As you approached the enormous door, you spotted something supremely unusual: the knockers... were knockers. They were both big, round, and each one sported a big brass nipple. Who the hell owned this fucked up place?
Feeling remarkably uncomfortable with the Knockers, you instead use your good old fashioned knuckles. Unfortunately due to the immensity of the doors, you might as well have tried blowing them down with a lungfull of breath.
Well... no real choice then. You have to use the knockers. Just as you're about to wrap both hands around one the massive jugs, you notice a doorbell. Relieved you let your arms drop and reach for it... only to find on closer inspection that it was shaped like a clitoris. Who the fuck owned this place?!
You used the knockers.
"What the fuck do you want?!" came a voice from an upstairs window.
You look up to see a woman in her later thirties leaning out of it. Somehow you'd gotten the idea that this place belonged to pervy old man, but not wanting to get on her bad side you smiled and introduced yourself. "Good morning!" you said, "I'm your new neighbor, I just moved into the cabin over yonder! I saw your house and thought I'd better introduce myself!"
"And you woke me up to tell me that?" She shouted back, "Well let me ask you a question, mr. Neighborman."
"Umm... okay! What?"