VRMMM
My phone vibrated on the end table where I had left it to charge. It woke me up from what had been one of the worst nights of my life.
I get home after work, and everything's fine and dandy. I'm taking a shower, and the water stops. I get out, dry myself off, still covered in suds, and I call the water company. Turns out, my water bill hadn't been paid. Which makes no sense. Then I find out that I wasn't able to pay because my card got maxed out. Yes, my credit card number had been taken, and I had gotten my identity stolen.
Sounds fun, huh?
Well, I answered the phone. "What?"
"That's no way to greet your mother!" A voice answered.
"Oh, mom, I didn't know it was you!"
"I thought you're phone had a caller i.d. on it."
"Well, yeah," I joked, "But I didn't have much time to look at it."
"Oh, sorry. How've you been?"
"Not to good, ma. I got my identity stolen, so I'm gonna lose all my money."
"Oh, that's terrible! If only..." She gasped. "Oh, Ricky, what if I put you in an arranged marriage?"
"What?" I was incredulous that my mom would suggest an arranged marriage of all things. "Mom, I don't wanna marry for money, I wanna marry for love!"
"Look, Ricky, you need money, and the I've gotten..." She suddenly stopped, realizing her mistake. "Mom, you already arranged it?"
"Listen, I got you a nice foreign family. They've been looking for someone to take their daughter for years, and we were great friends, so I helped them."
"Alright, mom, just tell me the date of the wedding."
"Oh yeah. About that..."
..........
"Mom, I love you, but maybe you could have told me a week ago, at least?" She laughed. "Oh that's my Ricky, always joking!"
"I wasn't joking..." I had gotten one of my friends to be my best man. I waited at the altar for my fianceé to arrive.
"So, tell me more about this family."
"Oh, uh you see Ricky, they have, uh, special jobs..."
"She's from a warlock family, isn't she?"
One look said it all. "Please, Ricky, they were begging me to do it! I couldn't say no!"
"Mom, warlocks have been screwing with normal humans for centuries, and you want me to marry one?"
She sighed and hung her head. "You don't understand. Their daughter, she's the sweetest thing, but she..."
The church doors swung open. A grey haired, middle aged man walked in, his arm around a veiled lady wearing an elegant bridal gown. The man was tall, and looked like he might be indian. Over his shoulder, he wore a deep purple cape, the trademark of the warlock. I couldn't make out his daughter's face, but her skin appeared red.
They reached the altar. The preist began droning away, and I started whispering to my future wife.
"Sorry you have to marry some random dude like me. I bet you deserve better."
"Why would I want anyone else? I've been looking for a husband for so long!"
"The bride may now lift the veil."
She reached her hand up to her veil. Lifting it over her head, she revealed her face.
It was covered with short, fine, scarlet fure. A small muzzle connected her mouth and nose, and her eyes were definitely larger than they should have been.
"Don't you think I'm cute?" I went completely numb. She was a rabbit! She had long ears, stubby tail, everything. "And now I'm gonna be yours!"
"You may now kiss the bride."
She leapt forward, wrapping her arms around me. Her lips pressed into mine, and I could smell parsley in her breath.
"Holy shit," I said to myself. "What the hell did I just do?"