In their private chamber the two in one body continued to fiddle with the
armor, Tabra giving Janice precise step by step instructions.
Between steps, Janice said to Tabra, 'You two sounded like you didn't get
along when you met before, care to share?' Speaking mentally at least had
become second nature.
'I'm more than happy to share my memories, Janice, I'm serious, you need to
stop relying on discussion things using a medium of -words- and share them
purely in the form of thoughts and ideas, there is no possibility for error when
you don't need to rely on crude words.'
'I like using words thank you very much.'
'And the further things go along, the more they'll slow you down. But as to why
myself and Julio chafe. The truth of the matter is that I can trust him only so
far.'
'Why?'
'Julio may hold his friends dear to him, I won't deny that. But you -must-
understand: his ultimate loyalty is to find every fragment of the Knowledge no
matter who has it, what disguise it's in, where he must go, or what he must do
to claim it.'
'He doesn't seem like that kind of person.'
'The sentient mind is a fantastic thing. In a way, you and I are just a
transparent version of it. We each have different faces that we show for
different situations and peoples. When the library of Alexandra was burning,
he didn't even try to stop the fires, though it wasn't in direct violation of his
oath, he just found the piece of The Knowledge hidden in the stonework and
left.'
'What did -you- do?'
'I wasn't there personally, this was part of Azrael's report, and before you say
it: no, Azrael doesn't misinterpret, make cases of mistaken identity,
exaggerate, lie for his own ends, and sorry, it wasn't a frame up. I'm, we, are
supposed to exist outside the equation, we aren't supposed to screw with
events and people's choices unless we're given the green light. Julio, except
for using his powers for something like subjugating a country or making
everyone in an office building his personal servant, is a part of the equation
and is free to act.'
'Well I'm sure he had his reasons.'
'Why are you so quick to defend him but attack me?'
'No I'm not.'
'It's because he's human while I'm not, and thus he automatically has more
hands on experience than me and thus must have a clearer view of things.'
'What?'
'You were thinking that at the back of your awareness, I could hear it as plain
as day without trying. If you stopped wasting time hiding thoughts from me
you'd hear all my background thoughts too. I won't try to compare hardships
with Julio because to be honest that is always pointless, everyone's journey is
their own. But Janice... I have known him longer than you.'
'Are you saying that if Tammy had a piece of this knowledge-"
'The Knowledge.'
'The Knowledge, that he'd turn on us if Tammy said so?'
'Or just drop all pretenses and try to grab it from Tamthis with totally reckless
abandon with all the strategy of a herd of buffalo. He wants the complete
Knowledge Janice. He wants it more dearly than any material desire you or
any of your ancestors ever had. And that kind of desire, makes him more
dangerous than you could imagine. Since he doesn't know when Judgment
Day is anymore than any being in creation save Three, he doesn't know how
long he has to collect all the piece of The Knowledge and see Jehovah as a
living man before the sand in the hour glass runs out.'
'So it's like . . . . it's exactly like us and saving Tammy? We have no idea how
long she has before there's nothing left of her, but if we do something stupid
we won't have any chance of saving her.'
'Pretty much, but Julio's been at his quest a lot longer than you'll be on this
one. And that can sometimes push a human to making gambles... gambles
that can back fire.'
'So trust but verify?'
'Precisely.' Tabra looked down at the armor they were retrofitting, it was slow
going. She honestly didn't like the idea of fusing with Janice either, she liked
being herself. But at the same time, she knew that it was like putting off a trip
to the dentist, the longer you wait the worst it'll get. Truth be told, she could be
scared too. He gathered up his courage for what he had to do next. 'Janice,
there's something I want to share with you. It'll smooth things out for when we
fuse.'
'Actually there was something else too.' Janice thought, 'something that's
been going around in my, well, I guess our head.'
'Maybe we are starting to fuse after all.'
'Huh?'
Tabra mentally chuckled. 'You think very loudly Janice, I was about to bring
up this point myself.'
'And if I tried to think quietly?'
'Don't even joke Janice.' Tabra said, not thunderously like normally, but,
melancholy, even, just plain sympathetic. 'You trying to think quietly will lead
to one result. Instead of merging, you'd become a piggy backer in our brain,
instead of having co-ownership of the house, you'd just be renting out a room.
