"Hm, laddie, how about this one?" he said handing a glossy picture of a menacing tree monster.
"Whoa, that's cool! No one else will be dressed like that, but it looks a little big and awkward to maneuver
in?"
"Oh, not at all, Laddie," the clerk said with a grin, "And tis highly functional too. See that branch?" he
said pointing to a place midway up the trunk. He winked, "Your cock fits inside. You got wood all night, and
can piss and have sex while in costume. Now that's better then most, ain't it?"
"Well, yeah. Maybe I can try it on first?" Kris asked.
"Aye! O'course ye can!" the man said with glee, "Now you go strip naked in this here changing chamber," he
said shoving Kris through a curtain and into a large empty room with mirrored walls, "And I'll go get the gear
for your transformation."
"You mean the costume?"
"Aye, aye, yes, the costume, laddie. Now you get out of those clothes."
The kilted proprietor disappeared down an aisle, Kris shrugged and closed the curtain. The changing room was a
big as his gym's locker room only without the lockers and benches. It seemed like a waste of space, but it
wasn't his store.
The man grinned and scratched his crotch. He had been trying to get some fool to become a tree monster for
nigh on 13 years, but everyone wanted to be a werewolf or vampire or zombie, and of course, the occasional
dragon and lich or demon. He grabbed the vial of green liquid and emptied a bottle of Gatorade. The emerald
green liquid filled the bottle perfectly. Then he loaded up a cart with a foam rubber costume, and a pot of
dirt. Then he whistled an old Scottish tune.
"Ah, there ye be, and nearly naked too," he said entering the changing room without so much as a knock.
"Hey! I'm naked here!"
"Oh, please, you're going to need me help to get into the costume, and you need to be naked to use it
properly, and I've seen more naked laddies in my day than you probably have seen naked lassies - even on the
internet." He unloaded the cart as he spoke.
"Uh, okay, so what's with the pot of dirt?"
"Ah, tis just a prop. See people see a potted tree they don't look to close, and then ye move and they jump
out of their skins. But they see a tree in the middle of the room without a prop they immediately know it
isn't a tree," he explained and handed Kris the bottle of green liquid. "Now drink this up. You need to stay
hydrated, only problem with this costume is it does get warm inside - another reason for you to be naked."
"I don't know?"
"Oh, come on, ye'ar only trying it on, if'n ye do not like it, well then we'll find ye something else," the
man said with a nod thrusting the drink into Kris's hand, "won't we?"
"Sure why not? Is this a new flavor? I haven't seen this color before?"
"Ah, I think it's a promotion for that new Leprechaun movie."
"They made another one? I thought the midget actor died?"
"Jes' a rumor, laddie. Jes' a rumor. Now drink deep. Drink it all up," he said, "Don't want ye passing out
from the heat."
Kris drained the bottle. Then-even though he was naked- he felt strangely warm, actually flushed with heat.
He also felt dizzy. He - everything went black. He wouldn't recall falling into the Scotsman's waiting arms.
He would wake with a start with his ankles buried deep in the black loam in the pot. He was standing upright,
and his legs were stiff and fused together. He tried to bend over to dig his feet out, but discovered he could
only lean forward a bit. His waist wouldn't bend. His skin was all broken out with brownish rash. As he
watched the raised lesions erupted to reveal bark. He was turning into a tree.
"Hey!" he shouted, "What's happening?"
"Oh, laddie, you must have squirrels in your attic, if ye cannot figure this oot!" the Scotsman said shaking
his head, "Ye are turning into a tree monster like in the photograph. Now I best be getting my tools ready,"
he said, and resumed sharpening the ax head on the spinning stone wheel.
"An ax? You're not planning on using that on me are you?"
"Silly, lad, know ye nothing? The only suitable wood for vampire coffins is from a tree monster of course.
They'll pay a fortune for ye, after ye'ar harvested," he said with a wicked laugh.
"Oh, oh, aaaaaaaah," Kris gasped as his body quivered and grew. He must be 8 or 10 feet tall now. He could
see his root peeking out of the soil at his base. He felt the hot green sap flowing through his veins. The
ancient tree lore began to fill his brain. He glared at the Scotsman, and thought, "The fool! He has never
dealt with a tree man before. He thinks he can fell me with an simple ax? Doesn't he know that tree men are
the only trees that can walk, and command other plants to move and do their bidding?" Already, Kris's mind
was in touch with the great oaks lining the street. The concrete around them shattered, and the great oaks
moved toward the building under Kris's control.