Luke heard the warble of his cell phone’s ringtone.
“Uh,” he said, “I better get that.”
“Don’t take too long,” said Sonya. She pursed her bee-stung, black-painted lips and mimed a kiss, then turned toward the bed where Kristi and Melissa waited.
Luke found his cell phone on the desk, plugged into his computer to charge, and picked it up. “Uncle John,” read the caller ID on the display.
“Hello?” he said.
“Luke!” exclaimed his uncle. “How are you?”
”Uh...” Luke began.
”Anything a little weird going on?” John asked.
Luke looked across his large bedroom to the gigantic round bed covered in red satin sheets, on which three gorgeous teenage girls appeared to be starting a lesbian porno movie. “Well, yeah...” he admitted.
”Ah, okay,” said his uncle. “Listen, I sensed something was slightly strange, so I checked some of my scrying devices, and it seems there are some ripples in the fabric of reality centered on your location -- ohh!”
”Uncle John?” asked Luke.
He heard John’s voice not talking into the phone. “Not now, this is important -- well, don’t worry, I’ll be sure to let you know. Yes, it’s Luke - - okay, of course.” He returned to the phone. “Your Aunt Jennifer says hello.”
”Jennifer?” asked Luke. “Her name is Linda.”
”No, your Aunt Linda is in the kitchen making lunch for all of us. Jennifer is the one who just tried to suck me off. It’s --“ John paused a moment and said, “Oh, so you are noticing changes to reality where you are? And you didn’t remember both my wives?”
”Well, that’s just it,” Luke tried to explain. “Things have changed. I mean, you only had one -- Aunt Linda -- and then my cousins Casey and Josh --“
John interrupted. “Yes, Casey and Josie are Linda’s daughters, and then your cousin Michelle with Jennifer.”
Luke shook his head -- Casey and Josh were both boys, and he had no idea about Michelle. “No, look, you had one wife - -“
”Well, that doesn’t make any sense,” said his uncle. “Linda, Jennifer, and I all met in college -- but what about your father’s four wives? And don’t you still have your four girlfriends? When I talked to your mother a few days ago --“
”Like I said, things have changed,” said Luke. He looked over at his bed to see Melissa eating out Sonya as Kristi licked Sonya’s pierced nipples, both using a tongue that seemed to stretch a foot out of their mouths. He quickly tested his own tongue, but it only extended to what he thought of as its normal length, a couple of inches past his teeth. “Girls’ tongues!” he said.
”What about them?” asked John.
”Don’t they seem weird to you?”
”No, they feel great on my cock,” John replied.
Luke cringed at that, but asked, “It’s not weird at all that girls’ tongues are much longer than guys’?”
”Why would it be?”
”Look,” said Luke, “when I woke up Christmas morning, I had one father who had one wife, my mother, and we lived in a little three- bedroom house by ourselves. Now we have a giant mansion, I have four girlfriends, one of which is a porn star and three of which are, uh, enhanced versions of cheerleaders from my school, and I guess they all live with me, and you tell me my father has three other wives...”
He trailed off, and there was silence on the other end of the line for a while.
”Sorry,” his uncle said. “I’m just trying to imagine that. Enhanced? Remember, I’ve met them, and they look like normal high school students to me.”
”Even the giant boobs?” Luke asked. He realized Sonya was looking longingly at him from the bed.
John chortled. “They’re not that big, right? Only melon-sized? Now, your cousin Michelle -- it’s looking like she’s gonna have a pair of bowling balls by the time she’s finished growing.”
”But can we do something about these changes?” asked Luke.
”Like what?” retorted his uncle. “You want to do something that might take away the mansion, your girlfriends, and all that? I can’t imagine getting rid of either of my wives --“
”It’s just all so weird!”, exclaimed Luke.
”I think you’ll get used to it,” said John. “I mean, it sounds like everything’s better than it used to be -- you know, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and all that.”
”I guess,” said Luke. All three girls were now sitting on the edge of his bed, caressing each other but looking longingly at him. He turned around to try to avoid the distraction.
”I can cast a spell to completely stabilize reality after we get off the phone,” said John. “By the way, I don’t think I asked -- how did this happen?”
”Your present to me,” replied Luke.
”My present? You got it already? The tracking info shows it’s not due for another couple days. I told your mom when I talked to her yesterday --“
”No, I had something from you yesterday. A box of condoms.”
”Condoms?”
”Yeah.
”Why would I give you condoms? I’d have had to go to an antique store. Have you even heard of them outside history class?”
”What?!”
Uncle John explained, “I can’t imagine anyone using one since about 1950, not after we perfected the VD vaccine and the birth control the Nazis had been working on.”
”What?!”
Before Luke heard his uncle’s response, though, someone grabbed the phone out of his hand from behind. He spun around to see Christmas Cantaloupes, in a red lace teddy and matching platform heels, saying into the phone, “Hi, John, it’s Christmas. Sorry, I just haven’t fucked Luke since last night, so I wanted him to get off the phone....Yeah, I thought you’d understand....okay, I’ll tell him.”
She jabbed at the phone’s touch screen to end the call and said to Luke, “He said to tell you he’s gonna stabilize reality. Whatever that means.”
Luke looked at the blonde porn star standing before him, and then at the three other visions of loveliness who were currently on his bed naked and desperately awaiting his muscular body and thick cock, and he sighed and said with a weak smile, “It means that this has been quite a Christmas.”
A few seconds later, courtesy of a kiss from Ms. Cantaloupes, he discovered the nodule deep in his throat that, he would later learn, was a standard male organ that everyone called the Pleasure Spot.