I fell asleep watching a Hello Kitty DvD, happy and comfortable. I was only woken up once and that was when Samantha put me to bed and even than I wasn't fully awake. That night had a strange dream.
I was at the park and mommy was pushing me on the swing and I was laughing and giggling, but real odd part was the noises that were coming from me were that of a little girl. Presently I became aware of another presence and realized that my daddy had returned and he was pushing Katherine on the swing next to me.
After that the dream shifted and mommy told me as she set me on the merry-go-round, "There is no use fighting it anymore. One day you're going to wake up and find that you are a three year old girl. There is no use trying to fight it."
With that said, she sets me on the merry-go-round and began to spin me counter clockwise. With each pass, I could feel my body altering and shifting about. When the mommy finally stopped spinning and the merry-go-round came to a halt, I stumbled off it, finding it for some reason difficult to stand.
A person high above me took my hand and told me, "Come along Ashley. Your sister wants ice cream."
The dream shifted again we were sitting outside an ice cream parlor. I'm eating ice cream and the same goes for Katherine, but in the long run we're getting more on us then in us. I ask mommy in a little girl's voice, "Mommy, where's daddy?"
Mommy sets down her spoon and looks at me with a hurt expression. Finally she says to me, "Sometimes people go away on trips, sweetie. Theses trips have many names: vacation, hunting or death. The trip daddy went on is called Death. I know it may be hard for you and Katherine to understand, but one day you will."
The dream shifts again and I'm in the woman's washroom, being cleaned up. Reflected back from the mirror is mommy holding a three year old child with reddish brown hair, real pale skin and bluish green eyes.
Katherine exits from a stall and mommy sets me down and tells me, "Go potty."
Inside the stall, I pull down my pink corduroy pants, then my Angelina Ballerina panties and the climb up onto the potty. Sitting, legs swinging back and forth, I start to sing a song from one of my sister's princess DvDs. After a bit, mommy and Katherine join in. Just as my bladder releases....
I wake up. I'm hugging a doll, not sure which one, but in the early morning light it looks like Angelina Ballerina. Suddenly I remember my dream and I can understand at least part of it; my daddy, who’s dead.
Suddenly I am aware that I'm laying in something cold and wet. Hugging the doll closer, shame washes over me as I realize that I've wet the bed. Shivering, I ask myself, "What else has changed?" in a little girl's voice, not realizing the way it sounds.