Bridget woke up to see a flesh colored stick in her field of vision. She rubbed the sleep
from her eyes, and then gingerly reached up to see what it was. A scream left her mouth
as she realized it was her nose. Bridget shot up to a sitting position and started to look
around. Where was she?
“Hey everyone! She’s awake!”
Bridget looked over at the voice, “Mike?”
“Hey Bridget,” Mike greeted her.
“Where an I?”
“You’re at my house. Hold on there’s some people who would like to see you.”
Into the room, which was the master bedroom, came an older woman, Funzo, and that
gassy little girl clown with the big feet.
“Funzo?”
“Yeah Bridge it’s me. And I know it was you who turned me into this clown.”
“So what? You deserved it! You slept with my sister!”
“Yeah Bridget he did,” Mike began, “But you slept with me before he did that, during the
time he did that, and a few times since he did that.”
“Wow!” Caitlyn Clown honked her nose, “It’s like Degrassi High around here!”
“Caitlin!” the older woman, Alice, yelled at the young clown girl. “You are not allowed to
watch bad Canadian soap operas!”
“Sorry mom,” the young pink and white clown smiled followed by an ear shattering burp.
“Oh excuse me!” she said demurely.
“So you made my nose bigger to get even?” Bridget yelled.
“Not just your nose young lady,” Alice smiled. “Funzo, Caitlyn go get that full length mirror
from the hall.”
“Yes ma’am,” Caitlyn said giving her mom a salute with her four fingered hand. She and
Funzo then marched out of the room like soldiers to get the mirror.
“What else did you do?” Bridget said becoming afraid.
“Just this,” Alice replied pulling off the sheet that had been covering Bridget’s body.
Bridget looked down in horror. Her feet were huge! Not as big as Funzo’s, or god forbid,
that little Caitlyn Clown’s, but big. At least a size 15, more than twice her old size 6 and a
half. But why were her feet in sneakers, and where did they get a pair that big?
That’s when both Funzo and Caitlyn came in with the mirror. Both were on their unicycles
and were deftly maneuvering the mirror into place. They set it down and turned, balanced
perfectly on their unicycles, towards Bridget to watch her reaction.
Bridget stared at her calve in the mirror. She saw that she had ridiculously muscled calves.
Bridget again gaped at the mirror and watched as her reflection moved her hand up her
legs from her giant muscle calves to what must have been some of the biggest thighs in
history. At their thickest they must have been 48 inches. She stood up and realized they
touched starting right above her knees. She turned her butt towards the mirror and
realized it was now the largest part of her.
“It’s 78 inches, we measured!” Caitlyn said trying to be helpful.
“Seven…seventy eight inches?”
“Yeah! And wait until you hear what it can do! I’m definitely jealous.”
“What are you talking…” but Bridget was caught off guard by the loudest and smelliest fart
she ever heard coming from her own butt. Everyone in the room fanned the fumes away
from their faces except Bridget, who kind of wafted it up to her nose to smell it better.
“So Jealous.”
Bridget then looked at her face for the first time. Her nose must have stuck 8 inches from
her face. “I look like Pinocchio,” she whispered.
“That’s the look we were going for,” Alice said proudly.
Bridget then looked at her skin and hair closer. She had greasy skin and hair, something
she never let happen, and as she looked she started to pick her nose and wipe it on her
shirt. She then sniffed her armpits loving the aroma. Then it dawned on her.
“Oh my God! I’m a slob!”
“Bingo stinky!” Funzo said while pretending to shoot Bridget.
“I can’t believe you did this to me,” Bridget cried as she sat on the bed.
“I can! Look what you did to me! You had to realize if I found out I would get even.”
“But you needed me! I figured that would protect me!”
“I don’t need you anymore! Caitlyn,” Funzo said putting his arm around the young clown,
“And her family are going to help me for now on. And Caitlyn is showing me how much
fun it can be being a clown.”
“I am?” Caitlyn asked.
“You are,” Funzo replied smiling lovingly at the fat little girl clown.
“Well alright,” Mike added.
“Oh and don’t forget the last part,” Funzo said grabbing Bridget’s foot. He then took off
her shoes revealing an odor so foul that Mike began to dry heave. “You now have the worst
smelling feet in history!”
“Oh god!” Bridget yelled, “Put my sneaker back on.” Bridget snatched the sneaker from
Funzo’s four-fingered hand as quickly as she could, and slipped it back on. I can’t believe
this is me now.”
“Now you know what it’s like.”
“Listen dear,” Alice began soothingly, “We have clothes for you. We were able to go out and
buy you an outfit or two, but it’s up to you to buy the rest of your wardrobe.” Mike then
handed Bridget some bags from the mall. “You’re going to have to get dressed and leave
now.”
“But what do I tell people,” Bridget said almost in tears.
“What ever you want.”
Everybody waited downstairs for Bridget to get dressed. She finally made her way down
the stairs, visibly out of breath. Her new butt and thighs were too heavy for her to walk
very far, and her large feet made it her to navigate the steps.
“We called a taxi for you to take you back to the hotel and your car.” Alice told her.
“Thank you,” Bridget squeaked. And with that Bridget left to start trying to salvage what
bits of her life she could.
“So now what do we do with all that, hyuck, ointment?” Funzo asked.
“I don’t know,” Alice replied, “But I’m sure we’ll find some use.”
“I already did for some!” Caitlyn told everyone excitedly.
“Oh yeah? What’s that squirt?” Mike asked her.
“I put some of the smelly feet ointment on MY feet!” Caitlyn then took her size 35 shoes
off to show everyone. The smell was mixed with cotton candy but still quite rank. Even
though Bridget’s foot odor was ten times worse, Caitlyn’s feet still forced everyone from
the room.
“What?” Caitlyn inquired with a honk of her nose.