Paul had some time to think as his mother pushed the cart over to their car and emptied it into the trunk while he was still sitting in it.
Perhaps he shouldn' fight the situation so much, it obviously didn't help and according to Hannah he risked losing parts of his identity as
Paul whenever he disobeyed his mother. But why did she make it so hard for him? He remembered what Hannah hat told him about his
mother's memories of Paul being hard to access - she probably didn't notice what she was doing. In her eyes, her little girl was misbehaving
and getting on her nerves today - and as he thought about it Paul saw that it wouldn't be very nice to go shopping with a four-year-old who
threw tantrums, cried all the time and peed herself on purpose. He would have to talk to her about how she treated him later, with Hannah's
and maybe Jenny's help, but for now it would be best to just try to make peace - and that would be much easier when she was fully Paula
rather than Paul.
Paula took the pacifier from her mouth. When Mommy lifted her out of the cart, she softly said "I'm sorry mommy, but please don't change
my diaper out here!"
"Oh darling, it's ok. It's just that... I'm a bit tired today, and also sad because Daddy's gone one year now. So I got a bit mad, but I love you
Paula!"
Paula heard that Mummy's voice was almost breaking and saw that she was fighting back tears when she spoke of Daddy with a sad, but
somehow comforting smile on her face. She remembered when he had died a year ago. One day he just hadn't returned home from work
and Mummy had cried in the evening. Mummy had kept crying for days and Granny and Granddad had taken care of Paula. She had just
been through potty training, but after Daddy was gone she often had accidents. People said that Daddy had had an accident too, but that
was another kind of accident, one that made him go to heaven - or die, as the grown-ups called it when they talked to each other.
Mummy wiped the tears and snot off Paula's face, bringing her back into the present.
"Come on, let's get you out of that yucky pull-up!"
"But Mummy, pleeeeease don't change it here!" Paula begged
"We'll do it quickly in the back of the car, you'll have a nice clean diaper on in no time and nobody will see it!"
"But I don't need a diaper, I won't pee again!"
"So you WANTED to pee yourself?" Mummy asked. Paula knew she wasn't really mad any more and decided to tell the truth.
"Yes."
"But why did you do that? We could just have gone to the bathroom in the mall!"
"I was mad at you. I'm sorry I did it!"
"Well, okay. I was mad at you too, so let's just forget about that. But I better put a diaper on you, don't want pee on the car seat if you get
mad again!" Mummy announced.
"'kay" Paula conceited defeat - for now.
Her Mummy put the changing pad in the back of the car. Paula, eager to get this over with, laid down on it and pulled up her skirt. "See,
that's what's great about skirts. You never have to take them off!" her mother announced as she ripped the sides of the wet pull-up and took
it off. Paula was wiped clean, then helped Mummy put the diaper under her. Mummy taped it shut and said "All done and nobody saw!"
Paula noticed this diaper was a lot thicker than the pull-up and she'd have to spread her legs a bit while walking, but thanks to her skirt
perhaps nobody would see it. Now she was really glad she was wearing a skirt rather than pants.
On the way home, Mummy gave her some candy bars. With the sweet taste of chocolate in her mouth, she looked out the window. The sun
was shining, perhaps she could play outside with Hannah in the afternoon. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all, and perhaps they
could go looking for the amulet.