"Who's there?" John called out. "I won't hurt you."
John began to walk slowly towards where the man ducked behind the corner. Aided by his good night vision, John peered around the corner to see a hairy man leaning against the wall of the labyrinth, staring straight ahead into space. He was of average height and rather muscular, with a long black beard which completely hid his mouth from view. He stood stark naked, covering his junk with his hands.
John smirked. "So, we're lucky this place is clothing optional, huh?" The man slowly turned to look at John, who extended his hand. "My name is John. Pleasure to meet you." The man broke his gaze with John and blushed. He didn't want to remove his hand from covering his groin. John quickly withdrew his hand. "Er, right," he said, embarrassed.
There was an awkward pause. "So, um, any ideas on how we can get out of here? Because I'm all ears." John asked. "Literally, these things are huge," he said, tilting them towards the man.
The hairy man was silent for about ten seconds, then let out a long sigh. "Any port in a storm," he muttered. John felt he wouldn't have been able to hear that if not for his orc hearing; he seemed nervous about trusting an orc.
He then stood up straight and turned to face John. "M' name is Sanin Oakheart. I am the leader of the Dwarves of the Gold River. And yer the strangest orc I've ever met."
John cocked an eyebrow. "And why is that?"
"Well, ye speak like a king fer one. Mostly you lot just grunt and squeal like pigs." Sanin spoke in a strange accent, but it sounded a bit like Scottish. "And I find it a wee bit odd ye haven't ripped me throat out yet with them teeth o' yers."
John chuckled. "I'm not like most orcs. I'm sorry we had to meet like this. You're a dwarf? You're about as tall as I was when I was a human. Er--" John hadn't meant to give that secret away. "Shit," he muttered.
The dwarf's expression changed into one of wonder. "Yer not really an orc? Had me fooled. You were the one yellin' about being a motherfuckin' orc when you were clobberin' that cow wi' those stones. And thanks fer that, by the by. This limp I have is from that cursed beast bummin' me."
They had begun to walk through the labyrinth, with Sanin walking very gingerly. John shook his head, horrified at the mental image. Time to change the subject. "How'd you get here? I got turned into this and trapped in here by a satyr."
Sanin's face darkened. "That fuckin' cunt," he said, each word dripping with venom. "If I ever come across that motherfucker again he's gonna wear his ass as a hat."
Sanin had finally removed his hands from his genitals and let his dwarfhood hang out. "Not bad," John thought. But there was no way he was going to try anything with Sanin, what with the trauma apparently inflicted upon him by Brian. Ugh...Brian. John still had no idea what was going on. He was apparently transported to another realm with mythological creatures, and was apparently the satyr's homeworld. He and a few other creatures were sent into the labyrinth at the very least to be sex slaves. "Take a number, pal," John said. "What happened?"
Sanin let out a ragged sigh. "Well, I came home one night, and I found m' wife in bed with me." John looked quizzicaly at Sanin. "T'was the satyr in disguise. He jumped up when I screamed 'What the fuck' at him and he changed back into that cursed goat. I charged him and he vanished into thin air. M' woman was a cryin' mess, sayin' she was tricked." Sanin sighed again. "Didn't stop it from happenin' again the next night. There was no disguise this time." Sanin bit his lip. "They both stopped, that beast deep in that whore's cunt. He looked at her. She nodded. He pointed at me, and next thing I knew, here I am, in the altogether."
"Wow. That's rough," John said.
"Not as rough as the rest of our lives are," the dwarf muttered. "We're stuck here. And yer probably gonna eat me." The last sentence was barely audible.
"I'm not going to eat you. Too much cholesterol." The dwarf went pale and stared at the orc. John smiled. "We're going to get out of here. If I can navigate a corn maze, this should be a piece of cake."
Sanin shrugged. "Yer still the strangest orc I've ever met."
"And how many orcs have you met, exactly?"
Sanin paused. "Two," he said quietly. "But they cut down some trees along our river without askin'. It fucked up the scenery!"
"Scandalous. Anyway, watch this." John placed his left hand on one of the walls of the labyrynth. "I just need to keep my left hand on the left wall of the maze. That will help keep us from backtracking. It won't be the most efficient way of getting out, but we'll get out."
The two started their way through the maze. In a short while, Sanin was limping very badly, so John picked him up like he was nothing and cradled him in his free arm. This apparently embarrassed Sanin, because he grew very quiet. As they went, they only made left turns. When they hit a dead end, they walked backwards until they began to backtrack, and then made a right turn if they had to. Unfortunately, both of them had no idea if they were making any progress or not.
"I'm sure we've been here before," Sanin complained.
"We're getting out. Trust me," John grumbled.
"Yeah, if we don't starve to death first."