Your apartment isn't far from the station house, which is fortunate, and what's even better is that if you cut across the back lawn of the Museum of Natural History, you can make it there in half the time.
The Museum is a fairly dinky affair, open on weekends for the public and on Monday-Wednesday-Friday for school tours. But it's Thursday, so it should be locked up, except you notice the back door open.
Unfortunately, you don't have your cel phone on you, and your walkie-talkie is in your locker at the station. But you do have your sidearm, and you don't notice any signs of obvious violence.
That's different once you go in the back door to the curator's workroom. It's completely trashed, with scorch marks everywhere, as if someone had been tossing around lightning bolts. There are also a number of crates opened up, with various old statues inside. Except for one smashed to pieces, the rest seem in reasonably good condition. There's a chick wearing a helmet, another chick holding a bow, and then this dude with absolutely nothing except a grin and the most ginormous dick you've ever seen. It's sticking out like a baseball bat, putting donkies to shame. In wonderment, you touch it.
The moment you do, the statue crumbles to fragments, including the dick, and then you hear a voice saying, "A vessel has been chosen for the god! Behold, Priapus!"
You don't know what the fuck that means, but suddenly you've got a boner to end all boners and your rather impressive dick is getting more impressive by the moment. You unzip your fly. Good god, it has to be a foot long! And it's growing... And you realize you're the god, or at least the vessel of His power, and all He's doing is reshaping your body to suit His needs...