Sylvia looked out the clothes laid out in the wardrobe. It was all so cute and colorful; she wanted to see how she looked in them all. Unfortunately, she had to be back at work soon; Lakshmi Patel, the director for the Accounting Department, was a real stickler for punctuality.
Finaly, she picked a lime green turtleneck blouse with a purple blazer and matching business skirt. The facings of the blazer were buttoned back, revealing a green, yellow, and orange checkered pattern. Over her new clown feet Sylvia pulled on knee-length socks that matched the facings of her blazer and then pulled on green and purple pancake-toed Mary-janes.
Fully clothed, Sylvia put on the gold necklace and the gold hoop earrings she had taken off before the experiment, and with Dr. Harriets help, rolled her green hair into a chignon bun.
Looking in the mirror, the newly clowned accountant nodded, pleased at how silly and colorful she now looked but how the pattern of her clothes, hairstyle, and jewelry let her retain an air of professional dignity.
Darren Bales, Dr. Harriet's male assistant held out a clipboard. "Sign here, and we'll arrange to have the rest of these clothes to be sent to your residence," Sylvia nodded, took the clip board and signed, then squeezed her big red nose. Honk!
Sylvia made her way back from R&D to Accounting; her big feet caused her to walk in a funny waddle. As she passed her co-workers, Sylvia would wave, giggle and honk her nose.
"Oh. excuse me." Sylvia looked down and saw Emma Watson had accidently bumped her wheelchair against her. Emma looked up at the clown and her eyes went wide. "Sylvia?"
"He-he, yes, he-he it's me," Sylvia giggled and honked her nose. "Neat huh, he-he." Honk!
"Well, I guess it's less of an adjustment than when R&D experimented on me," Emma said glumly. Two weeks ago, Emma had been a perfectly ordinary young marketing executive just starting her career before she was summoned to be a test subject. Now she was a mermaid, and not only needed a wheelchair to get around on land, but she also had to dab the gills on her neck with a towel soaked in seawater every few minutes and take a saltwater shower every three hours or she risked drying out. "You even get more of a wardrobe; all I can wear now are bikini tops."
"By the way, he-he, have you moved into that new place yet he-he?" Honk!
"You mean that indoor pool that was set up for me? Yes," Emma said. "It took a couple of weeks, but I'm just glad the company was willing to foot the bill, and my parents own that condo complex."
"Whatever." The two turned their heads and saw Clara Smitts, one of the cleaning ladies, leaning next to a water fountain. "I'm just glad me and other cleaners work for an agency separate from this company."
"Too bad, he-he." Sylvia honked her nose. "I love being a clown, he-he; I never felt so joyful and uninhibited!" Honk! "I only wish I could somehow share-Ah-ah-ACHOO!" Sylvia sneezed-somehow even her sneezing sounded silly-directly at Clara. She didn't even have time to cover her nose. "Sorry, he-he."
Clara grunted in annoyance. "Did this affect her mind too? she asked the mermaid.
Emma rolled her eyes. "Evidently." Her own transformation hadn't affected her mentally; she still sometimes wished she could go back to being a normal human woman. But she had resigned herself to living as a mermaid and was willing to put up with the inconveniences that came with it.
Clara grabbed her cleaning cart. "Well, I've got work
to do, and so do the both of you." As she walked away, the cleaning lady scratched her nose; it felt a little stuffed up.
Sylvia and Emma likewise went back to their respective departments; as the new clown entered Accounting, a few heads were raised but only a few. Jake Lewis, who worked a couple of cubicles down from Sylvia had gone to R&D a couple of weeks ago and now was an intelligent gorilla. And Phyllis Rivers who worked on the northeast corner, had gone there a month ago and had been turned into and actual naga. Seeing a newcomer come back as a clown was hardly something most would get excited about.
Sylvia sat down at her cubicle. She sighed; it now looked so drab and ordinary, save for a can of silly string and bottle of seltzer water that somehow had been left over from the office New Years Eve party. She'd need to get a new purse too, and a briefcase to fit her silly new look.
But that would have to wait until later. Now, she had work to do; Sylvia turned on her laptop and immediately began working on the budget for the Marketing Department. As she clacked away, Sylvia noted in the back of her mind that Dr. Harriet had been right-when focused on work, Sylvia's clownish impulses subsided, to concentrate on the job at hand.
Once her work for the Marketing Department was done, Sylvia next moved on to the budget for the Sales Department, and then P.R, and then the expenses for the upcoming company retreat.
She had just finished her work on the last when she heard a voice behind her. "Sylvia?" Sylvia spun her chair around, Julia Warrick who worked three cubicles to the left of her was standing at the entrance to her cubicle. "Sylvia, you really are a clown now? How does it feel?"
"Wonderful, he-ha-ha." Honk! "I wish I could describe it to you, how incredibly joyful it makes me feel, he-he-ha-ha, it's just indescribable the joy that feels me!" Honk!
