Jeff said, "I don't want the dog collar. I'll give it back to you if you help me return it."
The employee said, "Listen bud, there are laws about dogs. You've got to be on a leash. Now grab a leash to go with your dog collar and let's get it paid for or I'm calling animal control."
Jeff said, "I'm a human. I'm not a dog."
The employee picked up his phone and started calling animal control.
Jeremy pleaded, "Come on, Jeff. You don't want to end up at the Humane Society do you?"
Jeff pleaded, "Help me get this collar off."
Jeremy said, "If you want a different collar, that's fine but let's get a collar and leash so you don't get in trouble, okay."
The employee started talking to animal control, "Yes, officer, I have a dog in my store that is off his leash."
Jeff asked, "May I speak with them, please?"
The employee said, "Sure."
Jeff took the phone and said, "Listen, officer. I am a human. There is no dog here."
The officer said, "Calm down boy. This is why we have leash laws. You dogs are so excitable. Now please, sir, put yourself on a leash or we will come down there and haul you off to the Humane Society."
Jeff asked, "What would happen to me at the Humane Society?"
The officer said, "You will be held there until your owner claims you or you get adopted. Now have you attacked anyone of bitten anyone?"
Jeff said, "No sir."
The officer said, "Good boy. Then all you have to do is put yourself on a leash and we don't have to come down there. As long as you are on a leash, we'll leave you alone."
Jeff said, "Fine then."
The officer asked, "You'll get a leash?"
Jeff said, "I'll buy a leash."
The officer said, "Good boy. Have a nice day." and ended the call.
Jeff turned to the employee, "Please give me time to pick out a leash."
The employee harrumphed, "Fine but I'll be watching. Go straight to the pet aisle and stop loitering."
As they walked, Jeff said, "Help me get this collar off." They both tried but no matter what they tried, the collar would not come off. Jeff said, "See if you can borrow some scissors or a knife."
Jeff looked at leashes while Jeremy found the employee. The employee said, "You'll still have to pay for it."
Jeremy shouted across the store, "YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR IT."
Jeff shouted back, "THAT'S FINE. I JUST DON'T WANT TO WEAR THIS DAMN THING ANYMORE."
So the employee brought scissors and a knife but neither would cut the collar. Jeff sighed and picked out a blue-green leash. "This better be a nightmare and I better wake up soon."
Then Jeremy looked at dog treats. Jeff asked, "Why are you looking at dog treats for? You don't own a dog."
Jeremy said, "They're for you, buddy. Now what kind of treats would you like. There's ginger, teriyaki, peanut butter, bacon, jerky, hickory, smokehouse and barbecue."
Jeff yelled, "I DON'T WANT DOG TREATS. I'M A HUMAN."
Jeremy said, "I'll get you smokehouse. I know how much you love smokehouse."
Jeff groaned. With leash, t-shirt and dog treats in hand, they headed toward the register. At the register Jeff grabbed a bag of chocolates.
Jeremy immediately grabbed the chocolates and said, "Bad dog. You know chocolate is bad for dogs. Now drop it, boy."
Jeff yelled, "I'M A HUMAN AND I WANT CHOCOLATE."
The two boys played tug of war but it was in the way that one plays tug of war with a dog. Jeremy just kept repeating, "Drop it. Drop it, boy." Finally, Jeff let go but as Jeremy put the bag of chocolates back, Jeff whipped around and grabbed a different bag of chocolates.
Jeremy said, "Fine. Have your chocolate but don't come whining to me when you get a belly ache. You're a big enough dog, a little chocolate might not be a problem but please don't overdose."
Jeff sighed. They put their purchases on the counter. Jeff paid for the collar, the leash, the t-shirt and the chocolate. Jeremy paid for the dog treats. Jeremy also got one of those reusable shopping bags. Then Jeff excused himself to the bathroom to change into the t-shirt. When Jeff came out, Jeremy snapped the leash on and held the handle end as the two walked out.
Jeff asked, "Where do you want to go now?"
Jeremy said, "We could go to the dog park and play fetch."
Jeff yelled, "ARE YOU CRAZY. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY FETCH."
Jeremy said, "We could walk the greenbelt to the White Dog Brewery. They're dog friendly."
Jeff said, "Fine, I could use a beer."
Jeremy said, "You can't have a beer."
Jeff growled, "I am going to have a beer and you can't stop me."
Jeremy said, "Down boy. What's gotten into you? Why all this growling?"
Jeff growled, "I am going to have a beer and you can't stop me."
