After a good long while, Jasmine stood up. "I'm...I've..." She fumbled for words, trying to express her gratitude without letting anything slip that she might regret. "Thank you," she finally said. "I really needed that."
"Anytime," Ryan smiled. "I hope everything works out for you."
Jasmine smiled back. "I'm hoping so. I need to go discuss some things with my mom, though. I guess I'll see you Monday."
"See you then, then," Ryan said. Jasmine walked off. Ryan sat by the pool. My God, he thought. I can't believe this. I'm attracted to a girl who used to be a guy. Even if she got that way magically, it's just...man. He sighed. I mean, I can't look down on her for it; it wasn't her fault. But...what would other people think? What about Mom and Dad? What would I tell them, "hey, Mom and Dad, I'm going to be dating this girl who used to be a guy friend of mine?" I mean, they're pretty open-minded, but I think even they'd draw the line at my dating someone who's technically transsexual. Very technically, he mused. You'd never even guess by looking at her...god, she's pretty. But anybody who knew would think...wait, why am I caring what other people would think? I guess...Mom and Dad I'd worry about; they're my parents, after all, and we have a lot better relationship than a lot of guys my age do with their parents. I'd hate to lose that. But...everyone else? Why do I care what they think? That, he decided, doesn't matter. But...the big question is whether Jasmine would go for it. I know she likes me as a friend, but she just turned into a girl yesterday. She said she wasn't a lesbian, but that doesn't mean she's ready to date guys yet...or maybe ever.
That was a sobering thought; his good friend, the object of his affections, might be unattainable; if she didn't like girls, but didn't like guys either, that meant...Ryan had never understood how people could consider themselves asexual, but he supposed that in Jasmine's case, at least, it could make some kind of sense. I guess if that's the case, he thought, I'd have to give up on her. If she felt that way, there's no way she'd ever want to be more than friends - and if I pushed the issue that'd hurt our friendship. Even if she was open to the idea, he thought, what if she did find a way to change back? Would our relationship outweigh her desire to be a guy again?
It would be worth it, Ryan decided. If we had any kind of real love in the relationship, she wouldn't want to change back. And don't they say that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I just need to find out whether she likes guys or not. Maybe...at school Monday I could brng it up. Tactfully. And if she does...I'll have to wait for a good time, and then I'll ask her out. He got up and began to walk home. Maybe it would work out and maybe it wouldn't, but he'd at least try.
Jasmine, meantime, had returned to the food court and pulled her mom aside. "Listen, Mom," she said. "I know you're excited about having a daughter. And I guess I can understand that, since you've been the only woman in the house for your entire marriage. I know you think this is pretty cool, but right now I really can't handle someone being so gleeful about this. I was really traumatized yesterday, and this morning, too, and it only made it worse to have you trying to play dress-up." Her mother's face fell. She sighed. "No. No, I didn't mean that the way it sounded; I'm sorry. But this really is a problem."
"Jasmine, dear," her mother said, "I only want to help you. I just don't want you to miss out on an opportunity like this. If you just reject this out of hand, you might not find out if you actually like being a girl. I'm sorry if you felt I was just trying to dress you up; you're right, I went a little crazy after having a son but no daughter for sixteen years. I won't make you act girly if you don't want to. But I do want you to experiment, to see what you are and aren't comfortable with. I'm not expecting you to like being a girl, and I'll do my part in finding you a way to change back, if that's what you really want, but I don't want you to miss out on potential happiness. I can tell you from experience that being a woman is a wonderful, rewarding thing, and given time you might see it that way, too. On the other hand, it might not, but I at least want you to try and find out, okay?"
Jasmine nodded. "At present, it doesn't look like I'll have a way to change back for a long time, if ever. And I'm very sure I want to be a guy again." This was only sort of true; she was pretty sure of it, but there'd been a nagging doubt at the back of her mind ever since her conversation with Ryan. "But I had a talk with a friend from school, and that made me realize that it's not going to do any good to mope about it. And...since you agreed to not make me act or dress girly, I guess what I can do in the way of compromise is to agree to give it a fair shot. I'm not promising anything, but I'll try to take it as it is and not let my desire to be a guy again color my perception of what being a girl is like. And if and when we do find a way to change back, I'll weigh the options as fairly as I can and then make my decision. All right?"
"All right." Her mother smiled. They embraced. I don't think I want to be a girl, Jasmine thought, still remembering how it felt when she was crying on Ryan's shoulder, but...either way, I'm glad to have my family and friends here to help me through this.