Given that you don't have a whole lot of options, you decide to just cut the thing off you. You manage to topple your cutlery drawer to the floor after a great deal of fumbling, and with a few more minutes of trying to grab something with your blunt hooves you finally manage to get a nice sharp steak knife gripped between them. Sitting back, you prepare for the worst as you look over yourself to decide where to make the first cut. Much as it pains you to admit it, there's only one spot you can get a good enough angle on to cut at that's got enough rubber on it to keep you from cutting yourself: that massive member of yours, and those pendulous balls. Bringing the knife down to the bottom of your tight sack, you angle it as well as you can to prevent from cutting your balls deep underneath and then, with a single quick motion, try to slice into it... and slice you do, cutting a sharp gash into the surface of the rubber. There's a loud hissing as you hear the sound of air escaping - at the very least, that should get your junk back down to size. Of course, that still leaves the very real problem of the rest of you.