As Cletus continues to drive, you (once again) started to hunger for more of your chaw. As if instinct, you reach down in your pocket to pull it out; however, you cannot feel it in your pocket. “Uh-oh…,” you thought. You practically pull all your pockets inside-out, but find nothing besides your wallet and the handkerchief.
“Whas wrong [INSERT YOUR NAME]? Didji lose sumthin’?,” asks Cletus as he catches you squirming at the side of his eye.
“Dawggonnit, I loss mah chaw!”
“WHAT!?”, he gasps while driving into the corner store parking lot, “Gosh dernit boy, dat was tha lass can!”
“Don’t day sell sum heer?”
“Uh-uh,” he replies as he shakes his head and parks the truck, “Dat be sum ‘speshul brand.” Cletus reaches out and rubs his hand across the back of your left shoulder. “Dontjew worry ‘bout it dough big guy. I’ll git yah more later on n’night heer?”
You blush, smile, and scratch the back of your head with your hand. “Well gee… Dhanks, bubba.”
Cletus pauses for a second as he stares at something on your face. “Oh, um.. Nutin’ to it,” he replies as he gently knocks you on your shoulder. “Stay put now. I’ll be back lickety-split.” Cletus leaves the truck on as he climbs out and slams the door.
You crank up the radio a bit and pull your seat back as far as you could. Next, you expose your bushy, sweaty armpits as you lift your arms and rest your hands behind the back of your head. After a couple of minutes of humming songs, you make a loud yawn and snort. However, upon yawning, you feel something trickling the bottom of your nose. You wriggle your mouth trying to alleviate the itch but to no avail. As it was becoming highly irritating, you scratch at the source but feel lots of hair. You raise yourself up, pull down the vanity mirror and discover that you have developed a relatively thick mustache. The mustache was large enough that it covered most of your upper lip and could be felt prickling against the bottom of your nose. In addition, you turn your head slightly and find it connected to 2 highly unkempt chops of hair on your cheeks. “Well, I’ll be…,” you murmur while shuffling your fingers within your inch long mutton chops. As you play with your facial hair, you happen to find that your chin sticks out a bit more and now has a deep cleft. With the stubble, it kind of resembled a hairy rear. “*whistle*, I ain’t half bad lookin’,” you remark as you stick your chin out. You lick your right index fingers and try to straighten your mustache out; once done, you create a toothy smile. Your teeth was highly yellow and full of plaque and tartar buildup; as expected of one who abandoned the ways of dental hygiene.
After awhile, Cletus finally walks out of the store with a crate full of cheap beer and a bag. You open the door for him as he enters and drops the beer in the back. “Miss me?,” he sarcastically asked.
“Whajew got dair, Clee?”, you ask.
Cletus tosses the bag in your lap. “Take a gander ‘n it.”
You raise your seat back to normal and scuffle through the bag. In it, you see a bottle of hot sauce, a couple of Pay Day candy bars, a bottle of old spice cologne, a large can of Old Spice Spray Deodorant, 2 cans of Odor-Eater Foot Spray, toe nail clippers, and something that really caught your eye, a pack of Phillies Titan Cigars. “Dee’s mine?”
“Yup, dem’s all yers,” he says as he restarts the engine, “Save those gars ‘till we git home dough. We’s ‘bout tah ordah sum grub. Ah’m hungry.”
Your belly grumbles loudly as you realize you haven’t eaten anything all day. You look down and scratch it.
“Heh, I heer I ain’t tha only one,” lightly laughs Cletus, “So where to partner? Mah treat.”
You look around the area and see a Pizza Hut sign in the distance. You suddenly started to crave for some pizza. “Ah’m kinda hankerin’ for summa dat dair Pizza Hut ovuh yonders.”
“I figger jew say dat,” he remarks while backing the truck out, “We ain’t eatin’ inside though ye heer?”
You nod. Soon after, the both of you arrive at the parking lot. “Ah’m stayin’n heer, Clee. I ain’t gunna wear dem boots agin,” you said.
“Ahright, whadjew want then?”
