Bridget sat down after getting home and took the shopkeepers advice and made a list.
“Let’s see what do I want to turn this bastard into?” Bridget began to write for what
seemed forever until she came up with a list of traits to ensure that Brian would forever be
noticed as the clown he is.
THE LIST
Whiteface
350 lbs.
Bald on top
Red hair circling the side of his head that stuck out a foot on all sides and curled up at the
ends.
A big Red smile
Big black U shaped eyebrows.
Slight red blush on his cheeks
Black diamonds above and below each eye
A Big red nose the size of a tennis ball with nostrils so he can breathe normally
4 fingered hands
Size 28 clown feet
Big stomach
Big butt
White gloves
A yellow and red plaid suit, with a red vest
Big red bowtie
Red and white striped socks
Big red clown shoes, not sneakers, with yellow spats
Always bloated so that the slightest squeeze to his body makes him fart
Uncontrollable flatulence, at least once every few minutes, and really stinky
When he sits down his butt make sounds like a whoopee cushion
Shake his belly and calliope music plays
Can fart fireworks when he wants to.
Can ride a unicycle that appears out of his butt
Knows every clown joke both practical and impractical
Joy buzzer built into his right hand
Squeaks when he walks
Cries seltzer that shoots from his eyes like a cartoon.
Smells like cotton candy
Can shoot confetti from his nose when he sneezes
His penis is a balloon he can make balloon animals with
Talks with a goofy voice.
Clumsy
Feels compelled to act more and more like a clown the more serious a situation is
Stomach can act as a trampoline
Hates to be a clown but will not seek a cure or become suicidal
“This will ruin his life,” Bridget smiled. She called Brian and invited him over that night,
saying she had an extra special surprise for him.