"What could you possibly need my help for? You've ruined my life!"
The satyr snorted. "Says the man that is so in love with his new muscles he masturbates to himself."
"That...I..." John sputtered. "What do you want?!"
"Alright, look." The satyr broke eye contact with John. "I really screwed up back in my world. You'll be shocked to hear this, but there's more things besides humans in this universe that have two legs and walk upright. Anyway, I'm in huge trouble. After I turned you into an orc I went back to my world and I found myself at The Games. It's like your Olympics, except the competitors actually have talent."
"You're really making me want to help you."
"It's a huge event in my world. The king and the royal family are there. They're all elves but they don't have any magic abilities, just a smug sense of undeserved importance. So, this guy I know was competing in a satyr relay race. He and I, well, growing up we both fancied the same satyress. He won her heart, but I didn't let that stop me from pursuing her. We remained mostly cordial, but we were at odds often after that. I guess you could say that--"
"Yes, yes. You guys were frenemies," John interrupted. "I get it. What does any of this have to do with me? I'm losing my patience," he said, cracking his huge knuckles.
"I wanted to play a trick on him. I readied a spell that would turn his legs into wood as he ran the race. It would only be for a few seconds, and no one except him would notice because of the fur on his legs. All the runners were lined up at the starting line, and I cast the spell right when the race was about to start. But," the satyr bit his lip. "I missed. I hit the king's son. He was there to fire the pistol to start the race."
John let out a sudden laugh. "Nice! What happened then?"
"Well that bugger was such a spoiled weakling he had almost no resistance to magic, and I hit him with a spell meant for a grown satyr. He turned into a fucking 300-foot redwood tree, right there on the field." He looked down at his hooves. "So needless to say, I had to disappear for a while. I mean, he'll be fine in the long run, but everyone is after me now."
"Because everyone liked the prince?"
"Hell no. He was a whiny little shit. Everyone wants the reward for delivering my head to the king. I escaped back to your world, but this is where I need your help."
"I'm listening."
"I've been hiding out in your world where no one can find me, but I can't stay here forever. Being away from the magic realm saps all of my power. Right now I think I'm at 10% strength, barely enough to do anything. I think I have just enough for one more big spell, like the one to get me back to where I came from. If I run out of power, I'll die, and if I return now, I'll probably die in that situation too."
"Oh, what a shame. That would be terrible." John said sarcastically.
"Please, I'm begging you," the satyr said, starting to get desperate. "I don't have much time left. I need help. And if you want to have any hope of returning to your pathetic human body, it's in your best interests that I stay alive."
"I thought you said you couldn't fix this," John said, gesturing at his nude, green orc body.
"I have connections. And I can probably get Elmer over there back to normal too," he said, gesturing to the bedroom where Brian was sleeping.
John sighed. "All right," he said. "What are you proposing?"