The bottle on the shelf reads:
Age Cream!
Ever wanted to go back? Or Forward?
Just use this product like any other personal lubricant. For every minute left on your penis you will loose a year! Just ejaculate when you are at your desired age. Ingestion or contact within 20 minutes gives your lost years away!
Warnings:
Sorry ladies this is a male use only product at this time, use may cause unwanted side effects.
User should ejaculate prior to prepubescence to avoid full regression, then progression back to your current age. Being ingested or touched while fully regressed to conception will cause coalescence!
Ingestion or contact must occur within 20 minutes. Otherwise a twin will form becoming the age you have lost! Company is not responsible for care of said new twin. Contact between self and own age puddle will not result in change, only ingesting own.
Ingestion or contact with more than one individual within the 20 minute period will split your age amongst them.
Inter-species use is not recommended and will cause unknown side effects.