“Uh..”, you replied while scratching your head, “Gimme a medium wit’ extra shrooms an’ a serra mis’.”
“That it?,” worried Cletus. He scratches his chin and begins thinking to himself, “Medium my ass. Jew know that ain’t gunna be ‘nough fer ya. Ah know zackly whatchew want.” He then opens the truck door and places his left foot on the ground. “Ahrighty, I’ll be back ‘n a gif,” he says.
Cletus exits and walks inside the restaurant. A female employee greets him as he walked towards the register. “Welcome to Pizza Hut where you can get a large supreme for just $10.00! May I help you sir?”
Cletus glances up at the menu. “Uh… gimme 1 of whatjew said, sum breadsticks, and… uh... a large m-dew.”
“Alright!,” she said while fiddling with the register, “Will that be all sir?”
“Naw,” he smirks. Without even taking another look at the menu, he responsively replies, “Ah want a extra large meat lovuh pan pizza wit’ cheesy crust, a bucket o’ buffalo hot wings ‘wit sum extra sauce, and a 2-liter cola.”
The waiter rings everything up. “That’ll be $34.69.”
Cletus pulls out his large leather wallet and $35.
“Thank you! .31 cents is your change. Your food will be ready around 20minutes.”
Cletus grabs and pockets the receipt, then walks towards the restroom. Before he enters, his cellphone starts to ring. He glances at the caller I.D. and sees it’s Lester calling and answers the phone. “ee’ello.”
“Yo! Ah hurd from billy yah high tailed it wit’ [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE].”
“Psh, [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE]? Nevah heard of ‘em.”
“Hahah! Right, ‘scuse my French. I mean Cliff.”
“Uh-huh. We were jus’ hankerin’ fer sum good ol’ qualty time togetha n’ all.”
“Brothly love huh? Thay up in a storm ‘bout him heer. Ah reckon id bes’ to keep his head low ‘til he’s through,” Lester suggests, “How’s he cumin’ long enahways?”
“Sum o’ his memories returnin’; most ain’t quite there yet dough. His stache and mutt’ chops arready comin’ in’. He even gots his smell now.”
“Ah betcha can’t wait ‘till yer big bubba comes back huh?”
Cletus blushes and adjusts his hardening member at the thought.
“I’ll be checkin’ wit both of ya’ll later on. Be shure to keep yer part of tha bargin’ wit mah Pa, ahright? I don’t wanna see inithin’ happn to ya.”
Cletus sighs, “Yeah yeah… I know. I’ll be needin’ more of ‘at dair chaw dough.”
“Woah partner. Yous out ahready?
“Well… tha boy lost tha last can and-“
“Lost? Whooo freddy… Good luck ‘splainin’ dat one to mah pa.” A brief pause occurs in the conversation. “Fuck, tha supahvisman cumin’. I’ll hollar at ya’ll latah.”
And with that, Cletus shuts his phone and enters the rest room. He whistles as he turns to the only toilet inside and promptly undos his buckle and jeans. He sticks his hard member out through his musky boxers and aims it towards the can. “Yep, jus’ a matter o’ time ‘til yer ‘live igin Cliff,” he grins as he fires his wiz in the toilet.
********
After using the rest room and waiting for the order, the food was finally ready. Cletus picks up the pizza, chicken, and drinks and heads out towards the truck. He finds you lying back on the seat with your eyes closed eating one of the payday bars. “Hey dummy; ya gunna open tha door or what?”
With the bar hanging from your mouth, you pull yourself over and open the door for him. “’Bout time, Clee. What took ya so long?”
“Waitin’ fer tha grub, what else? Dem’s ain’t no fast food joint.” Cletus places the food on your lap, his drink in the cup stand, and the 2-liter next to your legs.
As he situates himself, you finish the rest of your candy bar and throw the wrapper out the window. The looming aroma of the fresh pizza and buffalo hot wings was hypnotically enticing. You anxiously open the medium pizza only to disappointingly find it covered with several additional toppings you didn’t ask for. “Shucks, Clee. Dis ain’t what I wanted..” you frowned.
