You recall that the local YMCA offers free swimming to underprivileged youth, provided they have regulation Speedos to wear. Now you can provide them all with Speedos, when you volunteer to give swim lessons at the Y.
Most of the underprivileged youth are minority kids, so you know just who you will be Speedofying. First, you need to rig Jeff's phone so it will automatically answer in speaker mode. Then you have to get it inside the Kappa Kappa Kappa house before their initiation ceremony tomorrow. You know that all their members will be there in the gathering room to initiate the new pledges. The trick will be getting the phone out afterward. Fortunately, the dean's office has plans of all the frat houses on file. You pull up the blueprints on the computer terminal and grin. The gathering room is in the basement, and there is an air vent in the center of the room which feeds into an air duct that goes clear to the roof where the air conditioning condenser is located. You can borrow an HVAC coverall and lower Jeff's phone down the air shaft. Then all you need to do is to dial the Speedo Fax at precisely Midnight when KKK's ceremony is slated to begin. You select a variety of youth size and adult size Speedos and set the colors and sizes to randomize.
It went smoother than you can imagine. You even arranged to leave the ladder against the side of the house, so that when you return to collect Jeff's phone, you can get in and out quickly. By the time the police go to investigate the frat boys, the evidence of your visit will be long gone. Then they will face the ultimate conundrum: how did a room locked from the inside with only 6" ventilation ducts become emptied of its inhabitants? Only their clothing is there, and all the entrances are bolted from the inside. Did they some a demon and go up in smoke? No one will ever guess that the 80-100 Speedos you hope to have shortly were the former rich white frat boys, and that they would soon be worn by underprivileged minority kids.
You sit back next to the 3D Fax/Printer and wait for your phone alarm to go off.
Midnight.
You push the redial button on the machine. Over at the Kappa Kappa Kappa House, the ceremony has just begun. Jeff's phone rings with the ringtone from Queen "We are the Champions!"
President Orville Redmond the Third, known as "Tripp" interrupts his speech to chastise his brothers, "All cell phones are supposed to be off. Now turn off that cell phone!"
Jeff's phone auto answers, and a loud fax tone echoes through the windowless room. There is the sound of rustling, as ceremonial robes now emptied of their human wearer drift to the floor.
The 3 D machine is whirring. First out is a white Speedo which was Tripp. A brown Speedo follows, then a green, a red, a blue, a yellow, two more blue, and ...
You doze off. When you wake up there's a pile of at least 100 assorted Speedos in a pile below the out put tray. You load them into the empty mesh equipment bags you brought. Then you load them into your car, and you drive toward the Y via a detour by the frat house. You scramble up the ladder and pull the cord back up with which you secured Jeff's phone. You are disappointed but not surprised that the battery has run down. You climb down, and put the ladder back in the shed from where you borrowed it. Put the rope. phone and your gloves in the trunk of your car, and drive to the YMCA.
There are two dozen kids there, and as soon as they find out you have 100 free suits, they are calling all their friends. By the end of the day every last Speedo will be distributed.