Cattle Back Grotto was an Old West themed roadside attraction outside a town an overnight drive from Aspen. The place didn't have a spectacular budget, but it had some basic faire: A western restaurant with a B- rating from the Health Inspector, a photo shack with costumes ('probably full of bugs' , Colin thought). A Saloon for the grown-ups, a general store souvenir shop, a ramshackle carnival, and a large area of dirt for "High Noon Duels" between dudes in costumes.
Colin had heard from another college student how lackluster the place was and never thought twice about going there.
He and Officer Hemendez worked their way into the gate and walked on in.
"Welp, I guess it's time to mozie on through, eh, sheriff?" Colin joked in a southern drawl.
The officer shot him a glare to show she wasn't in a joking mood. Colin returned to the seriously eerie tension of the ghost town esque amusement park.
"Why is it so quiet here? There isn't even any bimbos around here...." Officer Hemendez said. "Where is everyone?"
Without warning, burlap sacks were shoved over the heads of the chunky gamer and the lady cop.
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"Well what do we have here, boys?" an old man in a black cowboy outfit said. "If it ain't the pokey lady and her compadre."
The duo was tied up in the old saloon by two burly goons wearing bandanas over their mouthes.
"You know this nutso?" Colin asked.
"I arrested him when he refused to leave his first western park, the one that closed down in your town because of safety violations." the officer explained.
The old man laughed like crazy and leaned in.
"Y'all ain't in no position to talk about little ol' me...." the man wheezed out, his blue right eye rolling to the side.
"As y'all can see, yer shooters are up there!" the old decrepit nutcase said as he pointed to their guns tied to the horns of a mounted Bison.
"The only other real gun in this here park... is right heeeere." the old man said as he drew out a shotgun.
"Any last words before I blow yer brains out?" The old man asked before laughing maniacally.
A door slammed shut near the stage where.... special dancers danced for the lonely (likely divorced, because who would even be here in the first place) grown men who wandered in.
"Uhhhh, hey sugars, y'all know wheere the outhouse is?" a sultry voice asked.
Standing there was a showgirl in the classic feathered dress, with the not-so-classic DD breasts , big lips, and bubble butt of a bimbo.
"Charlene, I told ya ah'd get it set up later!" the old man grumbled.
"But, like, I have to go noooooowwwww!" the bimbo dancer whined. Her potty dance spinning in circles revealed her lewd swollen puss to the group.
Colin saw an opportunity, headbutting a grunt and backing his bindings into a sharp tomahawk display, the axe falling out and cutting the rope's knott which let Colin get loose.
The gamer then dodge rolled with e Tomahawk and lopped off the old timer's hand.
"AUUUUUUGH! WHY THE HELL'D I GET REAL INDIAN WEAPONS FOR THIS DUMP?!" the old man yelled in pain.
Colin cut officer Hemendez free so she could fight the goons with a tomahawk.
"How do you like me now, psycho!" Colin yelled as he pumped the shotgun.
"Ah like you THIS MUCH!" The old fart said as he reached in a black holster for a pistol. "An' they laughed at me fer making a left handed pistol!"
"AHHHHHHH!" Charlene yelled as she peed herself.
Everyone stopped.
"Y'ALL... RUINED... MY... PRETTY... DREEEEEESS!" She yelled, getting out a nude bimbo on a dog chain.
"You let go of yer mother now, young lady!" the old man yelled.
"Mother?!" everybody else shouted.
"AH COULDN'T AFFORD GOOD SECURITY TO KEEP THEM SLUTS OUT, OKAY?!" the old man yelled.
Everything slowed down, Colin, the old looney, and Charlene locked in the starting position of a Mexican standoff.
Charlene tugged on the chain as her bimbofied mother yanked forward, the womans nude DDs bouncing and wobbling around as she drooled on herself. Colin's fingers tapped on the barrel of the shotgun. The old nutcase pulled the hammer back on his pistol. The air was tense and dead silent until...