No matter what she told herself, it didn't sit well with June what she did. Her day passing slower than she considered it would, she was distracted more and more as she tried to tell herself, "This is a good thing," and, "Damion will learn to like being a girl," among other things. But, by the time she went to pick up Tanya, she was faced with the simple truth of how, no matter what she told herself, it all seemed hollow and made her wonder if she was in some ways a bad person.
The drive back to the apartment passing in silence for most of the way, June did try and break it at one point by asking her daughter, "How was your day," which was met with a shrug, a simple, to-the-point answer, then silence.
Conflicted, wanting to know what she ought to do, the rest of the day slipped past in a blur as she sent Tanya to go do her homework, then play when she'd finished with it, June prepared supper, and, a surprise for both, though neither realised it, they spent a comfortable evening cuddled up with each other as mother and daughter on the couch watching television. Afterward, sending Tanya to bed, June waited a bit before taking from her closet the laptop and emitter and sitting down on her bed.
Computer booted up, she stared at the profile it'd pulled up. Reading over everything it said about her, June sighed upon seeing how it stated she had a daughter named Tanya. Thinking over this, she kenned the one good thing about all this was how easy, normal, it had been to accept the girl was her child, despite how it ate at her the way she'd forced a young man she couldn't really stand to become someone they were not. Wondering what she could do about it, she toyed with the idea of trying to scan Tanya as she considered maybe there was a way to revert the person changed back to who they'd been. Thinking she might be onto something, June ejected the emitter, stood and hurried across her room and out into the hallway.
On tiptoes, she crept toward her daughter's room. Peeking inside, confronted by the familiar imagery her mind insisted she'd help her daughter pick out, then decorate the room with, June almost changed her mind upon seeing the little girl snugged up with a plush dinosaur. Stealing across the room, she eased herself down next to the bed, and for a minute watched the other sleep. Seeing the troubled look Tanya had sported on and off during the moments June had really looked at her, with the exception being when they'd sat together watching TV, had left her, June felt an outpouring of love for the little one. Asking herself, "Can I really do this? And who will it be better for?" she almost stole back across the room, but, at the last minute, before she could change her mind, she aimed the device at the sleeping form and scanned her daughter. Humming and vibrating in the slightest, June was glad Tanya was such a heavy sleeper, waking only in cases of actually needing to, such as if she needed to use the bathroom in the night, or when she needed to get up in the morning. Leaning forward, she gave the girl a quick kiss on the forehead and whispered, "Love you, baby," before turning away.
Back in her room, June plugged the emitter back into the laptop, uploaded the new profile, and spent the next half hour trying to figure out a way to bring Damion back, even as the idea of losing her daughter broke her heart. When it became clear it wasn't possible, June sat for some time trying to work out what she ought to do. Seeing she now had to live with what she'd done, she decided the one thing she wouldn't do was find a way to sooth her guilt.
"I made this mess, I'll have to live with it," she declared with an air of finality after a bit.
Settled on the matter, she wondered if there was any way to ease Tanya's troubles. Going back to the Chronivac profile and scrolling through it all, she discovered she didn't have a whole lot of options. Thinking of what she could do, "If I do anything at all," she told herself at one point, she asked herself after a bit if tampering with the girl's profile might only make things worse. Unsure how best to answer this, she whispered, "Fuck it," after some time and returned to scrolling through Tanya's profile. Speculating on a few things, June clicked, dragged and shifted, but didn't commit to anything. Wanting to know if maybe dropping the girl's age might help, she read through everything, and after a bit discovered she could make Tanya forget who she'd been by dropping her age down to three.
Hesitant to do so, yet, at the same time, wanting at least for her daughter to be happy, June saved the changes, but didn't initiate them. Pulling up instead her own profile, she stared at the information, but didn't really take any of it in. Asking herself, "Am I making this somehow worse?" she flipped the option of where she lived between it being a house and an apartment.
Time slipping by, it came as a start when she realised it was after eleven. Still not having any answer, June was tempted to close the Chronivac, wait until the next day, and sit down and talk with Tanya about what she'd done. But, changing her mind, she huffed in frustration as she recalled Tanya's profile. Reading through it, she typed in new information, including how, at the age of three, the girl was already potty trained, the transformation from age eight back to three would be slow and without any discomfort, as well as setting the awareness of the change being only the girl's mother. Wanting nothing more than for her daughter to be happy, June whispered, "I'm sorry Damion. But there's nothing I can do to bring you back," and sending the information to the remote, she ejected and pointed the device in the direction of Tanya's bedroom and pressed the button to initiate the new directives.
Hoping she wasn't making another mistake, June plugged the remote back in and after a few minutes deliberating, again deleted Tanya's profile. Turning her attention her own information, June scrolled through it and decided after a bit to make a few changes she hoped would benefit her daughter more than herself. Setting her finances at quadruple what they currently were, she indicated the same inheritance and sources of income which made Tanya wealthy had also benefited her, including how she didn't need to work, but still ran the same businesses. With everything placed in a trust for, to be distributed in select amounts at select times, none of which would really affect it, June changed where she lived to a house in the country, complete with several acres of land, something she'd always wanted. Altering a few things here and there, the last thing she inputted was, beside her and her daughter, the one other person living with them was her sister. Missing her, still frustrated nothing had been learned when the young woman had simply vanished one day, June reasoned, "If I can do at least one thing right, I want my sister back, safe and happy," and feeling she was doing to right thing, she set the awareness of the changes as only her, sent the profile to the remote, and fumbling to aim it at herself, she activated the device.
With a hum and a series of vibrations, the remote engaged the new directive. Looking about afterward, June was tempted to go and see if anything beyond her bedroom was different. But then, figuring it could wait for morning, she closed the laptop, turned off the emitter, and put them both back in the closet. Getting ready for bed, June switched off the overhead light and crawled beneath the sheets. Lying on her side, much in the same way her daughter was, she stared out at the dark room. Wondering if she was doing the right thing, how her life might be different, her thoughts began to circle after some time. Closing her eyes, letting her questions and worries chase her down into sleep, she slipped into troubling dreams of Tanya screaming at her she knew what'd been done to her before morphing back into her nephew. But then the dreams slipped away, and June dropped further down into sleep.