The smoke quickly solidifies into the figure of a man, dark-skinned and muscular, bald but with a beard on his chin, wearing baggy pants and a vest. And he does not look happy.
"Who dares disturb my slumber?!" he thunders in your direction.
You manage to squeak out, "Uh, I did --"
He interrupts, "How did you take possession of my vessel?"
"I, uh, bought it at a store," you explain. "Uh, a magic shop. It was in the 'wishing' section."
The genie throws his head back and lets out a peal of booming laughter. "So the false legends that I passed down have worked! In the thousands of years since I last roamed the earth, it seems that mortals have forgotten the true power of the djinn! We are bound to our vessels only by choice, we have no masters, and we do not grant wishes to foolish humans!"
You must look a little crestfallen at that, because the genie puts on a big smile. He raises one hand and says, "Now, begone while I fully explore how this world has changed!"
With that, it looks as if his raised palm becomes charged with electricity, and a bolt of blue lightning suddenly emerges and, before you can make any move, hits you square in the chest. You brace for a shock, but you don't feel anything except the sudden sensation that you're not all there. You look down and see your body rapidly dissolving into smoke. The last thing you're aware of is that you're somehow moving toward the opened genie bottle...
Total and complete darkness. You see nothing, you hear nothing, you smell nothing, you feel nothing. You are utterly alone.
...and then, you find yourself reassembling. The pieces come together, and you're standing before the genie, who is sitting in the reclining chair in your living room. The light coming through the window has changed -- it's dusk, which means it's been several hours since the genie put you in the bottle, but you could have sworn it was only a couple of hours.
The genie again has a smile on his face. He holds up a porno magazine featuring "exotic" women -- looks like he went through the drawer next to your bed. What he says is...