you into an another life." Scott put down the fork, crossing his arms.