"Jeff hails from Cincinnati, home of WKRP, and he too is an aspiring werewolf. Come on up, Jeff. So what
would you do if both you and Steve end up drawing the werewolf card, Jeff?" asked the announcer.
"Well, Nick, I'd obviously be the alpha male. If Stevo's lucky, I'll let him join my pack," Jeff answered.
"Well, I think Steve's planning on staying in Miami. Mighty big pack if it stretches from Cincinnati to
Miami."
"Wolves range over vast territories, Nicky, my pack's territory would be North America. I few months of
hunting in Miami might be nice, then move on to Orlando, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Charleston, and work our way
up to Nova Scotia. I just had another thought about Stevo, maybe he'll pull the swap gender space on the
wheel," he said leaning over to wave at Steve, "Bet you'd really like to be my bitch, Stephanie." Jeff winked.
"Oh, yeah, uh, Jeff-a-fine? You'd be my bitch," growled Stephen.
"Uh, Jeff, my name's Nick, don't call me Nicky. Understand?" the announcer said in an acerbic tone.
"Sure thing, uh, N-ick," Jeff said with a shitty grin.
"Next contestant is Donna from Brookline, Massachusetts. Her role model is Rosey O'Donnell, and she'd like to
be a 350 lb male truck driver from Philadelphia. Well, good luck with that Donna. Any particular race?"
"Yeah, Nick, I'd like to be an African American, because they have the biggest dicks," Donna said looking down
at white Nick's crotch and sneering.
"How would you feel if you ended up a 90 lb Thai Ladyboy?" Nick asked.
"I don't think either of us think that'll happen? Do we?" growled 250 very butch Donna as she shoved her face
into Nick's.
"Heh, heh, we'll just have to see. We have our three contestants, now we'll begin the first round. Remember
any player that gets totally transformed into a non-human is out of the game, and we'll call a new contestant
from our studio audience."
"Studio audience? Dude, you got an audience, but there ain't no cameras, so this ain't no studio," Jeff
pointed out.
Donna nodded in agreement.
"I never said it was a television studio," Nick said.
"Oh, you mean this is going out on radio? Lame. No one can see the transformations," Jeff added.
Nick just snorted. "Right, we can change every fiber in your being, and you think that we aren't the show
wizards, witches, warlocks, sorcerers, and the like tune their magic mirrors and crystal balls to watch?"
"Oh?" asked Donna.
"Cool!" said Steve.
Jeff just shrugged, "Whatever you say, Nick."
"Yes, Jeff, whatever I say!" Nick said, "And since you're such an eager beaver, you can spin first, Jeff."
Jeff reached for the wheel and spun.
Clackity, clack, clackity, clack...
"Oh, you just missed werewolf by two, Jeff," Nick said. "I guess you'd better adjust your trousers because
you're growing a tail."
"A beaver tail!" Jeff shouted angrily, "You just called me a beaver! This game is rigged. Oh, oh, oh, ah!" He
pulled his trousers down a bit and extracted the thick flat beaver tail rooted to his spine.
"I assure you the game's not rigged per se, but like you said it's my game and what I say goes," Nick said
with an apologetic shrug, "Guess the wheel may have been influenced by my beaver remark, I'll try to watch my
words more carefully."
"Say, Nick, who are you? You look familiar, were you on TV?"
"Oh, you'll figure it out, Stephen, you're a bright boy. Now spin that ol' wheel for Ol' Nick," he said with a
grin and twirl of his mustache.
"No beaver, no beaver, no beaver," Steve chanted softly as he spun the wheel.
Jeff just glared at him.
Clackity, clack...