"I wish for buddy and me to get new dicks," said Cletus opening his
trousers to reveal a white bloody bandage on a stump above his balls.
"Land sakes, boyo, you been bobbitted! No wonder, you caught me, my
sixth sense warns me when dicks are approaching, but you're a dickless
wonder."
"Hey, can you grant my wish or not?"
"I'm a leprechaun! Sure n begora I kin grant yer wish! Now you mind
telling me how you came to lose your valuable article?"
"Oh, Sam Wu's - he takes bets. You pay up or he cuts something off for
paying spectators. Then he sells it to the highest bidder. Ever been
to MacInerny's Bar? See the big dildo on the Men's Room Door and the
double d breasts on the ladies room? Well, taxidermy and lacquered.
Bernie and Betsy Burnheim," you said Cletus.
"Indeed, well considering your lack of luck, excluding your good
fortune regarding finding me, I'll grant your wish so it's an ongoing
one. If after you get new dicks, you or your friend lose them again,
you just do what I tell you now and you'll get replacements. And in
your own way help make the world a little bit better."
"What d'we do?"
"Go find the biggest dick you can find - and nature will take it's
course."
"You mean find a guy with a big dick?"
"No,no, no. I guy who is a dick. You see he'll start to shrink down to
the right size, and then you can attach him - his feet will take root
in your stump. If he's a big enough dick, he'll become a complete
dick. If he's not, well you might end up with a little man hanging
between your legs when you piss it'll come out of his mouth."
Cletus smiled, "A couple of big dicks, huh? I know just where to look.
You want to tag along with us or you got other leprechauny things to
do?"
"Oh, I'm tagging along!"
"Thought as much."
"Hey, Cletus, wait up.It hurts to walk fast!" shouted Kyle moving
slowly and awkwardly up the path behind Cletus.
"Come on, we're getting our cocks back or replacement ones that are
even better."
"Really? Where? How?"
"Really. Fraternity row, and thanks to this here leprechaun."
"Fraternity row?" asked the leprechaun.
"Yeah, frat jocks are the biggest dicks in town, after the sheriff and
his crew- and they're ex-frat jocks."