Earlier that day:
"Miss Sharonda?"
"Yes, Anna?"
"Do you like being a girl?"
"Yes, I like it very much." Sharonda smiled. Sometimes it was hard to remember how many of these kids she was supervising were really adults.
"You don't miss being a boy?"
"I was born with a boy body" Sharonda answered "But I was never a boy. So I can't miss something I never was."
"I'm trying to decide whether to stay a girl or go back to being a man."
"Well, I don't know if I can help you--it wasn't something that I ever thought about deciding. What do you like about being a girl?"
Anna's tone changed, in one of those slips that the age-regressed were prone to, in which twenty years could be added or subtracted to a personality in a few seconds. Now Anna didn't sound like a little girl anymore.
"I was thinking about when there's peace, about going back to my old life, being a soldier again. I realized that I didn't want to go back to being a killer. The thought of holding a gun now. It makes me sick."
"But. . ."
"I could have been the one who fired the shot that killed you. Or killed Miss Lisa. I just feel sick when I think about it. I was a machine, following orders I didn't even think were right."
"But why does that make you want to be a girl?"
"I want to create a life. I want to carry it in me. I don't want to hurt people any more." Anna took a deep breath. "I like myself as a girl. I don't think Anthony ever really liked himself."
"You said you hadn't decided. What makes you think you want to go back to being a guy?"
"My family is very conservative. Anything having to do with gay, transsexual, bonding--they just hate it. I don't think they could ever accept me a girl."
Sharonda reached out to hold Anna's hand. "Oh, child, I know how that is." The two sat quietly for a minute. "So you think you would be happier as a girl, but other people would be happier if you went back to being a boy?"
"Yeah, that's it."
Sharonda sighed. "I know that there's a grownup in there, but I also see a little girl. I can't tell you the whole story, cause it's not anything a little girl should hear, but here's a little bit of it. I ran away from home when I was fifteen because my parents wouldn't let me live as a girl, even though they loved me. Life was very hard, living on the street, especially before I met Mama Williams. I got hurt a lot. But even when I was hurting the most, I never, ever regretted leaving home and living like the girl I am. Child, you've got to live your life for you."
Anna gave a tentative smile. "Yeah, I guess I was waiting for you to tell me that." She wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm Anna now. I'm Anna forever."