“Tha’s right, cause it’s mine.” Cletus snatched the medium pizza from your lap, pulled out a slice, and began eating it at the side of your face. “Mmmm… Good.”
Feeling slightly annoyed, you pay no attention to him and look inside the larger pizza box. Upon gazing at its meaty contents your mouth instantly started to water. You pull the pizza closer to your nostrils and took in a deep whiff of its captivating aroma.
“Ah figger since ya like meat so much, I gun ‘head n’ an got ya an extra large meaty one,” said Cletus as he continued to eat his own.
As if in a trance, you pick up the biggest slice and ferociously rip off a big section at the end. Your taste buds screamed with satisfaction as you grind and shuffle the delicious Italian sausage and other thick meat in your mouth. Oddly enough, even though you use to be somewhat of a vegetarian, it feels to you as if you’ve experience such an incredible dish before. Indeed, it feels like you haven’t eaten this in months. O’ well, you discard such thinking and continued to savor the flavor. You gulp down the scrumptious contents and dive in for another bite. The beefy toppings is simply too delicious for your mouth to handle. Screw whatever you ask for previously; this is now your favorite type of pizza; no, your favorite thing to eat period. You love pizza; you love meat. That’s right; meat has always been your favorite section of the food pyramid or whatever it was called. You love eating pork chops, chicken wings, ham; hell, almost anything slaughtered from an animal. You remembered how Cletus and the fellas sometimes called you a true carnivore.
“You like?” asked Cletus.
“Shieeet. ‘’Course, bubba. Jew know how much ah fancy mah meat,” you proudly reply and take another bite. As you chew, something feels missing to you. You stop to think for a second and realized what it was. You reach down in the previous bag from the other store and pulled out your favorite bottle of hot sauce. “Dern, I almos’ forgit,” you thought as you crank the top open and sprinkled the sauce all over your pizza. Cletus pauses and smirks as he sees you’re becoming more like his dead brother. “Sumthin’ tha matter?”, you ask as you catch Cletus glaring at you at the corner of your eye.
“Naw,” he replies, “Dem wings and coke also yers.”
You glance at the 2-liter and the bucket. “Yup, co-cola and bufflo wings; tha regular.” On impulse, you reach over and playfully rub your hand in Cletus’s hair. “Dat’s mah lil’ bubba fer ya! Always knowin’ zactly what I want.” Doing that somehow felt incredibly exhilarating. Again, you think nothing of it and continue eating your hot sauce drenched pizza.
Cletus blushes as it’s been a long time since someone played with his hair like that. He was about to call Cliff’s name, but stops himself as he sees your transformation is obviously still not complete. “Hey [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE]…”
“Huh?” you reply as you chew with your mouth open.
“From now on, keep callin’ mahself yer lil’ bubba, ahright?”
“Shure thing clee- ah mean, lil’ bubba!”
Cletus smiles as he assumes your transformation could be finish by the end of the night at this rate. He sets his pizza in the back, starts the truck, and sets off for home.
********
“What!?”, yelled C.J. back at school while talking about you with his 2 friends just before the day is over.
“Yeah, I hear he booked it not to long after lunch,” said the student on the right.
They paused as the intercom came on. “Students and teachers,” uttered Ms. Connors, “We’re currently looking for a student who goes by the name of [INSERT YOUR FIRST AND LAST NAME HERE]. If you’ve seen him or have any information about his whereabouts, please contact the front office immediately. I repeat...”
“Damn, again? He must’ve really pissed them off or somethin’.”
C.J. was highly worried and questioned what exactly was going on. “Hey, Mark (the student on the left). You have classes with Cletus right? Have you heard anything about him recently?”
“Cletus? You mean that one hillbilly? Why ask about him for? You think he has something to do with this?”
C.J. looks down. “I’m not too sure really…”
“Hey, didn’t you sit near him and his friends today for a bit at lunch?,” prodded the student on the right, “He hasn’t done anything to you has he?”
“No, I’m just a little curious and all.”
“Eh, I honestly pay no attention to him. Did you hear about that fight though?”
