"No," Josh said. "Actually, I was hoping to speak to you."
"Oh. Right." Jake fumbled the jar of coffee grinds and executed a last-ditch catch before it shattered on the counter-top. Jesus, maybe he's mad after all. Or... the unpleasant thought went through his mind that Josh had liked what he had seen last night so much that he had come over in the hopes that Jake might be bi. "Erm, how can I help?"
"Well, you're a pretty big guy. I mean - down there, right?" Josh didn't sound exactly thrilled to be broaching the topic, which allayed Jake's fears a little.
"Sure, I guess."
"Is there anything you do to, you know, work out? Make it bigger?"
The growing roar of the kettle fought against Jake's whirlwind of thoughts. Had Josh somehow figured out the secret of the watch? And why would he phrase it that way, rather than 'did you make me smaller'? Surely he would be more familiar with his own measurements than Jake's. He could buy that Katie might have told Liz ahead of the party that he was on the small side of average, or perhaps even smaller if she had done so right after the cinema. And that information could have made its way to Josh. But something about the question still seemed off, and he decided to push on with the story he had told Katie.
"I don't think so. I think it's genetic. I was a really early bloomer."
"Oh." Josh sounded even more depressed. "I just thought, there might be, like, tips and tricks, like there are with weight-lifting. I mean, I get all that pills stuff is bullshit, but I thought maybe there were exercises? Sorry to get so personal with you, man, it's just Liz is a real size queen and I kinda gave her the impression I was bigger than I was. I mean, I thought seven inches was pretty big until last night."
Wait, what? Was Josh for real? Did he seriously not remember having an eight inch plus cock? Or was he playing it cool, like Jake had with Katie?
"I mean, I think there are stretching exercises you can do," Jake said vaguely, "there are like, guides online. But I don't know they work all that well. They seem pretty scary." He had, in fact, spent a summer obsessed with jelqing - not actually doing it, just reading about it, first the testimonials, then the ominous medical advice that it could kill your sensitivity and more importantly wasn't even medically proven to result in permanent growth. He had settled for signing up for an account - 5.5AndGrowing - then never making a single post with it.
He walked back into the living room and handed Josh a cup of coffee. He didn't sit down, hoping that Josh might take the hint.
"I just feel, you know, that I've gone from thinking I was big-ish to feeling small."
That might imply Josh knows he shrank, Jake thought. Okay, I'll play along. "Small? Come on, man, you're like, half an inch smaller than me. Is this some bodybuilding thing where you've got to be the biggest in town?"
"I guess, but yours is so much thicker, it's like twice the mass of mine. I've -" he looked up suddenly from his coffee. "I've got a fucking pencil dick."
There suddenly seemed an imminent danger that Jake might soon have a six foot six bodybuilder crying in his girlfriend's apartment. Come on, he thought, bro encouragement mode.
"Hey, dick comparing is fine when our girlfriends are here, but it's weird with just two guys in the room. You don't need to be Ron Jeremy to keep Liz happy. If she feels otherwise - screw her!" Probably a poor choice of words again, Jake thought, but overall he thought it was a fine speech.
But it didn't seem to be sinking in. "I guess I always knew I didn't measure up," Josh was saying, "that's why I pretended to be eight inches. If I thought I was a good size, why did I lie to Liz?"
Woah. Stop the presses. Either there's some serious psychological issues at work here or the watch made Josh believe he'd always been smaller. This needed further exploration, but first he needed Josh out of the picture.
"Look man, I can bring up the size charts. You know what the average size is? Five inches. Seven is good. Really good. And, I mean, I bet that's not the first time Liz saw your cock, right? If she's a size queen she must have had some idea how big it is."
Josh's forehead furrowed. "I guess. It's all kind of - mixed up. We've had - sex?" He put an odd rising inflection at the end, as though he was suddenly no longer sure. "But she's always been kind of down on me in bed, saying 'can't you get it any bigger'. It's driving me crazy."
Last night, Jake thought, Liz was so confident in her boyfriend's size that she wanted him to get it out and compare it to her frenemy's significant other. He wondered how much had been retroactively changed by the watch.
"I think, ultimately, you need to talk to Liz and let her know that she needs to accept you for who you are. Now, I'm gonna try and get ready for work," Jake announced. "Speak to you soon, 'kay?"
"Oh, right. Sure," Josh said, levering himself off up the seat, though he retained the slightly hunched - marginally less secure - posture. "See you."
Once Josh had left, Jake opened the door to the bedroom. It hadn't gotten any better looking, with fat streaks of cum rapidly sinking into the mattress and the sheets. His only consolation was that it looked like a good chunk of the damage had been done last night. He ripped the undersheet off the mattress and bundled it into the laundry basket with the duvet before washing and changing into his clothes. Before leaving for work, though, an odd compulsion drove him to boot up his girlfriend's aging laptop and browse to makemelarger.com, the forum he had registered with back in the day. He had difficulty logging in until he tried using his email address rather than his username, at which point his old password let him in. He checked out his profile - no comments, of course, but his eyes were irresistably drawn to the username at the top of the screen. 7.5AndGrowing. Holy shit. He guessed that after the watch had done its magic, he had still spent a summer checking out jelqing forums before chickening out - but from a significantly larger viewpoint.
This was going to be fun.