Well all the beautiful guys soon had other things to worry about
as Ty suddenly screeched in hellish torment and burst into flame.
A sickly green mist was gushing out of his mouth and waves of wind
light and energy were throbbing out of his crisping body.The
japanese kid watched as the sky darkened,bolts of lightening flew off of
Ty and flashed towards his manhood and all the other undergarments
around the huge sporting goods department store,whether they were
occupied or not.And the waves of energy that were being drained out
of Ty also shot towards the Ladies intimate apparel aisle,the
ballerina aisle,the gymnastics aisle etc.There was a deathly silence
as Ty's eyes rolled up in his charred skull,revealing the whites.There
was one weak death rattle and then Ty collapsed to the floor very
much dead.Only his Stinfields mens briefs and undershirt remained
as clean and crisp as the day they came out of the Stinfield Factory
at Minudie,Nova Scotia.
Then the screaming began.
Now to backtrack.Back in 1950 George Stinfield-Fawcett was a field
archeologist for the ROM (Royal Ontario Museum).He had gone to Taiwan
to do some research and while there a young urchin came up to him
with some ancient parchment he had found in a nearby cave in mainland
China.The times were tense because of rumours the communists would
soon invade the last bastion of democracy.Most of Georges research
had been halted ,so he took the free time to translate the kids
parchments.They told a tale of a dragon in tights named Fing Fang Foom
who slept in a cavern.George gave the kid the translation and then
forgot all about him.
Well the kids rowed back to the mainland just in time to see hundreds
of thousands of soldiers getting ready to invade mainland.Only Fing
fang Foom could stop the invasion so the kid crept to its lair and
found the legend was true.The dragon lay sleeping in his briefs,a
nearby pot puffing up a fog.The kid removed the pot but the dragon
still slept.So he took a nearby torch and tickled the dragons snout
with the firebrand.There was a loar roar which shook the hills
for miles around and the kid ran out of the cavern like greased
lightening.He ran towards the communist invasion force,with an
enraged Fing Fang Foom not far behind.The dragon was concentrating
on the pesky human kid and ignored all the tanks,trucks boats and
soldiers it was squishing.The 16 inch guns from the nearby battleships
boomed away,but the shells bounced off the dragons hide like confetti.
The urchin ran here and there,just a step ahead of the dragon.Behind
them they left a smashed destroyed invasion force.Soon the kid ran
back to the dragons lair and tricked the beast into falling asleep
again.Then he rolled the rock back over the entrance and returned to
his parents.The world was safe once more.
Well soon saw the long lines of sooty dazed POW's being led into
Taiwan,and asked them what mighty weapon had done this.They talked of
a dragon in tights,which made georges heart beat a little faster.
it seemed the best time to sneak over to the mainland and check out
that cave only he and the urchin knew about.
His methods of waking the dragon were a little more gentle then the
kids,however he soon found himself in a huge paw,with an angry dragon
staring down at him.It seemed a good time to mention that the
Stinfields made various undergarments in Canada,and what a lovely
pair Fing fanf Foom was wearing.When he mentioned he knew the
whereabouts of the urchin,George and Fing Fang Foom became the best
buddies.It was only a matter of time before others found where the
dragons lair was,and George convinced the dragon now was a good time
to migrate to Canada.Well before the two flew off the dragon cast a
few spells on his lair,drew pictures in dragonspeak on the walls and
then left China forever.Along the way they paid a visit to Taiwan
where Fing Fang Foom dealt with some unfinished business.
As for what happenned to Fing Fang Foom once he got to Canada?Well
thats another story.However the reason we don't need a huge armed
forces should be self explanatory.
Decades later
When the Chinese economy started going soft in the 1990's Soeone
in the central committee decided to move some of the textile
production into caves and caverns.One of these was Fing Fang Fooms
old lair and the seamstresses ignored all the archaic clawmarks on the
walls as they made various products on contract for western
busineeses.It was the first production run in three years,and this
shipment had the Stinfields brand on it.
There was a crack of nearby thunder as the ground was electrified.