You follow the little man as he mutters, "Blathering idiot! I didn't even put the come hither on him and he's following me. A sane man would be running the opposite direction,"he shakes his head and adds, "Tch, I like him."
The little man stops and points proudly at the ringed enclosure to the left, "Now you'll see in this enclosure, you can see on display my latest additions to the ostrich exhibit."
You step forward and your jaw drops. There is Dirk Kennedy, one of the minor league baseball players that came to your party. He's naked and weirdly contorted. His neck looks like it's made of silly putty as it's stretched long and thin. His feet are splaying and turning into bird's feet, brown plumage is growing out of his butt cheeks. His arms flay uselessly as they transform into vestigial wings. He looks pleadingly at you and the leprechaun. Then his knees buckle the wrong way and he squats. His expression changes from pleading to horror. He stands revealing that he just laid an egg - an ostrich egg. He looks at you and blushes deeply, then he buries his head in the sand.
"A female ostrich? But he's a guy!" you protest.
"Huh? Oh, the zoo already had a male ostrich - only one. Needed females. Now I got 'em one," the leprechaun said proudly.
You chuckle, "Well, it couldn't have happened to a nicer womanizer than Dirky boy. He's probably fathered more kids than every guy on his team combined. It's time he was on the receiving end."
"Ah, you see that too? Tch, you know filling a zoo requires a lot of work, and I could use some help..." the leprechaun put his tongue between his teeth as he pauses in thought.
"Turning pompous asses into real asses, ostriches, monkeys, and pigs. I'd love to help you do that," you say.
"Indeed!" the leprechaun says gleefully. His eyes glow green - literally, glow green like cheesy special effects.
You feel funny. Your abdomen feel empty like you just had vomited and emptied your bowels without the upchuck passing through your throat and mouth, and without the excrement passing out between your butt cheeks. An odd sensation to be sure. You look at the leprechaun and watch in amazement as he starts to grow.
"You're growing bigger!" you exclaim.
"No, I'm not growing. You're shrinking."
"I'm shrinking?" you ask looking around as the walls, trees, trashcans, and everything seem to be growing. You nod, "I'm shrinking."
You're a little man standing in an oversized shirt with a pile of clothes at your feet. You feel strangely free, alive and mischievous.
"Hey, wanna streak the party?" you ask.
"Ah, you're still thinking like a man, but you're a leprechaun now."
"I am? But I don't have an accent?" you ask.
"Sure and begora, if I'd been born and raised in the States, I wouldn't either. It's not the accent that makes the leprechaun," he smiles slyly, "It's the magic and spirit, and you've got both now."
"Oh." The liquor seems to be clearing from your head. Leprechauns are notorious drinkers, now you understand why, they metabolize it faster than humans.
"Now which of those revelers is the most vain, do ye think?" the leprechaun asks.
"Well, most people would say Tina or Vanna, but really Nick is the vainest."
"Well, then what say you we knick you some proper fitting clothing. I notice the zoo employees wear jump suits. I think a nice green jumpsuit would look good on you."
"It would sure look better this dress," you say shaking your body in the oversized tent that had once been a form fitting shirt. Then you get it, "Oh, Nick a jumpsuit! That would be rich! You mean I can change Nick into my clothing?"
"Now you're getting into the spirit of being a leprechaun!"