"Now Patrick," said Alice to her son as she got out a pen and paper, "what sort of clown do you want to be?"
"An auguste," giggled Patrick. As he described what he wanted, Alice wrote down:
Peachy skin from head to toe
White muzzle around mouth and white patches around eyes
Eye patches stretch up to forehead are topped by arched black eyebrows; vertical blue bar inside each patch
Muzzle stretches from cheek to cheek and down to chin. Blue dot sits at the very edge of chin
Red blush surrounds muzzle and covers cheeks. Three black freckles inside each cheek
Lips inside muzzle black and stretch into permanent smile
Nose red and as round and big as a golf ball. Nose honks like bicycle horn when squeezed
Hair orange, thick and curly, and stretches from ears to back of head. Bald on top.
Alice stopped writing and looked at her son. "Are you sure you want to be bald?"
Patrick nodded. "I'm sure, Mommy!"
"OK," said Alice and continued writing:
Feet sized fifteen with six inch wide toes
Somewhat chubby, but not exactly fat
Mainly wears yellow button up shirt and wide blue pants. Pants held up by rainbow suspenders
Frequently wears either big puffy bow tie or wide clown necktie
Wears Red or blue blazers over shirt
Often wears yellow or red derby hats on head. Hat sizes vary from regular to ridiculously tiny
Wears over-sized blue sneakers or bubble-toed wingtip shoes with yellow saddles and orange laces
Able to summon juggling balls and pins from thin air
Can stretch arms and legs like Plastic Man
Has full knowledge of clown routines and jokes, both practical and impractical
Talks with a deep goofy voice. Punctuates sentences with a chuckle or giggle
After she finished writing, Alice put on rubber gloves and started to rub the clown ointment into Patrick's feet. "How long will it take, Mommy?" Patrick asked.
"About a week," said Alice. "Just in time for your birthday.
When Patrick woke up the next morning, at first he didn't notice any changes. "Then he looked closer, and saw his skin seemed a little peachier. Excited, he ran to the bathroom, and saw a little white around his eyes and mouth. His nose and cheeks were redder too, and the former had started to plump up.....