As Yiffr rocketed to the peak of the App Store charts, animals took notice too. No, they didn’t understand the complex workings of a smart phone, however, any creature with the brain the size of a mouse’s could learn to associate the thin rectangular shape of a phone with a mate. And not just any mate, with a genetically-perfect mate crafted for their needs.
It didn’t take long for ecologists to notice a sharp decline in same-species courting behavior strongly that was associated with an increased rate of animals fearlessly approaching human dwellings. Concerned zoologists lobbied to ban Yiffr, siting these observations as a coming ecoligical doomsday – that many species would go extinct as they pursued humans, leading to complete environmental collapse! But as weeks passed, much the opposite happened.
Contrary to expectations, local animal populations were bolstered to levels unimaginable. Even endangered species on the brink of disappearing saw massive increases in numbers so that they were now listed as species of least concern. As it turned out, people were highly receptive to animals’ offers to mate.
And why wouldn’t they be? Courtship between humans was a dramatic, expensive affair, often ending in awkward moments, rejection, and shame. But unlike humans, animals don’t experience shame. They don’t bundle themselves up in layers of clothes and hide away their true desires like people do. They wear their nakedness with pride, parading it around for all to see – unafraid to give and get pleasure.
It was little wonder why school proms and clubs and bars started to dry up, why extended camping trips in the woods became the hottest vacation trend. Social media users of all kinds began posting clips of animals from aardvarks to zebras running up to them and courting them. Whether it be intricate mating dances or simply humping the poster’s leg, people found themselves flustered and intrigued, wondering what it would be like to take the courting to the next step. Online tutorials on animal body language wracked in tens of millions of views as books on animal husbandry became best sellers. Human marriages broke off in amicable divorce only for ex-husband and ex-wife to begin new relationships on all fours. For some, jobs began to become secondary to living as an animal, women and men alike using coffee breaks to change into animals and nurse their new inhuman offspring in secret.
Of course, the taboo still existed. Conservative nay-sayers that shouted foul at any new social development naturally decried the erosion of human relationships. But it wasn’t at all uncommon for their words to turn into orgasmic howls and bleats as they too succumbed to the siren song of bestial lust. All it took was a chance meeting to leave a skeptic on all fours, addicted to sex as an animal.