John opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. His forehead throbbed with pain. He tried closing his eyes again but that made things worse, forcing him to focus on the sensation. He opened them, but somehow that also made things worse, the light crashing into the back of his eyeballs.
He swallowed. His mouth was dry.
He heard the crinkle of a page being turned somewhere to his left. Painfully, he turned his head to look. There, in a chair next to the bed where he was lying, sat a minotaur. It appeared to be reading a John Grisham novel, which looked comically small in its hands. It -- no, wait, he. Definitely he, first because a minotaur had to be male on account of being half bull and having horns and things, and second because it -- he -- was naked as a jay-bird and making no attempt to hide his rather large sheath and testicles. They drew the eye.
Eventually John's eye had its fill of them and he began to study the rest of the scene. The bull-man was big -- very big -- and reddish-brown, with a few patches of white on his hide. A tail hung from the side of the chair. His hands were -- well, not hands, really; they had only two thick fingers and a thumb, each tipped with what looked like hoof. His head looked pretty much like that of a regular bull -- a long, wide snout; big, watery eyes; large ears that flicked by themselves from time to time; two big horns jutting from the sides.
He looks familiar, thought John.
The closet and desk behind him looked familiar too, though it took John a moment to place them. He was in Brian's room, though he hadn't seen it from this angle -- at least, not by daylight. He must be in Brian's bed.
Oh, thought John. Yeah, that's right. This is where we... right.
The minotaur turned another page.
John licked his lips and asked if he could have a glass of water -- or, at least, he tried. He got as far as a croak and "ugga". The minotaur immediately put down its book and bent over the bed.
"John? Are you awake?" The creature slipped a hoof under the bedcover and took his hand. Its voice was alien but something about the intonation was familiar. "Do you want something -- water?"
He swallowed again. "Brian?" he whispered.
The minotaur gave a big, somewhat intimidating grin. "I'm here, babe," he said, and kissed John on the forehead.
+++
Two glasses of water and a lot of painkiller later, John was feeling a lot more human -- or, he supposed, orcish. It still hadn't worn off.
Brian was lying next to him on the bed, holding his hand. John still couldn't get over how big his room-mate had become. He'd got used to being taller and way stronger than Brian as an orc; now the tables were turned, at least as far as height was concerned. Strength was maybe more of an open question -- but he wasn't going to win any wrestling matches for a little while.
He listened to Brian explain, very earnestly, what he'd done, and apologise profusely. John just let it wash over him. He felt peaceful, passive, unable to get worked up about anything right now.
"You really gave me a fright, babe. You were falling unconscious, bleeding all over the place. I couldn't wake you up. I wanted to call 911 but, I mean, what would they do when they got here and found an orc and a -- well, and me?"
John leaned his head on Brian's, the less battered side of his forehead resting against a horn. "I guess your head is harder than mine after all."
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea, really, I just--"
"Ssh. Ssh, it's OK."
He gave Brian's strangely-shaped hand a squeeze, and got one in return.
"It is green, by the way," said Brian. "Your blood. Which, I have to say, is one of the wrongest things I've ever seen."
"That's going to be your pick, after the last couple of days? My blood?"
"Well, some of the other stuff freaked me out more at the time, but I'm coming around to it. Being like this has its upsides. Besides, it shouldn't be too hard to turn back, right? Sex, you said, and that seems to be pretty much inevitable around you these days."
"Uh, yeah, sex, if it works," replied John. "I'm sorry though, but -- and I can't believe I'm saying this -- I have a headache and don't feel up to it."
Brian kissed him. "And on our second date, too. Don't worry, I'll wait."
"Mmm, some date. But if you need to, uh, go ahead without me -- don't you need to be at work today?"
The bed shook as Brian laughed. "Nah, I called in. If today isn't a sick day, I don't know what is. I think I did a pretty convincing job of not sounding myself on the phone."
