Log: 629.1332.001
Material: Classified
Information has been deemed of great importance by both the political and science divisions.
Report submitted by "Tiffany". She has given no last name, stating she had abandoned it for her professional career (of which she has none, due to the outbreak).
Hair: Dark Blond
Eyes: Green
Height: 5' 10"
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Home: Manhatten, NYC, NY
IQ Estimation: Far Below Average - Failed Junior High School Equivalency Exam - Note: she answered C for every question, including all T/F questions and three essay questions.
Grammatical corrections have been applied as much as could be done to make this report readable. Some sections have been edited out due to prolonged tangents of no import. Others have been kept in to give context to subject's personality.
Summary: From what we can gather, Tiffany is what we are deeming as a "non-transmorphed naturally-occurring bimbo" or "NT-NOB". In other words, the outbreak caused no outward changes to her form or her mental state. She was like this in both appearance and behavior before the outbreak occurred. Although not a candidate for patient-zero, subject is of great interest.
From what the scientists can tell, the subject was infected during the initial first major day of the outbreak in New York. However, the virus (figuratively speaking) couldn't figure out what to do to her since she effectively already had what the target genetics and mental state were. As such, in her the virus is dormant. But, although she is a carrier and can infect others, she is the one "immune" case we have to research.
It is from her genetics and biochemical make up we will work on the "JCV Project" to counter-act against the plague.
Report was taken on June 29th, three days after her capture and one day after verification of her virological uniqueness.
She is still in quarantine and labeled as extremely dangerous.
Report account taken from Tiffany by Dr. Leslie Amrelis and Dr. Jacob Evens.
Report edited by Dr. Evens.
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You know, when this started, things were looking so much more fun at first, and then it went all downhill... and not like on a roller coaster or sledding or just plain old going down on a guy kinda way. It just sucks... and still not in the good sucking way.
Where was I?
Oh, right. The beginning.
I'm Typhany, with a 'y'. T-y-p-h-a-n-y. .... No, just one y. Tiphany. Right, wait. No... something is still wrong. Were there fs? Tyffani? Whatever. Close enough. I was working at this pole dancing place, or at least they claimed it was for pole dancing, but they let other nationalities dance too, which is good because I'm not Polish. Very open there. Anyway, things were going all right for a while, but then things just started getting weird one night when I was walking home. You see, I like guys. Well, technically I like what makes them guys. Because like, sex is fun, and stuff. It feels good, especially when you're with some guy who's cool and doesn't run out three minutes after going off... unless they bring back pizza. I can forgive them for that, so long as they pay. Anyway, I had a date that one night, and things started getting like really weird.
I was walking home on the streets after work, when I see guy jump out of a clothing store up ahead. Now, it wasn't a really good store. It was like one of those discount places that sells everything on sale to make you think you're getting something good for cheap, but it's really expensive cheap stuff, so I didn't make too much note of it at first. I mean, if I found myself in there, I'd run out fast too. But then a group of like four women who are almost as hot as me jump out after him, and they tackle him and start making out with the guy, right on the street. They pinned him down and started mounting him in public right there. And it wasn't Saint Stevie Hawkings Day or anything.
Anyway, I walk over, because I'm curious. I mean, the guy might be well hung, so who could blame them. I mean, a penis is a penis, but a large penis is like a landmine... or goldmine... or whatever. Anyway, after the first girl gets him to quickly go off, another tries to push her way on, but he's like changing 'n stuff. His penis gets all small, like he was swimming or something in cold water, and then like REALLY hides away. Then he starts growing boobs. Really weird. His hips start rounding out. His body hair fell away. Anyway, within minutes he was a woman. Big boobs. Awesome hips. Smooth skin. He was literally like half as good looking as I am after waking up in the morning, seriously. He was that good.
Then he- uh.. she says, "I need cock."
So I think. "Oh... my... God! They must had put transexual operations into pill form. That is SO COOL!"
Then the group gets up and starts looking around. One looks at me, and smiles. "Hey are interested in some fun? Wanna cum."
I say, "Sure, who doesn't. But I'm on the hunt tonight for a specific target. I've got plans." I give her a wink, and she looks me over oddly for a minute, as if she can't figure something out, and then she turns back towards the others.
