I found my bearings. I was miles away from home and had to run the whole way, the whole pack in tow. They whined and yipped at me, not
knowing what had me so agitated. The lot of us nearly knocked people over in the street. I caught sight of a clock. It was nearly noon. I was
very late.
I reached my apartment building and pushed the doorbell with my nose. Thankfully, I'd chosen one of the few breeds of dog large enough to
reach. Nobody answered, but I was buzzed through. When the other dogs tried to follow me I growled at them. They hesitated. The alsatian
looked at me, broken hearted. I ignored it and pushed the door closed with my paw. I tried not to look back as I nudged the button for the
elevator.
When I reached my apartment, the door was open. My heart lifted a little, thinking Runt had opened it for me when I rang the bell, a gesture
more conscientious than normal. However, when I hurried inside, I was shocked to discover the apartment was empty.
All my stuff. Furniture, food, clutter, vanished. All that remained was my sofa and a lamp. Also in the room, preparing to lift the sofa, were two
strong looking men. It seemed one of them had buzzed me up.
I barked my deep, rumbling bark at them and didn't stop. It didn't occur to me that they might think it odd that a St. Bernard had just wandered
in and was barking at them. I just wanted to know what the hell they had done with my things. They were utterly bewildered, and could only
look at each other with confusion.
"Oh, shush, will yer?" said a familiar voice. Runt wandered in from outside. To my surprise, he was wearing clothes. Admittedly, it was my own
bath robe and he hadn't actually tied it up, so it did nothing at all to disguise his nudity. At that point, I also noticed that the two men with my
sofa weren't ordinary removal men. They were incredibly muscular body-builders, with thick beards and chest hair and each were only slightly
better dressed than Runt. One was wearing a kilt made of pillow-cases which was far to small for him, causing a large bulge in the crotch and
failing to cover most of his outer thighs. The other wore what appeared to be a poncho made out of a rug, which threatened to expose his
nudity if only he raised his arms high enough.
I paused to digest this for just a moment, before I began barking again.
"Oh, for-" Runt sighed. He reached down, grabbed my balls and yanked. I felt myself shrink as air rushed out of me. At the same time, I
ballooned outwards as whatever was keeping me packed in was removed. In the space of an instant, I was splayed out on the floor, human.
Needless to say, naked. Strangely, I felt that I was more appropriately dressed than the others.
"What the FUCK is going on?" I shouted as I got to my feet, "Where's my stuff?"
"Chill, dude, it's all fine." Runt shushed.
"Who are these guys?"
"Them?" Runt shrugged, "I made them. They used to be your shoes."
"My shoes?"
"Yeah," he pointed, "Pillowcases is Left, poncho is Right."
Left waved. Right looked sheepish.
"They're my shoes!?"
"Well, I can't make somethin' out of nuthin'!" he reasoned, "And I needed help liftin'. They don't talk but they're mighty pretty to look at. None
of your clothes fit so we improvised."
I stared at them. They looked at me. They had that sort of innocent look about them, like children, too simple-minded to completely
understand what was happenning, but they were alive. What had once been lifeless rubber was now alive.
"They do anythin' you tell 'em," Runt said, "Watch. You two, make out."
Instantly, Right grabbed Left and starting sucking face, hand straying down to Left's quickly tightening pillowcase.
"Stop it!" I told the three of them, "What about my stuff?"
Runt smiled, "It's all upstairs."
"Upstairs?"
"Penthouse." Runt explained.
I paused. I was relieved that it hadn't been incinerated, but I wasn't yet sure if this development was good or bad.
"I met the Super-Intendant," Runt explained, grinning.
"Oh, shit..."
"Nah, it's cool," Runt dismissed, "He was knockin' on your door about rent."
"Oh, shit!" I said again. With all my thoughts of doggy transformation, I'd forgotten.
"I said it's cool," he continued. He reached into my bathrobe pocket and pulled out a very fat and very scared looking hamster that bore the
most striking resemblance to the Super-Intendant.
"Oh, Runt, you didn't..." I groaned.
"Hey, he's happy!" Runt protested, "And it means we get his apartment upstairs."
"You have to change him back."
Runt pulled a face. "Nuh uh," he insisted, "Don't tell me you liked the guy? He was a dick. Cursing somethin' rotten about you."
It was true, he was a dick. But he didn't deserve to live and die as a rodent.
"I was looking out for yeh," Runt smiled, as if he'd done well, "And you should see your new apartment first!"