Worst case scenario? Your Ego would be assimilated by mine rather than the
two of us becoming one awareness. You'd be deader than dead.'
'You... you've thought of doing the same thing, leaving me in this strange body
all alone!'
'You're finally opening up. You can actually hear my background thoughts.
Clamming up -does- normally make you more unable to understand others
than vice versa. Well, in this context at least.'
'Don't change the subject.'
'Heh. Good for you, I was afraid you'd go off on a rant that 'context' was just an
excuse used by people who don't know what they're saying.'
'Tabra!'
'You actually said my name... thank you. And yes, I was thinking of becoming
the piggy back to be assimilated by you, if it became the ultimate learning
experience for you, if you realized Truth because of it, then you wouldn't have
to cease to exist as Janice, and my duty as Angel isn't violated.'
'You were willing to... because you were... I thought you were taking a
coward's way out.'
'I think that's me leaking into you. The cowardice of suicide isn't exactly a
widely embraced idea among atheists, well, the ones I've met at least. Maybe
your family is just different.'
'My family, my sisters here, mom, dad, my brothers back home. Will Karther
stop?'
'Karther would have, he's not that stupid, but Tamthis, there's a chance he/she
might be dumb enough to endlessly expand, and that's where the thunder is
brought down.'
'So, what's this thing that once I realize it will smooth out our fused personality
when it happens?'
'First understand that I don't like this either. It means the person MY family, MY
brothers/sisters know won't exist anymore. Same as you.'
'Okay. I think I can. I always just figured that if Angels DID somehow
'magically' exist, they'd be emotionless robots.'
'Following the rules doesn't mean everyone is exactly alike. Now Janice, I can
feel you're close to making the realization. You have to make it yourself
though. Now, what have you been thinking?'
'About Julio.'
'What about him?'
'His seal.'
'What about it.'
'What you said.'
'What did I say about it?'
'That it was where the Jews got their blue print for the universe.'
'And?'
'You said that it was imprinted on every human in existence.'
'And what were humans made in the image of?'
Janice tried to stop herself from thinking, she didn't want to realize this!
'Let it go Janice, let it come, don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.'
'They were made in God's appearance. But if that seal is a part of every
human, and if humans are made in God's image, and the Jews use the seal's
design as the blue print of the universe... But that means that, that, that god
would, would be-' Janice's thoughts began to try and stick themselves in a
loop to stop from cross over the equal sign.
'Think it Janice, you can't escape the conclusion now, you're not stupid
enough.'
'Being smart is what mom and dad always told me would -stop- me from
thinking this!'
'Live and learn: rule of life! Now just let go!'
' . . . . that God . . . '
Silence.
From the outside view, the fox angel sat there on her knees in front of the
armor, her body shaking and her face in shock.
'That this universe, it wasn't just created by God, it's -generated- by God.'
'As Mark Twain said when he wasn't attacking people's faith: 'you are but, a
thought.' '
The fox angel slumped and fell over backwards, hitting her head against the
sand.
Janice had fainted. Tabra got up, and shook her head. Janice's sleep was
nearly dreamless. Just wisps of thoughts and ideas.
"But that doesn't make you less of a sentient being, nor make your choices
any less -real-." Tabra finished. "I'm sorry Janice, I'm just so sorry."
+++++
Somewhere in japan, in two villages not too far away from each other, a
female kitsune sat on the roof of a bar, or the local place of worship. Both
could feel the other close by. But they could also feel the force of change on
the winds as it brushed over their five tails. They knew the storm clouds were
beginning to build thousand upon thousands of miles away, but still they
could feel it.
They wondered if maybe, they should try to backtrack on their choices, and go
see what they could do for the coming storm. But looking at the people below,
they felt it in their gut. This place was their responsibility now. They couldn't
abandon it. If Tamthis and Karther's sandy wind blew all the way to their new
homes... they'd protect it... and the perverted prince of kitsune would never lay
a paw on their charges.
+++++
The recruits hadn't exactly thought about it before, but during what they
unanimously nick named their Transcendence, each of them had lost their
extra tail. They weren't kitsune now by any means, so it made sense.