Jeremy said, "Fine. Make yourself sick. See if I care."
As they walked, they talked pretty much like normal with only occasional hints about the dog thing. Then a stranger commented, "Hey weirdo, why'd you dress your dog up?"
Jeremy shouted, "HE'S NOT MY DOG." He let go of the leash. Jeff removed it.
The stranger said, "Whatever" and moved on.
A little later, another man yelled, "Look at the fem boy and his fancy dog."
Jeremy blushed and turned to Jeff, "You're embarrassing me. Why are you wearing clothes?"
Jeff said, "It's my choice. You don't own me."
Jeremy said, "No, I don't own you but can you be a little considerate toward me? You understand what it makes me look like walking around with a dressed up dog, right?"
Jeff grumbled. After a while, Jeff said, "I need to pee. There's a store near here."
Jeremy bent down and started undoing Jeff's pants.
Jeff grabbed his pants and asked, "What are you doing?"
Jeremy said, "There's plenty of trees nearby. As long as you don't pee near the water, it's allowed."
Jeff said, "I'm not peeing on a tree like a dog."
Jeremy yelled, "I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I'M NOT GOING ANY FURTHER WITH YOU WHILE YOU'RE WEARING PANTS. YOU CAN WANDER ALONE BUT WATCH OUT FOR ANIMAL CONTROL."
Jeff worried. With how crazy everyone was treating him, there was a real threat that animal control would take him away. He still couldn't figure out how to remove the collar or reverse the magic.
Jeff said, "Listen, Jeremy, seriously, magic is real. This collar is making everyone treat me like a dog but I'm not a dog. Please snap out of it and help me."
Jeremy said, "I am helping you. Now let go of your pants."
Jeff let go and Jeremy pulled Jeff's pants down. Jeremy said, "Boxer trunks? On a dog? Seriously?" Jeremy pulled Jeff's trunks down too and helped him remove them completely.
Jeff asked, "Can I at least keep my shoes and shirt?"
Jeremy said, "Fine."
Jeff's shirt did not hang low enough to cover his genitals. There was not plenty of trees. There were some trees but they were skinny trees that Jeff could not hide behind. Jeff found the best tree and let go knowing that everyone who passed by could easily see what he was doing. He worried that someone would call the cops for his lewd behavior but no one seemed to mind.
Jeremy put Jeff's pants and trunks in his canvas bag but reattached the leash and the two of them continued walking with Jeff's cock hanging out for all to see. Why bother covering when no one cares?
They got to the White Dog Brewery and the place had good music and a dance floor. The music was not loud like a bar. It was dance music but it was a blend of jazz and blues. Jeremy let go of the leash and Jeff took it off again leaving it at the table. Jeff started dancing.
Jeremy said, "Sit."
Jeff kept dancing.
Jeremy pulled out a dog treat. "Sit, Jeff. Don't you want this delicious smokehouse dog treat."
Jeff said, "No, I don't want a dog treat. Leave me alone."
Jeremy pulled out his phone. Jeff asked, "Whatcha doing?"
"I'm looking up how to train a dog that doesn't like treats."
Jeff sat down. The seat was cold and hard on his bare butt. "Why do you want to train me? I thought we were friends."
Jeremy said, "We are but what am I supposed to do with a dog that won't be trained."
Jeff asked, "Am I a dog or am I a human?"
Jeremy said, "Yes."
Jeff asked, "How can a human be a dog?"
Jeremy said, "You're not making any sense. A human cannot be a dog."
Jeff asked, "So which am I, a human or a dog?"
Jeremy asked, "Why are you acting so weird today? Why are you asking such a weird question?"
Jeff said, "Because I cannot be both a dog and a human at the same time. I have to be one or the other, right?"
Jeremy said, "Right. You can't be both a human and a dog at the same time."
Jeff asked, "So which am I? Am I a dog or am I a human?"
Jeremy said, "Yes, you are."
Jeff gasped in frustration. He got a beer and went back to dancing while Jeremy continued to learn how to train a dog that doesn't like treats.
Jeff said, "Maybe we could do human things like we used to do like dancing or playing basketball."
Jeremy said, "Sure, sounds like fun." but he kept his nose in his phone.
Then a woman shrieked, "There's a naked man in the bar. Call the police."
Jeremy looked up from his phone and cried, "Jeff, where are your pants? Why aren't you wearing any pants?"
Jeff looked squarely at Jeremy and said, "Make up your mind. Do you want me to wear pants or not? You have my pants in your bag."