"Mr Bahner? Some people from HR to see you."
"Thank you Jodie, send them in please."
Dave closed his laptop and stood as James Burchess, head of legal, and Alice Watanabe, head of human resources came in.
"Don't tell me I'm being fired already!" Dave joked. James smiled, Alice did not.
"Congratulations on your promotion Mr Bahner, I have the standard mid-level executive grade two contact for you to initial and sign. It comes with an office, an assigned parking space, and three direct-report staff; your secretary, an assistant, and an intern, you'll get whichever intern we hire next, and Mr Cathcart has selected your assistant." Alice paused and looked expectantly at Dave.
"I, that sounds great! Thank you! Um, what are you here for James?"
"Well I can help detangle some of the legaleze in the contract if you need me to, but mostly I'm here about your assistant."
Alice handed Dave a clipboard with his contract on it. Someone had put color-coded page darts on it showing where to sign, initial, and complete a few blanks.
"Is there something wrong with my assistant?" Dave asked as he began completing the form.
"Her attitude could use some improvement, that's for sure." Alice chimed in. "She was down yelling at everyone in HR, and I hear she did some yelling up here too. Joe should have canned her."
James cleared his throat. "I believe you were involved with the earlier incident?" he asked. "Apparently after she left your office Ms Mahony tried taking her dog and pony show to Joe's office. He was...unamused."
"It's not the first time she's tried to stir up trouble, she was bounced from two other regional offices prior to coming here." Alice accepted the signed contract from Dave. "This was her last strike. Joe told her she could either follow the memo since she was stupid enough to believe it, or be escorted out of the building!"
"But doesn't that...is that legal?" He asked James.
"Would it stand up in a court of law? No. Is Mathison & Sweiber Associates within it's right to fire her? Absolutely. If she accepts the 'revised terms of her continued employment' then she'll have to follow the dress code, and it'll be your responsibility to enforce it."
Dave swallowed and felt himself flush. "Wha--what did Joe...?"
"We just came from his office, here's your copy, Joe has a copy, HR has a copy, and Ms Mahoney will get her copy when we're through here."
Dave looked at the document in his hands
'Know all you that on this date the following parties...' Dave skipped down a few paragraphs. 'on pain of immediate termination without recourse or severance the party of the first part shall voluntarily comply with the attached dress code verbatim and without negotiation.' What followed was a retyped list of acceptable clothing, colors, styles, and directions from the joke memo, including 'tops shall be worn to expose ample cleavage' and one he hadn't added; 'shall address all employees in a conversational tone of voice and volume appropriate to a workplace setting'.
Dave pointed at it, "is that really part of a dress code?"
"It ought to be an employee code of conduct, including appearance and behavior," Alice said, "but whatever. I thought he would have a stroke as he was dictating it to us."
"And I'm, what, supposed to tell a female coworker when her blouse isn't displaying ample cleavage?"
"Subordinate, Dave, not a coworker, and yes." James rubbed his eyes. "She's brought this on herself, so she can either show some skin or go work somewhere else. I think we'd all be just as happy if she quit."
"Save a lot of paperwork." Alice said. "You be tough on her, make he show her boobies off to god and everyone, wear skirts so short she flashes her panties when she bends over!"
"What panties?!" James asked. "Doe you see any underwear on this list? no bras, no panties, just pale color tops, short skirts, stockings, and high heels. if she wears too much makeup people will think a hooker wandered in here off the street!"
"That's right!" Alice said, grabbing the paper out of Joe's hands and reading it over. "These are all she's allowed to wear at work! Those big tits flopping around without support are gonna get awful sore, she's sure to quit!" She cackled happily. "If not, Dave you send her down to records a couple times a day; after making that trip in heels on the back stairs she'll quit." Alice nodded decisively.
"Um as head of HR aren't you supposed to shield employees from situations like this?" Dave asked.
"Boo hoo, sucks to be her. She called me a dumb 'chink' earlier today, does 'Watanabe' sound Chinese to you? She deserves this." She glanced at the lawyer. "Cover your ears James, you don't want to hear this."
"I'm pretty much done here, why don't I meet you both at Jenny's cube?" James stood up and shook Dave's hand. "Dave, congratulations on the promotion. Handle this situation well and you'll be in line for another promotion in no time."
Alice was laughing as James closed the door after himself. "'Handle' is right! Dave, HR won;t do a damned thing whether you cop a feel or nail her across your desk in your spare time. Get your work done and you can do whatever you want to her, she's totally your bitch so make her suck you like one."
Dave was too stunned to respond to what he'd just heard.
"You do like girls, don't you?" Alice asked
"I--yes, very much." Dave stammered.
Good, make that bitches' life a living hell and I'll make sure we hire a cute intern for you. What do you like? redheads? brunet? Asians?" She smiled a struck a pose. "I'm just kidding, you can sit in on the interviews, pick whichever one you want." She stood and set jenny's dress code on Dave's desk. "Now come on, I want to get back to my work."
She opened the door and started off towards Jenny's cube. As she did Jodie fell into step beside Dave.
"Hey boss, what's this all about?"
"Joe decided Jenny should follow that memo or be fired."
"Get outa here! For real?"
"Yep, got a copy of it on my desk."
"On your desk? What for?" She grabbed Dave's arm pulling him to a stop. "Don't tell me she's your assistant?!"
"'fraid so, that going to be a problem?"
Jodie smiled broadly "Nope, not as long as you let me give her work in your name!"
"Sure, you can help enforce the dress code too."
"Sweet! This day just keeps getting better and better!"
Jodie turned and lead the way to Jenny's cube.