“Will you excuse me?” asked Sarah suddenly. “I don’t feel very well. I think that cake was very rich and I ate a whole slice,” she explained as she made a beeline for the back of the house.
“Ooooooh, maybe there’s gonna be a little Uncle Brad or Aunt Sarah clone running around soon,” said Caroline, knowing the couple had been trying to conceive for months. “Can you imagine what their babies would look like? She’s basically a model and he looks like every insurance salesman in existence.”
“They call it morning sickness because it happens in the morning, moron,” said Eric in that tone that only 15-year-old boys can have. “It’s eight p.m.”
Caroline and her mother Misty rolled their eyes. “Remind us to actually teach you about women’s bodies before you start dating,” said Misty.
“We’ve probably only got fifteen or twenty years before that happens,” added Caroline as her brother gave her the finger.
“I’m gonna go check on Sarah,” said Brad. “Y’all keep celebrating. There’s more beer in the beer fridge. And none for you, small fry,” he said as he ruffled. Eric’s hair.
“Honey? You okay?” said Brad through the door over the sound of retching.
“No,” said Sarah, “I think I have food poisoning. Really bad. I can’t even get up.”
“Or you’re pregnant,” said Brad.
“No, Brad. I had my period two weeks ago, remember? You came back from Midland and brought me my favorite kolaches as a peace offering?”
Okay, then,” said Brad. “I’m taking you to the hospital.” He opened the door and scooped up his poor wife.
—-AT THE HOSPITAL—-
“Good morning, Miz Kelton, I’m Dr. Pierce. I’ve got the results of the blood tests and ultrasound we ran.”
“Why would you run those for food poisoning?” snapped Sarah. “We’ve been here for hours! I should’ve had my stomach pumped by now!”
“It’s not food poisoning,” said Dr. Pierce. “Nobody else got sick and in any case food poisoning doesn’t set in for six or more hours.”
“Is she pregnant?” Brad asked hopefully.
“No,” said the doctor. “You have Second Puberty.”
Sarah laughed out loud. “You’re an idiot. Can we get a doctor in here who didn’t finish last in his class? I can’t have Second Puberty. I already had it. I was born Steven Michael Pearson. And besides, I’m 39, it’s too late for Second Puberty.”
“And yet,” Dr. Pierce cut across her, “there’s not a doubt in the world. The blood tests are conclusive. We have a second test we run as a matter of course, and your markers are off the charts. You’re welcome to go insult another of my colleagues, but we’ve all looked at the results and their opinion will be the same as mine, just more expensive.” Sarah glared at him. “I’ll give you some hyoscyamine for the stomach cramps, but you’ll need to go to a Second Puberty clinic for an EBD, an early body determination. And given your results and the severity of your nausea and cramps, I’d go tomorrow morning first thing. In the meantime, there’s nothing more I can do for you here. Pick up the medicine at the pharmacy, you’re free to go.” He swept out of the room.
Sarah stared at Brad. “How… how is this… how…” she burst into uncontrollable sobs and threw herself into her husband’s arms. “I can’t! I love who I am! I want to have your babies! I want to spend my life with you! I don’t want this!” She beat her fists ineffectually on his back.
“Come on, honey. We’ll get through this. Maybe he’s wrong. I’ll take the day off tomorrow and bring you to the clinic. Whatever this is, we’re in it together.”
“But what if I end up straight? And you’re straight! You won’t want me anymore even if I wanted you!” Sarah wailed.
“That’s a bridge we’ll cross when we come to it. Come on, let’s go home.”