“Fight?”
“Oh yeah,” blurted the right student, ”2 of his goons brawled it out between 5th and 6th period.”
C.J. went into thought. “Hmm, that’s odd. Usually they’ll all buddy-buddy. It’s hard to imagine them getting into a fight with one another. 6th period’s also when Ms. Connors started asking about him through the intercom. Could it be that-”
“Chris!” yelled a woman interrupting his thinking.
He turns around and finds your sister running up to him. “Jesse? Why are you here?”
“God… please, tell me you’ve heard something from my little brother,” she panicked, “I haven’t seen him since yesterday! I’ve tried calling him, he won’t answer his phone, and-”
“Hey, calm down!”
“I can’t! He’s the only one I have left in this world.”
C.J. recalled you mentioning about your parent’s tragic death in a car accident and how your older sister obtained custody of you.
“The principal told me some crazy guy had his I.D. and claimed to be him.”
“Woah, woah, wait a sec,” said the student on the right. “Was this guy you heard some kind of redneck?”
“I don’t know. From what I was told, he had a deep southern accent and smelled horrible. [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] isn’t like that!”
“He probably got abducted.”
Jessica began to tear up. “Shut up Isaiah (the student on the right)!” yelled C.J.
“Sorry, sorry.”
“I’m sure he’s fine Jesse, “consoled C.J., “Have you tried calling the police yet?”
“They’re already searching for him.” Suddenly, her cell phone starts ringing. “That’s them now. I’ll talk to you later Chris.”
“I’ll be sure to give you a heads up if I find anything out,” said C.J.
“Thanks!” she said as she answered her cellphone and walked off.
“Jeese. I didn’t realize it was this serious,” mumbled Mark.
C.J. searches through his pocket and pulls out your can of chaw you forgot earlier. “Hmm? What’s that?,” asked Isaiah before snatching it out of C.J.’s hand. “Ha! When’d you get into tobacco?”
C.J. snatches it back. “It’s not mine it’s... that guy’s from earlier.” He figures it would probably be best not to divulge the truth to them. “I’ve seen him drop it in the restroom earlier today. I think there’s some sort of connection between him and this stuff here.”
Mark stepped a bit closer to get a better look. “Hey, I recognize this logo,” he mentioned, “My dad use to go to this guy’s store all the time. I thought he went out of business.”
“Why’s that?” asked C.J.
“Uh... I’m not sure really. I remember it being quite barren whenever me and my dad went there, so I guess he probably didn’t have many customers.”
“I know what you’re thinking C.J.,” indicated Isaiah, “If we find out more about this retailer here; maybe we’ll find out more about that one guy, right?”
“Exactly.”
“Man, shouldn’t we just let the cops handle this? I’m sure they could use that can as evidence or something.”
“If the cops find [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] before we do, he’ll eventually be charged with abduction or even worse… I can’t let that happen to my friend,” he thought to himself, “Cletus done something to him alright; I’m fairly positive of that fact. Saying his eyes look alike isn’t good enough. I’ll need some hard, concrete evidence to expose who he really is in addition to Cletus’s involvement.” C.J. looks back at Isaiah, “I can’t just idly sit by and do nothing Isaiah. You guys feel the same way to right? He’s our friend.”
“I see what ya saying, but-“
“C.J.’s right, Isaiah,” interrupts Mark, “If one of us were in trouble, I’m sure he’ll come looking for us also.”
C.J. turns his head to Mark, “Do you know where this retailer is at now?”
“Nope, but maybe my dad does,” he says as he pulls out his cellphone, “I’ll give him a call.”
“Tch, you guys are asking for it.”
“You don’t have to help if you don’t want to Isaiah.”
“Hey, don’t get me wrong. I wanna help look for him to, I just don’t want to get in over our heads here.”
“What? You scared?,” teased Mark as he waits for his dad to answer.
“Psh. I ain’t scared.”
Suddenly, the bell rang and soon after, students started to flood the hallways. C.J. quickly puts the can back into his pocket and heads out together with his friends to his car.