"I s'pose should call in too, tell them -- aw, hell, I don't know. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Just want to lie here with you for now."
Brian pressed a leg against his. Not the shape I'm used to, he thought, and an odd mix of textures with the bristly hair and the hoof, but not unpleasant. Comforting.
"For someone who doesn't feel up to it," said Brian, sliding a three-fingered hand over John's thigh, "you are making a very large bump in the sheet."
"The spirit is weak but the flesh is willing," he replied. "Plus, so do you and I'm not even copping a feel yet."
"Well, sure, but I don't have a problem with feeling up to it."
Gingerly, John stretched his arm out to rest his hand on Brian's chest, taking care to keep his head still. It wasn't quite as painful as before, but jolting it was not pleasant.
"Sorry, hun. As soon as my head stops pounding, I promise, your butt will be the first to know."
"Well, I can't ask for more than that."
They lay there in silence for a while.
"You know," said Brian, "we both look like rejects from World of Warcraft."
"Like hell. I make a great orc. They'd be happy to have me."
"Oh, and I don't?"
"You make a lousy orc, hun. Passable tauren, though. Maybe even the best one I've met all day."
"Very funny. It is weird, though. You think we could get some kind of sponsorship? Go on TV commercials?"
"Huh. That sounds almost like it might work. And the money would -- well, I didn't want to say before, but I think I'm going to lose my job. Things are tough at work already, and if I'm bailing on them every time I get horny and turn into this..." He trailed off for a moment. "I dunno if we'd suit them, though. I think they're kind of a family friendly company."
"So? I'm family friendly. Very friendly."
"You have a boner the size of a softball bat."
Brian made a huffing snort. "You exaggerate. It's more like a little league bat."
"Either way, I can't see it appearing on prime-time advertising."
"No problem. I'll just be professional -- no boners on the set. A chain-mail kilt or something and nobody will know it's even there."
"You do realize I'll be on the set next to you, oiled up and wearing leather armour?"
"Fine, fine, we'll use green-screen -- I mean, blue-screen technology. You're determined to make this hard, aren't you?"
"I think it's hard enough already." John paused. "Brian, how long have you been gay?"
"What? Where did that come from?"
"I know, I know, but humour me."
"Well, I guess I didn't realize until yesterday. Yesterday evening. But it sort of makes sense -- I had a few girlfriends, but they never really worked out."
"Do you remember having crushes on other guys at all?"
Brian frowned. "No, I don't think so. Wait -- I thought Tom Cruise was kinda hot."
"Sure, but even I -- OK, never mind. Last one. When you masturbated, was it to girls or guys?"
"What? What makes you -- oh, right, we had that conversation. The lotion."
"The lotion, yeah. Sorry, but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."
"It was girls, all right? Shit. Why does that feel like a betrayal?"
"I'm so sorry, hun. Invalid's kiss coming your way, all right?" said John, then slowly brought his hand to his lips, kissed the underside of his fingers, and reached over towards Brian's snout. Brian gave them a wet kiss.
"See, the thing is, I was about the least gay guy you could find," John continued. "I didn't have a lot of girlfriends either, but I had a lot of women. Then Friday evening -- something. I think I had sex with a guy at a bowling alley, but I don't really remember."
"Yeah, you mentioned that before. It sounded kind of... weird."
"Anyway, the next day I wake up gay and I'm turning into something out of a bad movie. That sound at all familiar to you?"
"Well, sure, although I thought The Lord of the Rings was pretty decent."
"Ew, not that kind of orc, I'm more of a -- forget it, not the point."
"What is the point?"
"Shit, I don't know." He felt suddenly tired. "I'm lost. Doesn't it bother you, suddenly being gay?"
He felt Brian shrug. "Actually, no. Should it? I got you now, which is a hell of a lot better than what I had before."
"Yeah. You know what? You're right. Good way of thinking. What you've got is more important than where it came from." He yawned. "Hold me?"
Brian did.