Jake awoke to find himself in the driveway of his home.
He groggily looked around and his father said, "Come on, I know you feel better. Quit wasting time."
Instantly, Jake felt like he was back at full power. He looked down and saw that his dad had grabbed some food and some beer. He threw the beer into the old fridge he had in the garage and sat down in a lawn chair he liked to drink and smoke in on afternoons.
"Wolf that food down." He said, "You need to get this lawn mowed and weeded before it gets dark."
Jake swallowed the food in what felt like two or three bites and got to work mowing.
His dad began to make his way through the beers he had purchased.
Jake worked until sunset. As he shut off the weedwacker, his dad said, "Good job son! The yard looks great. See what effort and attention to detail will do for you! Why don't you have a seat and drink a sip of beer with your old man?"
Jake sat down, his naked body covered with sweat and dirt from all of that naked yard work.
His dad was at least ten beers in. He offered Jake one and opened his last.
"I been sittin here the whole time you were mowing wonderin how you went and did that trick today with the shorts and stuff." Steve Collins said, taking a bleary look at his son. How'd you do it?"
"Honestly, I don't know." Jake said.
"Awww comeon it's just you and me here. How'd you make it look so real?" His dad said, his drunkenness becoming more apparent.
"I've heard it said that an illusionist never reveals the tricks of the trade." Jake said trying to get away from one of the weirder events of the day.
His dad looked around at all the empty bottles on the table and said, "Ok. Pull a cold beer out of your ass and I'll drop it."
Jake stood up, the hard cold sensation making him jolt to attention. He reached behind him and felt the neck of a bottle barely poking from his ass. Without hesitation he yanked it out shuddering at the rapid sensation of cold glass sliding through one of his most sensitive spots on his body.
"Holy hell!" His dad exclaimed as Jake set the ice-cold bottle down on the table.
"Do it again!" His drunken middle aged father shouted. Once more, the bottle appeared and Jake pulled it free.
"That's the craziest thing I've ever seen!" his father said with a belching laugh. "You could take that act on the road. What do they say... what do they say to stage people? Oh break a leg!"
Jake heard the crack and felt the pain and then hit the ground writhing.
"Oh God! Help! Help! I gotta find my phone..." he heard his dad shout and then he passed out from the pain.
Jake woke up in a bed in the hospital emergency room.