"Dad? What's wrong?" your brother asks, appearing in the door nearly instantly. "WHOA! What the hell?!"
You briefly consider scolding your son for swearing, then realize he's not your son, he's your brother... No, that isn't right either, he's-- Those damned condoms! You aren't actually related to any of them! Or aren't any of them. Or..., this kind of thing isn't supposed to HAPPEN!
"Dad?" asks Mark, looking first at one, then at the other of his "dads".
"Stay back," advises "Original Dad." "I don't know who this is, or how he came to look so much like me."
"Look, this is a mistake," you begin, trying to figure out what to say. "I was supposed to go back to me, not become my, I mean SCOTT's father."
"Who?" asks Original Dad.
You look around. Now the room is a guest room, no sign of anyone actually living here. It is as if you-- damn it! SCOTT never existed ...and the condoms are still laid out neatly on the bed.
"It's these condoms!" you insist, gesturing at the bed. Then, more or less in one rambling sentence, you tell the whole story up to this point. At some point you and the other two men moved the conversation into the bedroom. By the time you are finished, Original Dad is staring at you, looking as if he is trying to decide whether or not you are dangerously insane.
Mark as a very different look on his face.
"Look, I don't know what you are trying to pull..." Original Dad begins.
"So, uh, Dad- or whoever you are, so, you mean if I put on a really big condom I'll, like, get really hung?!" asks Mark eagerly. Before you can say or do anything, he's nabbed a condom from the "large" end of your sorting and is out of the room. Both you and the other dad race after him.
Mark is in his bedroom with the door locked before you get out into the hall.
"Mark open this door right NOW!" both of you shout in unison. Both of you turn and look at each other.
"OH! MY! GOD!" Mark's voice exclaims through the door.
"Take it off NOW, son!" you find yourself shouting. Out of the corner of your eye the other you looks ready to hit you. "Those are very dangerous!"
"You don't know what he might have smeared on them, son," the other you says. Something in his eye makes you decide maybe you should be quiet for a bit. "He might have put acid, or ecstasy, or something on them."
Mark moans, and it doesn't sound like from pain, and a few moments later the door is opened...
...by a large, black man.
"Who are YOU?!" asks the other dad, other you, Original Dad, whatever.
"Uh, I think I am the Jamaican physical education instructor from your son's high school," the former Mark says slowly. His accent certainly sounds Jamaican. "I think I have some bad news about Mark..."
He starts to explain how Mark was in a bad accident in the school parking lot while leaving the school, and you slink back to the guest bedroom. Mostly you just want to get out of here, become someone else. Losing your son, er, brother, whatever he was to you is more than you want to deal with now.
You close the door and reach for a condom...