John had left early from class and was almost to the lunch room, when he suddenly realized that he had wanted to ask Mr. Bard something about the recent Math quiz and if his score would effect his football games.
John was your average high school Jock. He played for the foot ball team, owned a letterman jacket and already at seventeen, he had several colleges interested in him playing for them and offered him a nice size scholarship.
Returning to Mr. Bard's classroom, he thought to himself, "Man, the old bastard must have gone for lunch already,"
He was just about to leave, when he noticed the note folded up on the floor. Not very bright already, he at fist thought to leave it and than figured he could read it and possibly get some good info to use against someone.
Chuckling, he took the note and made his way to the gym to meet Coach Gleason. Finding no one there, John decided to wait and taking a seat on the bench, opened the note.
At first the note was blank and then letters began to form. Slightly weirded out he read: Sports fanatics all like a good game. You're the type to enjoy some competition. Complete the questionnaire and you'll be a winner.
Grinning like an idiot, John fished a Bic pen from his backpack and laying the note on his trapper keeper, read this:
Question 1: If you were a girl....what would your name be?
John chewed on the top of his pen, thinking. "What are some good female names?" he asked out loud.
The only name he could think of was Megan. He was about to write that down when he stopped and said out loud, "Girl's got to have a last name.
Glancing down to his backpack and noticed a half eaten back of chips. Grinning, thinking he was being witty, he wrote down, 'Megan Chypsky'.
Question 2: If your were a girl....how old would you be, how tall would you be without shoes and what would you weigh without clothes?(Don't lie)
Slightly bemused by this, John wondered how a piece of paper would know he's lying. Deciding to be humourous, he wrote down, 'My age is five years, my height is three feet five inches and a quarter and my weight is thirty nine pounds'.
Suddenly John noticed that the bench was so much bigger. His feet didn't touch the ground and his clothes were baggy. Thinking this a prank, he continued, choosing to ignore the obvious.
Question 3: If you were a girl....what colour would your hair and eyes be?
Tapping his pen against the note, he found it hard to concentrate. Finally, disgusted, John wrote down, in a childish scrawl, 'Hair would be black and eyes would be purplish blue'.
Question 4: If you were a girl....what kind of clothes (Pants, underwear, shirt, shoes) would you be wearing?
Not sure how to answer this, John tried to picture mentally the clothes he saw girls wearing. Unfortunately, all he could picture was his cousins Katie. Putting pen to paper, John wrote 'I wear a pair of purple overalls that are all one piece. The eight pink heart shaped buttons are all sewn in place. I wear a pair of tight Hello Kitty panties and a tight T-Shirt, also with Hello Kitty on the front. I have a name tag that says my name on the front of my overalls. I am wearing a pair of white high tops that blink when I walk. I carry a pink pack pack that has Hello Kitty on it. I am also wearing a white spring jacket.'.
Suddenly his clothes no longer felt to big and he figured he had imagined the whole thing.
Question 5: If you were a girl....would you like ballet?
John answered Yes, thinking this to be a very girly sport that all females must be into.
Question 6: If you were a girl....would you have been potty trained and would you pee sitting down?
Trying to remember how his girlfriend did her business, John finally answered Yes. So intent on the questionnaire, John failed to notice as his penis and testicles shrank and transformed into the female genitalia.
Question 7: If you were a girl....would you like pink?
A simple Yes. "All girls like pink," John reasoned out loud, failing to hear the feminine voice issuing forth.
Question 8: If you were a girl....would you play dress-up?
Racking his brain, trying to remember if that was normal behavior, John went with what the little voice was saying and answered Yes.
Question 9: If you were a girl....would you play with dolls.
John knew this one and answered yes.
Question 10: If you were a girl....has your mommy let you pierce your ears.
Suddenly John felt weird and giggling, wrote down in the childish scrawl, 'Mommy had it done on my fifth birthday'. Suddenly a pinching sensation from her ears momentarily distracted John and than she forced her attention back.
Question 11: If you were a girl....what fictional characters do you like.
Megan, for that was now how she thought of herself, wrote down, 'I like Hello Kitty, Rainbow Bright, My Little Pony, Blooregard, Care Bears and Strawberry Shortcake', misspelling quite a lot of the words.
Question 12: If you were a girl....how did your mommy do your hair?
'Mommy braided my hair' Megan wrote.
Just as she was about to go on, a voice called out to her, "Aren't you cute. But are you suppose to be in here, little girl?"
Turning, Megan looked and saw that the cheer leaders had entered. Something of John that was left, screamed inside her head, "I'm not a girl! I'm captain of the football team!"
But before she could say anything, Coach Gleason walked in.....