Roy sneaks into the master bathroom where his wife is putting on makeup. She is getting ready to go to work and had the towel wrapped around her hair. Roy quietly sneaks in and puts his hands over her eyes, and says, “Guess who beautiful?”
Clara, who is slightly annoyed at Roy for disrupting her morning routine, replies “Hmmm could it be my old man? Quit it so I can finish getting ready.” She quickly pinches him in the butt and turns around and gives Roy a kiss. “What has you so “excited” this morning Roy?
Roy responds, “Oh, not much. Your son Bobby had the most interesting makeup and cologne on. He looks like a 75 year old man. Its the most detailed stuff I’ve ever seen, he even has long old man hairs growing from his nose, chest, legs, and ears and a balding hair style you would find on Gramps. He must of put it on throughout the evening, you know he’s really been into his drama class this year and maybe he is dressed up for a rehearsal this morning.”
Clara, halfway listening to her husband while trying to finish getting ready responds with, “Oh, that sounds nice.” She was trying to get “firm” up her wrinkles under her eyes. The past 3 years had been hell for her body and it was succumbing to the wear and tear a 45 year old mother of 5 normally has. “Geez, I wish they would hurry up and figure out which gene is the aging gene!”
Clara noticed that her makeup wasn’t firming up her puffy eyelids like it normally did. She tried putting on more but it seemed to crack and cake instead of firm and fill in like it normally did.
“Honey, when i asked you to buy my eye firming makeup, did you remember to check the expiration date this time?, said Clara.
Roy thought to himself that Clara was much too worried about aging and that she should just be happy to be living such a long and healthy lifestyle. Roy thought for a moment, and said, “Yes dear, this last vial I purchased, which is what your using, doesn’t expired until June 2013.
Clara, beginning to get frustrated, grabbed some soap and decided to start from the beginning. She was shocked when she noticed her wrinkles seemed to be worse than they ever had been. Clara exclaimed, “I think I’m having some type of skin reaction to this makeup! My eyelids seem puffier than they ever have been and they appear to have more crows feet wrinkles!”
Indeed, Clara had come in contact with the remaining ointment on Roy’s hands when he played his peek-a-boo game with her. She had already gained 5 years and the aging was starting to accelerate!
“Roy, whats the thermostat on”, said an older sounding Clara.
“I have it on 73 degrees like you always want it in the morning”, stated Roy.
For some reason Clara was burning up! She felt moodier, and began to cry for no reason. Roy, trying to console his wife, could not stop from wondering why his hands and back had started to ache. Blaming the aches and pains on the humid bathroom air, he noticed his wife’s hair had begun to really gray up.
“Honey, Roy said, When was the last time you colored your hair? It really looks like you should call up your hair stylist soon”.
Clara, trying to stop sobbing for an inexplicable reason, looked at the mirror. She was shocked! She looked like her older sister who was 55. Her hair had grayed, the skin on her face had begun to wrinkle more and more, and lost the firmness it had just this morning.
“Roy, whats happening to me?” said Clara. “Why does it look like I’ve aged 10 years in the past 5 minutes?” Clara noticed something she had never seen before, she had begun to grow a long white hairs from her chin and her facial mole. It had grown 4 inches right in front of her eyes! Clara screeched, and fainted.
Roy, not understanding what had just caused his wife to scream and faint, looked at his now 60 year old wife. He began to realize something wasn’t right when her hair had completely turned white and her face and features had aged almost 15 years in the past few minutes.
Roy had not noticed the changes going on in his own body. His lean muscle mass was quickly being replaced with fat and gave him a slightly rounded build. Roy looked at hands and realized the skin was quite different from what he remembered. His skin had grown darker, looser, and had begun to be covered with liver spots and wrinkles. Roy then ran to the mirror to notic that his head hair had begun to full out, and the remaining hair had turned white. His eyebrows and other facial hair had also become white as the snow, although the eyebrows, nose hairs and ear hairs had begun to grow much longer. Before he knew it, Roy had begun to shrink a few inches, his nose and ears expanded and grew slightly longer, and his once 45 year old build ceased to exist and a 75 year old man stood in his place.
Roy, bewildered at what just happened, noticed his wife had befallen the same fate. She also was in mid 70’s and beauty had been replaced with wrinkles, sagging, and extra facial hair that had never been there before.
Remembered his son’s “costume”, and immediately went to ask him if he knew anything. Roy found Bobby in the other bathroom still naked and in shock.
Bobby said, “Dad?! Is that you?”
Roy responded, “Yes son, and you are grounded! What did you do to me, your mom, and yourself?”
Bobby, slightly amazed at how similar he and his Dad looked at 75 (almost identical) explained that he was tired of being a late bloomer and went into the Ointment shop in the mall and picked up the ointment that would make him older and have more hair. Bobby continued, “I just wanted to have a body like my classmates so they would stop picking on me in Gym! I couldn’t them jeering at me and calling me baldie and 7 year old dick! So i got this ointment hoping to grow some hair and older, thinking what the hell can it hurt and now I’m an old man! I tried to tell you this morning what happened but instead you thought it was some elaborate costume. I never thought it would do the same thing to you Dad!”
Roy, thinking out-loud, said, “I must of transferred the ointment to my hands when I pulled on your face and skin earlier.. OH MY GOD, then I touched your mom and aged her too!
"Put some clothes on son, even if you’re an old man, I’m still your dad, stated Bobby’s dad. We have to call 911 and get a Dr. here immediately."