(apologies for the length of this chapter, i wanted to explain everything in detail)
“You gave up your human rights and were officially reclassified as ‘office equipment’ and you’re wages go through as ‘services and maintenance of sexual apparatus’. We won the case, remember? Because you demonstrated to the court how such a system could operate. Obviously the case was pointless in law terms; they permitted our argument and then passed the new law only days later to close the loop hole we used. But it got us media coverage all over the world and our profits went from a million a year to nearly 100 million. It’s a shame that new bill meant you got stuck like this, it must be difficult not being able to own possessions, a driving licence, a house or use banks or public facilities.”
Jen didn’t know what to say, she was stunned, terrified, angry…
“Clarissa none of that ever happened! I’m normal, I’m just like you!” Jen argued.
“No Jen, not in the eyes of the law. The new bill stated that ‘the status and rights of people and objects are inherent in their nature and cannot be changed in the eyes of the law.’ which unfortunately meant that all people are people and objects are objects and nothing can change from one to the other anymore, remember? This left us in a bit of a situation with you of course because during the trial you thought it would be funny to accept the position of office equipment, obviously at first this was a legal joke but when the court asked about your function we got stuck and had to write down every task you were possibly able to perform.”
Jen’s head was spinning. “But none of this is true! I was just working in my office 5 minutes ago!” Clarissa ignored her and continued.
“This list contained loads of things, literally every task that you as a piece of equipment could perform. We had to include sex, because it was a logical addition, but the court pressed us on our use of sex as a task and as your primary function. We couldn’t back down by this point, we’d invested all of our company assets, Matthew was sure of a victory if we could overcome this final challenge. You decided to kill two birds with one stone and we applied for you to be designated ‘sexual apparatus’.”
Jen’s mouth fell open in horror as the Clarissa continued to explain this absurd situation.
“It took about a week adjournment before the court asked for an appropriate application of the roles and features of ‘sexual apparatus’ and a detailed description of what this product would do. We had to abide by advertising standards laws about the representation of a product by name, which meant you, had to literally be sexual apparatus. We had to make sure you we always ok with everything we said, and you agreed to all our ideas. The boys down in legal drew up our final dossier and we decided that sexual apparatus would be available at all times for sexual activities to all users permitted by the owner or controlling body.”
Jen wiped a tear from her cheek.
“And… well the court agreed our dossier, but we didn’t bank on them applying their own modifications. They banned the use of clothing as objects have no need for modesty, they also stated that by invoking this law all of your possessions would come under ownership of the state as possessions do not own anything, they claimed that you would no longer be part of society and would therefore not be entitled to anything, that included legal documentation, the use of public facilities like buses or trains, If taken on a flight you would have to be luggage. We were told that you would become the property of the company and if found on your own you would be taken to lost and found.”
Jen started to hug herself, desperately wishing what she was hearing wasn’t true but the evidence seemed to be hanging on the hooks all around her. How had any version of her in any reality ever gone along with this absurd fiasco? But she had to consider how she would have felt had that much been on the line.
“We knew this was the court’s last chance, they’d run out of ideas and decided that the best way to get us to back down was to apply such unreasonable measures that we’d have no choice. I don’t think even they knew how much we’d invested in this case, and when we accepted their terms most of the court left in disbelief. The remainder stripped you of your status as a person and you became property of Bradshaw-White-Smith as sexual apparatus, you had to take on your role immediately and agreed to remove your clothes. We had already prepared the documents to argue the reverse of our case; we could get your status back, so we just celebrated our victory.
The court had to take a weekend recess and we had a media field day, it was the best thing the company had ever done. You just had to stay at the office, naked, for the weekend so we could get you back to human by Monday morning. But when Monday arrived the court refused to hear our case, they claimed, probably rightly that we’d wasted court time with our PR exercise and would have to wait until that Thursday. You weren’t happy when you heard the news because by now you’d been naked in the office since we’d won and you wanted to go home.
It all went wrong that Wednesday, with one day to go the news reported a case similar to ours that was being fought against the same court. Theirs was an animal rights case, they were arguing that our case demonstrated that rights were interchangeable and animals were therefore applicable for inclusion in the human rights act. The court threw out the case in fifteen minutes for being a ridiculous application and not applicable under future law. This stunned our guys, even Matthew, who hadn’t seen any plans for a future amendment being made. I was with you when you found out about the change in the act that meant you were stuck as sexual apparatus. You agreed to come with us to the court on that Thursday to try and get your humanity back but it only got worse when we got to the court house. You had to go through the luggage part of the security scanners, and when we got into court you weren’t allowed to sit on a chair because personal belongings were to be placed on the floor at all times. We argued that our case was an experiment in law; the court stated that we had agreed to our own terms and you would not be allowed to change back.
They allowed some concessions; you could wear clothing applicable to your function and would be allowed access to medicine as part of a maintenance scheme according to equipment regulations. The problem was that staff would have to be trained in your use and you would have to perform your designated function or you would be deemed broken and removed from office use. We didn’t know what that bit meant and the court hinted that you would be put into storage, we guessed this meant prison. We had to agree to their terms, you were no longer allowed a say and couldn’t defend yourself. It was awful. We cried together in the car on the way back to the office. Matthew apologised, he still feels guilty I think, the rest of us have sort of accepted it, and we all knew what we were getting ourselves into.
We agreed that I would set up a small company called ‘sexual apparatus maintenance services’ and we would send what would have been your wages into that company, seeing as we weren’t allowed to pay you anymore we just had a policy of anything we bought for you would be taken from that amount. Everything you owned was taken by the government and we brought you these outfits, according to the regulations everyone was…trained on how to use you… and we started to use you, reluctantly at first because of the rules, but eventually it just started to get… normal. You started to get used to and it’s been like that for about 2 years now. I thought you were ok, I mean we can get the maintenance team in to check you out… you look really pale Jen”