You might not believe it, but I was there when it started. Back when this town was normal, I watched the box being opened and, though I didn't
realise at the time, the chaos being set free.
It was opened by my friend Lysander. His parents are hippy types, that's where the name comes from. He worked at the tabletop games store
by the college, which suited us well since we were all frequent gamers. That's where he'd got the box from. It was a perfect cube, about the
size of of a bowling ball, and made of dark wood with faded paint.
"It's a card game," Lysander told us, "It's gotta be really old. One appraiser told us it was at least 13th century, but that can't be right because
the writing's in pretty good english. It's been passed round from store to store. Nobody's been able to sell it. Nobody knows how much to sell it
for."
"You bought it?" asked Alex.
"No," said Lysander, "But nobody'll miss it."
Alex scowled. Lysander was always pulling crap like this. Back in high school, he'd nearly been expelled for starting fires. Since then we'd made
it our mission to keep him out of trouble. I guess we failed. He opened the box.
Inside were four neatly arranged decks of cards. Three of them were identical, with tall Tarot-style cards. They had red celtic patterns on the
back. The fourth deck was made of smaller cards, with white celtic patterns on the back. They were all dog-eared and faded by time. Lysander
took out a leaf of parchment paper and began to read the rules.
This was at Alex's house, in the basement. The three of us were sleeping over, while his parents were out of town. We did this quite often, since
Alex has -had- the nicest house. That's what I like about Alex. He seemed the perfect type to become another dumb jock. Wealthy parents who
tried to spoil him, a natural on the school athletics team, tall, muscled and handsome. But he was the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He
had moved here a few years back and was quickly accepted by the popular crowd. Except one day he saw us playing 'Magic: The Gathering', got
out a deck and asked if he could join. He's been hanging out with us ever since. I wondered, as I often did back then, how he'd react if he knew
how desperately in love with him I was.
Joe was the only one who knew that I was gay. When I realised I had to tell someone, and he was my oldest friend. I didn't need to worry about
him blabbing since he spoke so little anyway. I had defended him from bullies back in kindergarten, and he'd followed me around ever since.
He was a bit of yes man, laughing at our jokes, agreeing with our opinions, desperate to try and be 'cool'. If had any idea what 'cool' was he
wouldn't have chosen to hang around with us. However, in the days to come we would all learn precisely how little we knew about him.
My name is Paul, by the way. You don't need to know anything else about me.
"First, we shuffle the decks," Lysander said. We each took one and did as he said. I had one of the tall decks, and took a glance at the card
faces. They were all bizarre, hand-painted images, bordered by ornate, hand-written instructions. People and animals in peculiar positions and
pained expressions. Bones and lightning and fire. We finished shuffling and laid them all on the table.
"Okay," Lysander said, one eye on the rules "We each take three of the red cards. These are spell cards, which we can cast on ourself or an
opponent. We can only cast one spell per turn and they each last until the end of the turn."
We all picked up three cards, from whichever red deck. I looked over mine and frowned. The spells were bizarre and oddly specific, and made
no mention of hit points, attributes or any other type of rule. I couldn't work out how their effects translated into the game. Who knew if they
gave an advantage or not?
"The turn starts when we turn over one of these white cards," Lysander continued, turning over a card as he spoke, "The white cards are 'Quest
cards'. They each have a goal written on them that we have to try to achieve. Whoever achieves the goal first wins the point and ends the turn.
First person to a hundred points wins."
We looked down at the quest card.
THERE IS A CREATURE IN THE FOREST THAT MUST BE SLAIN.
We waited. Lysander looked at the other side of the rule page, which was blank.
"Is that it?" I asked
"Apparently," said Lysander.
"What creature?" Alex said, "How do we slay it?"
"How should I know?"
"There must be pieces missing," Joe added.
"That sucks..." I sighed.
We sat silently for a moment, not sure what to do. Then, Lysander sniggered and threw down one of his cards.
"I cast a spell on you, Paul."
I frowned and looked over at his card. On it was a really weird picture. It was of a man, naked and with a massive erection. Except he had the
head of a donkey, which was drooling and had droopy eyes.
"What the fuck?" I said.
"'Curse of the lecherous ass'," Lysander read aloud, "'Every time a lustful thought crosses the curséd's mind, he shall become more like the
common donkey."
Alex laughed hard. "Dude! That is messed up! What the hell kind of game is this?"
"Y'know, Alex has porn on his cable," Lysander said, "Guess you'll have to skip it. No boob for you, you lecherous ass!"
I glanced at Joe, who looked back at me. I forced myself not to look at Alex, in case he'd see into my mind and learn the type of porn I actually
watched. And who I thought about when I did. Lysander was only doing this 'cause I spoke about sex so rarely. I doubt he suspected. I decided
to play along.
"Well, I cast a spell on you too!"
Alex 'oooh'ed, and Joe quickly joined in. I threw down a card. It had a picture of statue, a woman, pretty much naked, holding her head and
screaming horribly.
"Curse of the gargoyle," I read, "If the curséd is scared he shall turn to stone."
Lysander pretended to tremble and then went deathly still. We laughed. Alex said, "This game is weird. Let's play Halo."
So we did, leaving the game where it was.