Now, the others, they find these cops who are running up. One older cop orders them to get off the street, but the former guy now girl plants a kiss on him and grabs his crotch. As much as the cop likes it, one of the other ones go "whoa whoa whoa" and pulls her back. However the other girls quickly swarm them. Now, I was still back by the side of the street near the cheap expensive clothing store, because I didn't want the police to think I was one of them, but after a few minutes, I could see that there were two more women in the crowd, both wearing police outfits.
So I think, "Oh, my God! These women look so awesome in guy police uniforms." Then it really hit me. "Wait. She was like old before. This is like the fountain of youth!"
So I continued on for my date, because technology is all like advancing cool stuff. I mean, if people want to become different genders and younger and they can do that in pill form, then all the better. Now I know that women are more awesomer than men, but I did hope some women did want to be men, because then we'd have more penises in the world too. After all, no dicks anywhere would so suck.
In the bad way, I mean.
Anyway, I met up with my date. His name was foreign sounding, so I couldn't remember it. But it sounded really cool... whatever it was. Ivan or something. He had this suave way about him. It's really nice when guys pretend they don't just want to have sex but really do and stuff.
It was after the entree things got really weird. He went to the bathroom, and stayed to steal a bit of his food because guys like it when you don't order bit, but I was so hungry and I needed the energy to fuck him later, so... yeah... stole from his plate. But then a large group of not-quite-as-hot-as-me women rush into the restaurant. Several are naked, but all were big boobed and screaming about wanting sex. The Matar D. or whatever he's call was taken down first, and several other men were grabbed and swarmed. Eventually even women were being kissed and fondled. One woman, a blond, ran up to me, and she kissed me hard right on the lips. She was a great kisser, but I had to push her back. "Sorry. Thanks," I said. "But I'm not Lebanese." Now, I want to make it clear. I have nothing against Lebanese women. I understand that they're oppressed and stuff over there in the Midwest or wherever and make up for it by making out with women instead of men, but it's just not my own personal thing. If I want to fuck something, which is often, I'd like it to have a dick.
Anyway. The woman tries to grab at me again, and so I sighed and chucked her over at one of the waiters coming out of the kitchen. She didn't seem to mind, and neither did he after a few moments. And soon everywhere people were fucking everyone else.
"Great," I said. "Now I'm horny." Luckily, Francewar or whatever his name is... Maybe it started with a R or something, stepped out of the bathroom. Before any of the others could get at him (he was mine, bitches), I grabbed him and yanked him out through the front door. Luckily all of the women were busy going at it, so nobody stopped us. And wouldn't you know it... MOST of the people going at it on the ground were now all women. "Shit," I thought. "I never knew so many men wanted to be Lebanese. This is going to really make my dating life much more difficult in the future."
Loren-see-oh, or whatever his name is, led me down the road, and sure enough... there was a crowd of Lebanese women going at it in the streets. So we ran down alleys and eventually got to his place. Tall building. The room was high off the ground. He went to turn on the television, but I locked the doors to keep things nice and private. I didn't want any sluts breaking in. His dick was mine tonight.
I decided to undress at this point. We were both breathing heavy from the run, and I figured we could go straight to the action. However he was busy watching the news. So boring. He said something like "Something something bug. Something something changing people," but I didn't care. I had been courting this guy for like fifteen minutes earlier today before I got the date. I'm not letting my time get waisted.
So I grabbed his face and planted a hard kiss on him. He tasted GREAT. We didn't even make it to the bedroom. I just started undressing him right there in the living room. It was going great. He was reluctant at first, but then he was grabbing me in all the right places.
Then everything went into bad-suck mode.
I reached down into the pants he was unfastening and grabbed for what I wanted.
It was stiff, but it was unimpressive. Ugh. And what was worse, it was slowly retreating inward. COME ON! I ripped the pants off and quickly jumped on. He seemed into it, but by the time I was on top of him, there was barely a nub. Then I noticed his shirt was starting to push out at his chest, and push out BIG! He was growing larger than I was.
I couldn't believe it! The jerk had taken the pill thing when he was in the bathroom! Of all of my luck, I got one of the guys who wanted to be Lebanese! Soon his face changed, and his hair grew out into this rockin' 80s perm-like style. So jealous, but then he... err she said, "I need cock!" By that point... there WAS no point!
I was pissed. "WELL YOU HAD ONE UP UNTIL THREE MINUTES AGO!" It... so... sucked.
(It should be noted at this point she propositioned Dr. Evens for sex due to the story making her amorous. He declined to enter the sealed room, and continued the transcription as Tiffany tried to make due with her own fingers. She was also placated when given pizza.)