Another thought that occurred to them was that they felt no sense of shame of
being just in the fur, they had formed the custom gis around themselves only
at Julio's request and nothing more. While they could still see the -reason-
behind protective garments in a hostile environment, like they would soon be
entering, they felt no -need- to 'hide' themselves. They were neither repulsed
or attracted to the idea of attire. It existed for function and nothing more.
Luna had been trying a way to describe the pain she felt when Julio had
blasted her into a wall. It wasn't intense, it wasn't dull, or she'd hardly describe
it as 'simply was.' She kept thinking back to the pain she felt when Janice/
Tabra had changed her. While the pain had been more blindly powerful than
anything she had experienced before, it hardly made everything else feel like
a pin prick.
Asking her sisters, they admitted to the same thing. Well, Erica said she
wanted to say that the pain didn't feel that bad, but it honestly had. Lisa said it
felt like a tooth being pulled everywhere. Viki said she felt like every fiber on
her body had been on fire, but more like it was burning away rather than
consuming.
Viki had snapped her fingers, and spoke, "It was mundane."
"Huh?" Erica wondered.
"The pain Luna felt when she was blasted was mundane! You know, like
Janice keeps calling our flesh and blood wings mundane, while the wings we
know are there but aren't materially she keeps calling our true wings. The
pain Luna felt was -mundane- pain! That's why it felt different from the pain we
felt when were changed. Janice said she changed our -spirits- into angels
and our bodies just followed suit as much as they could."
Luna thought about it, "So the pain we felt when we changed was closer to
home. While the pain I felt when Julio blasted me was the kind we're used to
feeling."
Viki asked, "Why were you trying so hard to figure it out anyway?"
"Just that it no longer felt like 'the pain' that I'm used to thinking of as pain, and
it was instead 'a pain' when I got smashed into that wall."
"My mom always said, " Erica brought up. "Pain's just your body telling you
you're hurt. If you mentally acknowledge that you are hurt, rather than
pretending you don't feel it, she said you should be able to function in spite of
it."
"Does that actually work?" Luna asked.
"Was never sure." Erica answered honestly.
"Whatever keeps your head above water." Viki pointed out. "And we're gonna
need it."
++++++
"It wasn't a dream." Janice mumbled out loud when she came to.
'Sorry no it wasn't.' Tabra said, she hadn't touched the armor in the two hours
Janice had been out.
'I was out for two hours?'
'You needed it.' Tabra hadn't touched anything in the room since Janice had
realized the truth of things.
Janice cried, she felt empty, broken, betrayed. She always told herself that
she was still a male inside, and that men didn't cry, but here she was, crying
all the same.
Tabra hugged herself, and thus hugged Janice, pulling their mundane wings
around them like like a protective cocoon.
'Even as all of this was happening.' Janice confessed. 'I kept telling myself,
even if Angel's exist, God doesn't. Then if God does exist, he's not important.
He's just there, it doesn't matter if he exists or not. Now you make me find out -
this!-'
'You were about to realize it on your own Janice, better to realize it now than
when we're fighting Tamthis or when we fused. Get it all out, just let go, no
one is in here but us, it's okay, it's all okay, don't worry.'
'I never thought of it like a faith, it couldn't -be- a faith in my mind. I never
realized the satisfaction I felt, the comfort, that me and my family were united
that way.'
'Faiths are never thought of as faiths by the people who practice them. Never.
Not even once. Not in the course of entirety of human history! To them, they
are truth/fact/reality, nothing more, nothing less. To the people of a faith, it's an
acceptance of truth, not a belief.'
'Even with all of this happening, I didn't want to see the parallel.'
'But you did all the same.'
'And I didn't want to.'
'So you tried your hardest not to think about it.'
'But there was no way for that to work.'
'Because you're just too bright.'
'It was said: once you're part of a religion, you're saying 'I decided to be stupid'
but it doesn't actually work like that after all huh?'
'Not really.'
'You were about to say that 'surprising how many things are said, and how
many of them are or are not true' weren't you? You use the word 'surprising' a
lot.'
'Life is full of surprises, that's how it works.'
Janice realized she had stopped crying, she actually felt at peace, almost...
free.
'Tabra.'
'Second time you used my name, you have no idea how happy that makes
me.'
'Actually I think I do. Thank you.'
The angel fox stayed inside her angel wings for over an hour, merely sitting
there hugging herself, her eyes closed with an oddly serene look on her face.