Sylvia let Julia feel her big feet through her shoes and squeeze her big red nose. Honk! "Sorry, but this is just the weirdest thing I've seen since I started working here, and that's saying a lot, considering this place." She let out a sigh. "I just hope R&D never summons me for one of their experiments."
"And why mess with perfection?" Sylvia and Julia both rolled their eyes when they saw Jim Daniels, the self-proclaimed office 'ladies' man' saunter up to them; Julia had the latest target of his lecherous advances. "Julia, when are you and your husband going to finalize your divorce? I can't keep waiting you know."
Julia stiffened. "How many times do I have to tell you, Daniels, I'm HAPPILY MARRIED. I'm not divorcing my husband, and I have no interest in you. And we are not signing those divorce papers I know you sent us in the mail."
"R&D should turn you into a pig, he-he," Sylvia giggled and honked her nose. "Of course nobody would notice anything." Honk!
Jim turned, as if noticing Sylvia for the first time. "Oh yes, they made you a clown. Well, I can say it's an improvement over the mousey introvert you were before."
Julia groaned. "Daniels, why can't you act your age and not your shoe size?"
"You should look your age too, he-he-ha-ha," Sylvia giggled then reached out and yanked off Jim's toupee.
The entire Accounting Department burst out in gales of laughter at the sight of Daniel's bald pate, and the look of horror on his face as the secret he'd kept hidden for so long was revealed before the department. The loudest laughs came from the female accountants whom Daniels had previously hit on, as Sylvia picked up the can of silly string and sprayed him with it.
"You're bald!" Julia chortled. "I can't believe it!"
"H-how did you know-?"
"I didn't, he-he-ha-ha, not really." Honk! "I just suspected, he-he-ha-ha, you just seem like the slimy-ah-ah-AH-CHOO!" Sylvia sneezed again directly at both Daniels and Julia.
"All right, that's enough." The laughter died down as Lakshmi Patel, a thirty something Indian American woman, walked over to Sylvia's cubicle. "Daniels, I've been tolerating your behavior long enough, because your cousin happens to be on the board, and you are a good accountant. Lately, however, I've been thinking hard about terminating you; consider this karma for the way you've been bothering your co-workers."
Pained and humiliated, Jim Daniels silently nodded and wiped off the silly string Sylvia sprayed on him. He picked up the hairpiece Sylvia has tossed at his feet and slumped back to his own cubicle. With a dismissal from Ms. Patel, Julia also went back to her own workspace.
Ms. Patel looked back at Sylvia. "Well, Ms. Tisdale, first of all I want to tell you I've been reviewing your work since you've gotten back from R&D and I must say I am impressed."
"Thank you, hee-hee-ha-ha." Sylvia giggled and honked her nose, before sitting down the silly string can and picking up the seltzer bottle.
"Indeed. In fact, it's above your usual work."
"When it comes to the job, hee-hee-ha-ha, I'm nothing but serious," Sylvia giggled as she placed the end of the seltzer bottle on her clown nose, squeezed-and seltzer squirted out of her ears.
Lakshmi chuckled, then sobered. "Anyway, I want to say that Daniels certainly deserved that humiliation you gave him. Heck, after that humiliation he'll probably put in to be transferred." She paused, as if looking for the right words. "However, we can't have the workplace disrupted by antics like that. Now I'm not telling you to suppress your new-impulses- just try to keep it toned down. Understand?"
"Of course, he-he-ha-ha." Honk! "I'm a clown, not an idiot he-he-ha-ha." Honk!
"Good. Hope I didn't insult you in any way," Sylvia shook her head. "Okay, now, in light of how well you did your work today, and considering how you need to get adjusted to your new form, I've decided to let you take the rest of the day off."
"Thank you." Sylvia stood up and shook her director's hand. "Don't worry, he-he-ha-ha, I'll come back Monday and be ready to work as usual." It was Friday, and Sylvia would have the entire weekend to adjust to her new life as a clown.
She reached up to honk her nose again, only to sneeze at her boss. "Sorry."
"It's okay. Any, have a good weekend." The accounting director turned and head back to her office.
Sylvia gathered up her belongings and waved and honked her nose goodbye at her co=workers as she headed out of the Accounting Department. The small condo-house she rented with three of her former college friends was about three blocks away; normally she took a cab or Uber driver but today she decided to walk. She wouldn't draw much notice since this town was the type that had street performers and people who dressed weird everywhere, most wouldn't even take a second glance at a clown walking by.
But little did Sylvia know about the Clown Virus the cold germs remaining in her had mutated into. Or that she had infected Dr. Harriet, Darren, Clara the cleaning lady, Julia, Jim Daniels, and Director Patel. They're own transformations would not happen as rapidly as hers had, and the type of clowns they'd turn into would depend on factors like their personalities, their positions at work, and even character traits they had been repressing. And they carried the virus too. Those who R&D had already experimented on would be immune but anyone else would get infected.
And their lives would become a LOT funnier.